How to make friendship work. A conversation with Robin Dunbar

Robin Dunbar is an Oxford evolutionary psychologist who has written extensively about friendship, amongst other things, not least in relation to “Dunbar’s Number”.

We talked about what friendship is, and how it differs from other loves. We explored the varieties of friendship that people experience, and why metaphors such as “circles of friends” are so significant.

Numbers are illuminating when it comes to understanding the dynamics of friendship, not only Dunbar’s Number, but also other threshold numbers – 5, 15, 50, 150, 500. Get those group sizes right, and much will be gained.

We also asked about why social media seems to corrosive to friendship, how notions of friendship do and don’t vary across cultures, why gender differences in attitudes to friendship seem so robust, and whether we need rituals of friendship to guide this most important of relationships.

Robin referenced the seven pillars of friendship. These are language or dialect, geography, educational experiences, hobbies and interests, moral or spiritual viewpoints, political views, sense of humour and taste in music.

00:00 Introductions
1:27 What is friendship?
3:24 The feel of friendship
5:24 Soulmateship
7:31 Acquaintances and families
10:02 Dunbar’s number
13:17 Relationship layers
13:53 Gender differences
18:51 Cross-cultural perspectives
23:29 Cultural differences are minor
25:27 The view from East Africa
29:29 Cultural signifiers of belonging
30:01 Relationship circles and network dynamics
38:39 Recharging friendships
40:51 The problem with social media
45:32 Friendships form with similar people
50:40 Civic friendships and the seven pillars of friendship
55:48 The importance of shared history
58:05 The role of religion in bonding people
01:01 Do friendships need rituals?
01:06:10 Small scale societies and the need for escape
01:08:30 Modern day loneliness
01:10:01 The workplace needs a social side

Тэги:

#Dunbar's_number #Robin_Dunbar #friendship #social_media #civic_friendship #friends #Aristotle

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