When Parents *GUILT-TRIP* (Ask A Shrink)

My mum always guilt tripped me for not being around her, I live abroad and she uses every opportunity to rebuke me of how I have not been responsible enough of taking care of her needs, I feel obliged to listen but I try my best to draw a line and say this is life and I have mine and she needs to deal with hers and I know like many of us here it is ain't easy, stay strong for those who are on this journey !

My Mom is a master guilt tripper.
Though, it isn't so much a way to get me to do things the way she wants them.
I get guilt-tripped for any action I take. Be it if I do something or if I don't do something. Am I upset for being backed into a guilt corner? Guilt-tripped for being upset. Mom "I never say the right thing for you. I should never say anything at all. You hate me!"
In the end I have no idea what to do, and on top of that, feel even worse about it.
There is no way out and no way to win.

very good video

I’m wondering still if after I move out because I hadn’t had enough money saved up to move out I should go no contact today or yesterday was the last day that I wanted to visit with my family because they don’t want to understand me I know they don’t respect me and it shows

I’m 40. My older brother wants to have his own life so he moved overseas. My mum doesn’t want to trouble him so she chose to live with me without my agreement. I don’t get to go out with friends, let alone dating without dramas from her. Gaslighting and guilt tripping occur daily and my opinions never matters. If I disagree on sth, she and my brother will stop talking to me. I no longer have a reason to be in the world, really.

My dad literally said theres no such thing as bounadaries so i knew after that, I need go go no contact.

I talked to my dad on the phone for an hour earlier and he asked me to help him with something I told him to meet me at 12 I called at 1150 to see if he left already because I was going to take a quick shower if he was far enough he told me he was in traffic and said he was far I asked what time does he think he’ll get here so I know if I have time to shower real quick he tells me “if you were busy you should have said something I just needed you to come with me somewhere real quick” I say “ I’m not busy I was just trying to see if I had time to shower but I can shower when I get back” than I said “sorry I’ll see you when you get here I’m going to finish using the bathroom” I was finishing pooping. I was for another 40 minutes downstairs for him he texts me. “I went by myself, Thank you” I don’t even understand how me asking calmly if I had time to shower before you get here translated into im rushing him. From me talking to him for an hour till the time we were supposed to meet was a time span of 3 hours as we got off the phone at about 10. Isn’t that crazy? I love my dad but he does shit like this all the time when I was younger he would always accuse me of talking about him to other family members I don’t even have relationships with other family members because of him. He is one of the biggest reasons iv been held back in life I could never have other mentors growing up or I was “betraying” him. I’m exhausted. My dad had a really fucked up upbringing so I’m empathetic to that because I know that’s why he is how he is but it’s exhausting sometimes. It’s crazy I barely spend time with or talk to my dad and it’s because of this or him always lecturing me on how I’m not doing good and how I’m behind whenever we are in the same room for too long. Seriously if I’m with my dad for more than an hour he always brings up something from the past or something I’m doing “wrong” and than he guilts me about how I’m not doing good enough to help him and how his life would be better if I were in a better place because than his life would be easier. I rent from my mom it’s my grandmothers old house I’m currently paying 1500 a mount which is the price it cost or a little higher to rent a home where I live. Sometimes I’m a little shy of 1500 so I might do 1200-1300 I’m just in a bad spot financially I need to fix my car and I do Uber full time so I pay 1500 a month for the rental. Than with other bills my total bills are about 3300-3500 a month. My girlfriend pays the utilities. I think I’m just in a bad spot it’s not like I don’t work because 3500$ a month in bills is fucking high so on top of my normal stresses I have to deal with him making me feel like I’m a bad son because I’m in a rough spot right now. I honestly feel exhausted and I don’t know what to do. I even pay the property taxes here. My renting situation is not normal at all. I don’t mind because I needed a spot to stay and I feel like I’m helping my mom because although they wanted to convert the home into 2 apartments realistically they don’t have the money for that and I know that but he even has guilted me on that. He didn’t know I was paying to live here because initially I wasn’t so now he can’t take shots at me for that I feel like he looks for new reasons to make me feel bad

How to deal with harassment.

My parents will call me multiple times. If I don't answer they will leave me guilt trip text messages even if I am at work. Ive now started to ignore there calls. As I have told them beforehand I'm at work etc.

However when I get home the guilt trip continues of why didn't you answer your phone, you have a phone for a reason. Or the classic what if it was a emergency. Your a girl not a boy we care about you and are worried.
I don't know how to answer as everything I communicate is used against me and I'm just called selfish and given a silent treatment or tantrum.

I guess you’ve met my mom! Smh.

Realizing this recently. My parents think we move as a unit because we are a family, no independence, no individual identity so growing up, having friends, going out with other people, work, they always had something to say because it took me away from them. They seem to feel bad when I'm having fun and they're not involved. My way was to always lie about things in order for me to cover it up - they are heavily dependent on me as I live with them. I'm not sure if there is any other way besides going no-contact.

she just lashed out on me for cleaning right now...why is it i am always the problem..i clean the house prepare the kid for school,i am in school, never have i been pregnant...i dont curse ...yet im still the problem...everyday there is an argument over silly things...i dont want to say everything on the internet but this is a cry for help...im trying to get a job so i can escape...

Yes. True.

