LOVE has NOTHING to do with RELATIONSHIPS: setting the record straight

My Father died when I was 14.....hours before he did, we had an altercation, he grabbed me by my shirt collar and pulled me to his face and told me I was Arrogant........I actually thought it was him who was arrogant, but for the next 60 years of Humiliating myself, not having a Father to guide me (other than God) ......I do see what he was seeing in that 14yo who needed to learn everything he knows, the hard way.............your vid is worth watching a few more times

Incredible. Dr. Taraban please make more videos like this, these spirituality adjacent topics

My concept of love is based on values, not on flaws. It is a response to my highest values. Love’s nature is not unconditional. In contrast, if I had unconditional hate, which is a response to things I regard with no value, I would be advised to spend some time on this man’s couch. And rightly so. —- I’m making this comment on the fly, And didn’t prepare it in advance. I’m just trying to get the idea out there

I love this video

Oof

Marriage kills love

Agape – Unconditional love · 2. Eros – Romantic love · 3. Philia – Affectionate love · 4. Storge – Familiar love · ludas, Mania, Pragma. There's more! English has no depth and you can never understand. Love in this shallow language. And I assume your speech is on Eros/ erotic love.

I would like to say that this video has brought tears to my eyes as to how elucidating and true this is. The idea that love has nothing to do with relationships is so eye opening. I have seen the most loveless but functional relationships on the surface but it is functional because it is transactionally balanced. They both give each other what is needed to sustain each other's comfortable living and therefore stay together. Once the transactions become imbalanced, I can imagine one party leaving.

The part about love being the humiliated self is so touching 😢

This sounds to me like the description of a real emotion that has been enhanced by invention, much like "romantic love." So it isn't something that can be defined in a fundamental sense, but instead is an element of culture.

Sounds like Relationship Anarchy. 💖

At age 50. I’d agree. Get your unconditional love from your pets.

To me this evokes the unconditional love for a child. I don’t have a relationship with my son in any formal sense, even if I’m his father. But my love for him is almost transcendental. There is nothing remotely transactional about it.

this psychologist is a psycho himself 😂

Very useful information ❤

Thats blow my mind. Thanks ;)

It is not hard to understand, It is sad to listen...to the truth

In Plato's Symposium, Socrates argues that eros helps the soul recall its inherent knowledge of ideal beauty and spiritual truth. Thus, the ideal form of youthful beauty arouses erotic desire, but also points toward higher spiritual ideals.

Beautiful 😻 love it!

Love is everything because we all come from God, who is love.
I think this guy is wrong...

We love our children unconditionally, but we always love our partners conditionally. Romantic relationships are always conditional.

I broke up with someone I loved because I knew that I wouldn't be enough for her. Her happiness was more important to me than my own.

Hmm i will say one thing to this. Matyring yourself shouldn't be high on the list of situations/ways for you to express love. Defeat your ego, sure. But dont degrade or kill yourself (unless its a life and death situation..very rare). Also, how can you defeat your SELF, then be loving to someone. The whole beauty of showing love is that..as crazy as we are as biological animals, if we are able to be loving..what a feat that is! It is despite the SELF, which makes being able to show love..beautiful. It is transcendance above..not defeat of the SELF. Its probably just symantics between my interpretation and Orion's explanation, i feel like we are on the same page anyway

Brilliant. But if you're in a relationship with someone you truly love...is this no longer technically a relationship because you are both focused on serving one another selflessly? Are you two celestial bodies orbiting one another? What else do you call it?

"... words of wisdom add frustration to our agony...". Paradise Lost/Host

What is humiliated self?

I think love is more a spectrum then on/off.
Real pure love though, is not romantic love, although it hopefully contains aspects of it.
I think real pure love is much more spiritual, which is why it is not transactional or conditional.