I’m almost 40 and finally am starting to see how toxic both of my parents are…my mother has secrets that she would tell us not to tell my father….then my parents are basically in a loveless relationship in which they can’t stand each other….when I directly told my mother that she hates my dad she got super upset and defensive saying how could I ever say that…..she also uses me as her mini husband…she never wants to have anything to do with my father and this has been going on since I was a teen. I recently discovered that she has several properties and houses and she doesn’t want my father to even know about that….I flat out told her she is a toxic person and I don’t blame people for my “social” issues but now I see that everything has to do with her emotional incest and that she needs therapy and needs to stop relying on religion because it’s ruined relationship which you should have gotten out of years ago….I also said that I am a product of your marriage not a consequence and that I have no issues anymore not talking to you until you realize that

So helpful :)

Honestly I never “want” to talk to my mom. I do it as obligation. She always guilt trips me

I’m in my 40’s and I still feel like any time something doesn’t go right it is somehow my fault… it could be something completely out of my control but I automatically start feeling like it’s my responsibility to fix… I have trouble with others being unhappy about anything. I am a people pleaser. I want to make sure everyone is happy and I even find myself trying to make sure everybody is okay with each other and no one is mad.

I think it’s because as a child I was always made to feel guilty all the time and I had to play the referee between family members. I made excuses for them to each other all the time so fights could be avoided…

So exhausting.

I sent this to my mom. Wish me luck. I refuse to give up that easily.

Brilliant...thanks Brad

My mum guilt trips me when i am not doing what she wants. She says: " Im in pain because i did the gardening today" (I had no idea she wanted to do the gardening.) Then I say: "Stop with the guilt tripping." She then says "Someone has to do the gardening!"

My beloved mother who I adore makes me feel so guilty when I choose to spend holidays with my child and my partner’s family and not her. She is single with no other children and has nowhere else to go on holidays She claims that I am selfish and don’t think about her feelings. Am I in the wrong? I do want to spend holidays with her but not every single one!

When I do something positive for my mom she'll make a comment about how she's surprised I did this because it's not like me. I've spent so much time in therapy but I'm still an emotional hot mess when it comes to her. I'm in a tail spin right now.

I stood up for myself and I lost my family they scapegoated me and said that I was the problem

Thank God for this man. It’s all starting to make sense now on how my life has become what it is in this present point of time.

Brad, thanks.

I noticed that you started this video by specifically defining guilt tripping as something that is done intentionally, and I do think that definition is problematic. Guilt tripping can often be a very unconscious thing that is done simply due to insecurity and low emotional intelligence. Unintentional guilt tripping can be even more heartbreaking in a way.

After trying unsuccessfully to explain this to one of my parents, I just sent this video to them. I hope they are receptive!

this is my husband's parents. unfortunately he thinks this ks normal. and it id destroying our marriage

This describes perfectly what both parents did with my 9 siblings and myself,Thank You for a Clear description!🙏

Last year I went no-contact with my mother because I was really done with a lifetime being guilt tripped by her. Then I endured a year of her attempts to get back in touch by guild tripping me again, but now that didn't work for her anymore. Then Christmas came. The Christmas guilt trip was always the worst, but I indeed held on to my boundary and did not spent it with my mother. I indeed asked myself: will I survive that 'programmed feeling of guilt', and guess what? I'm still breathing.

My mother would never take no for an answer. She would always start out by asking nicely for something she wanted or expected from me. If I refused all hell broke loose: screaming, crying and guilt trips that would make me crack and give in, because as a child trapped alone with an abusive mother, what else could I do? I had no one to turn to and no where else to go. I still get voicemails from her using the same tactics and I'm 46. So for me, no contact has been the only way for me to be free and live my life. The healing continues. Thanks again, Brad !

Commenting to help 💗

Thank you so much! Please continue teaching us! I need these info!! My father is a narcissist and cut him off after 38 years. My in laws are narc as well. The guilt and shame they put on me and my husband is unreal . As a mom I recognized after many years of in laws abuse that they are wrong. After many years I decided to go no contact with in laws. They still try to manipulate my husband .. as a mom myself, I don’t understand how can anybody abuse their own child to do something they don’t want. Definitely it’s not coming out of love, but out of selfishness. The in laws did a lot of damage and made us feel guilty . I’m done with them, they can go and complain to god:) Thank you for these videos to see more clear what’s going on with abusive parents.

I recon you need to explain to them that they need to deal with their issues too and explain why they are acting the way they are. This would make them respect you more depending on how you go about it.

Extreme cold made going on a 2-hour trip to my parents' home unwise. They were not happy. They asked if they could mail the gift (money). I accepted. I thought it would be less than last year, since I declined. It was more!! Yea!!!

My parents definitely guilt trip me over the years. I am setting my own boundaries

Or being guilty for no reason after being around them or even if they r in the other room you feel guilty for speaking the truth about a topic.

out of the fog - fear, obligation and guilt

After long years of guilt tripping parents aren't reliable anymore to respect boundaries. No contact is best

It's unfortunate how these early toxic messages from parents take root into adulthood. Great video. This is a helpful and much needed message for those whose parents used guilt to manipulate, and for parents who don't realize how they are impacting their children!

Brad~hiya!! interesting ~do you want a promo?!have a good day-🤟

Thanks for the content! it has been a rough couple of months but you have helped a lot