This message makes me feel less ashamed for being in what is essentially a loveless marriage. I realize that I need to man up and start demanding and negotiating the things I want from the relationship. If she says no or refuses to negotiate, we're done. Thanks Doc

Amazing video 👏👏👏 We need more movies examples and more singing from Dr. Orion

I used to believe that love would conquer all ( I had Disney syndrome) and after all my past experiences, I realize I have to love myself more.

This.. is.. painful to hear..

Thanks!

I wish I understood what is meant by “love” here.

Tina Turner was right?! "What's love got to do, got to do with it? Who needs a heart when a heart can be 💔.😮😁 May she rest in peace.

Love is dying to something thru sacrifice and humiliation. In true Love you lose yourself. That’s why after a relationship breaks up you don’t recognize who you are, what you have become and have to heal from the hollowing out of your being.

Orion is right, but romantic love doesn't have to be totally altruistic. In a world of absolute self-centeredness, most people can't "sense" what another needs or feels anymore - that was a pre-21st century skill or behaviour. You will have to ask for what you need now, and you'll have to respond in kind.

I think when people say they want love they might mean they want limerice

That's si deep that my brain freezes to process information 😮

how deep

If you love something, set it free. If it doesn’t come back to you it was never yours. If it comes back to you, set it free again because no one else wanted it either.

damn.. all men need to watch this. women no need as they live it already.

Sir
There is no such thing as love it's a word that was created by a women and
Doesn't really exists

Sir
If you like what I saying please give me a thumb's up
This will much appreciated
That's the correct way of saying it
Not
if you like what I'm hearing

What's love got to do, got to do with it?

Just because this ticks some logical boxes and love and relationships aren’t mutually exclusive does not evade the fact that the ideal is to hold both within the one. If we choose a life partner, love will be the glue when things get rocky, attraction is what holds a partner and love feeds in, when things blow apart love is functional. I don’t think anyone would pursue a relationship and carry on even in the early stages if there wasn’t a trace of love, or potential for it.

Love is ATTENTION in my reality

I wonder if the only true or pure love is something that someone has for a very disabled child. It is unique in that the object of ones love HAS no way to reciprocate. The love for this person is really truly unconditional. As such it is not a relationship per se as it has none of the conditions that accompany all relationships. Its only "value" is the love itself. It is the only example I can think of that matches the description of love in the video. All other "relationships" are conditional and have requirements and compromises in order for the relationships to endure over time. The love that the video describes is one that a person experiences when loving such a person especially over a very long period of time, where time itself increases the difficulty of caring for them, and where the threat of loss and the eventual actual loss of the child results in a unique type of pain that can't be compared to any other type of loss. Love hurts.

AMAZING!!

Thanks!

I see how your mind can tell you this but I disagree so much with it from so many aspects.
Altruism is not love, it's the idea that sacrificing the self to another self is the moral good, it shows an inferiority complex and the idealization of the stress reaction of fawning more than a satisfactory guide to life and it's what you are presenting here: a romantization of altruism, which by the way, is philosophy, ethics, not psychology.
Love is an emotion that we feel when something that we know adds value to us. In the past that'd be joy in the future that'd be desire. Thus in a relationship, that indeed resembles a transaction deal, you are actually exchanging value therefore loving.
Self-love is regarding yourself as having value to satisfy your needs and connection is one of them.
I think the example you mentioned about wanting 'the best' for the other is based on shame and doesn't even tackles the fact that, yes, the other person can give 'better' value than you (not the best value posible which is not even useful cause we deal way better with probabilities) but someone else would probably give more value than the previous, etcetera. So would you then call your loved one you let go for her 'best interest' and tell her that you found someone even better? It's nonsensical.
You have dignity and value just as any other person and it's all you should care about in a relationship from the start.
You'll feel all the emotions in a relationship, cause you have all of them, but what matters are principles, intentions and attempts.
To finish, if you want to suffer think that the best version of you is in the future instead of in the present, that gap between what you're and what you're not will always exist as a projection in your mind and with that, shame is guaranteed.
You are always the best version of yourself people!

No wonder Jesus Christ was so humiliated