TOP TIPS FOR NEW FAMILY CAREGIVERS - How to Take care of Aging Parents

Start off on the right foot! Or, if you want to make sure you haven't missed a thing, then grab a pen and paper and watch now! What other tips do you want to add to the list?

This is cute. This is gor people who have money, do not live in a shack 18 miles in the woods with mentally AND physically dusabled parents. Cute.

All the tips you mentioned are not an option for me. My mother moved in with us in Dec. 23. I told her that I would take care of her and she would not be put in a nursing home. I or my family had no idea how things would escalate in the coming months. She is very sensitive, argumentive, and highly opinionated. It has put stress on me, my daughter and my marriage. I have been so stressed because she wanted me there with her at all times. She can't walk very much at all. I was moving her around with a hoyer lift. To the bedroom where her bedside toilet is 2 or 3 times in a day. I am 116 pounds and she weighs 150 to 154. It's very hard on me. I have lost weight because of the conflict and chaos that happens. She wants to know why I can't eat or why I'm not the same as I was when she first moved in. She says we all have changed we are not the same and she doesn't feel like she did when she moved in with us. We have confronted her about the way she says things and her attitude but she doesn't realize what she says or how she states things. Then she gets offended and says I will just get an apartment an I will make it by myself. But she can't take care of herself that's why she moved out of the apartment she lived in and moved in with us. We love her, but can't get her to understand anything. What can I do????

Give yourself grace. YOU KNOW that you're doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up (because your parent might be verbally doing so) as you're doing the best you can. Even if that means hands off. 😘

Thank you.

Soooooooooooo helpful thank yooooou! 🙏🙏

Thank you, I’m starting to care for my 90 yr old Mom, I have no clue what I’m doing.

Thank you so much

thank you very helpful! 👍👍

What you need to talk about is finances, insurance and staff shortage (volunteers). Also if the decision is to send the loved one to a nursing home --beware. You still must checkk on your loved one weekly and staff and care changes.

Nursing home is 150k a year when all considered, I'll suck it up for a while. People make it personal when it's a business decision at some point. If you can't do it, don't but for me too much money to throw away. If bed ridden then they are gone anyway so need to be clinical about it, if you can't be clinical, don't it

🎉 Hartley Gratitude. Bless🌹 you.

You're not obligated to do this. Your parents and their state at elderliness is a direct result of the life decisions they made. And the people who are in this stage of life the comfiest are the ones who appreciated family and didn't spend their entire life burning bridges.

This will ruin you. Financially. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. Professionally. It will ruin your love life/marriage. I have lost 3 or 4 careers by now. I have lost about 3 marriage prospects. I have lost my social life. I have lost my personal health. I have lost my friends and what little family my parents didnt isolate me from my entire life. It's pure ruin. Every morning when I open my eyes, instead of thanking god that I made it, I no longer believe in god. So I feel disappointed that I lived to fight another day. No one is hiring me. I dont have help even if they did. I'm basically a trapped rat, and whenever my parents finally are gone, I will be homeless because I was not allowed a chance to fight for my life. I own nothing. I have no friends to go to because they have all started families and have children and are dealing with normal family problems like their kids dating or needing homework help.

When they say "the sins of the father" you have no idea how real it is until you're only 40 years old and you look and feel 60. I have no need to experience the elderly years because I already have. I never understood when people have the elderly in nursing homes. But I do now. No one WANTS to do it. But you also are unable as a human to live two lives.

I am pretty much at the point where the prospect of dying is the only thing that gives me a remotely faint and dim sense of hope. The thought that I could end it all and I dont have to deal with this anymore. I have no change of recuperating any sense of a normal life because I have nowhere to go. I am also currently dealing with my dog dying. Death is all I smell. If you dont smell it wafting off the results of your parent's poor decisions and planning, then it comes to greet you from somewhere else. I constantly smell death in my nostrils. I feel like I am yelling into the heavens, and I can't tell if god exists and he's laughing at my desperation, or if he's just not there at all. But with an indiscriminate degree of certainty I can tell you this. Hell cannot possibly exist in the same creation where this is a possibility for a human being's life.

My mother does not eat homedelivered food
She does not accept being taken care of
she does not accept doctor control
I dont know what to do 😭 we live together Im helpless😢 She is jntelligent She was always like that She was always a helicopter mom She has explosive temper whenever subject comes to health issues She denies her age always She never accepts help from anybody She is 90 years old She has ear problem but i cannot convince her for doctor control Im my mother's only child .

❤

Great video!

Right now, I am 13 years of age. I am a smart kid, I will admit that. I am bettering myself right now because, I live in Pennsylvania, my pap, age of 69 right now, and my uncle, age of 55 right now, will need assistance when they get of age. (exc.) The last few days my parents let me spend the night with my pap. My pap and uncle both own a good amount of land, both wealthy-ish, today before I came home my pap made a deal with me, when I turn 18 if I take care of myself, and some of his basic necessities, he will let me stay with him, or live with him, as long as I go to college and work for it. Gladly, I took the offer, he has a good bit, a whole lot, of beautiful country land and a beautiful house, I start early working for it, I am in the comments sharing my story because basically, I am trying to prove that its never too early to start bettering yourself and working for the best!
(Any tips or comments are gladly appreciated as a response I enjoy reading what people think! Take care of yourself and work hard! :))

Exceptionally helpful! Thank you.

Thank you for this video. Excellent tips for starting down this path.. I appreciate the rapid style tips - I don't have much time to listen . Love that you addressed time suckers too

This was informative and thanks for sharing.

Thank you..yes very helpful...brothers are no help 🤥

My husband and I will be moving in with my mom in her home to help care for her. And she’s stubborn, dementia is setting in, she’s controlling and has an explosive temper. I feel like I need to have war combat training lol I’m scared, but she wants to stay in her home but can not care for herself anymore and she’s not safe alone. She only lives on social security so my husband and I would be able to care for her, and save money for us instead of paying high rent in our apartment. Just not sure I can handle it emotionally.🥺

There is no help in my mountry, no places in nouring home, hospitals do not want to accept patiens (it is noones department they say), i do not work becouse i must stay at home, i can not get financial support or formal status as "caregiver"

I am practicaly nursing my mother till she dies, she can not move, eat, chande dipers..etc.

Complete care needed and literaly no one to help. Gp doctor comes and states "yeah, she has low blood pressure, bad apetite etc." - and thats all.

Thank you for teling me whats wrong but i see it myself

For you to know witch this f* up country it is Croatia - with big hole in medical system for much cases that happen to patients/caregivers

My mother refused to talk to me for the last 20 years because I wanted to meet my father. Now she's in need of help and I'm not sure I can help her❓

Michelle Private 24-7

Awesome tips.Thank you! You coverered really essential but difficult to talk about topics like setting boundaries and expectations, family meetings, etc.

I need advice. My husband & I are considering having his 91 year old grandma move in with us. Husband works ALOT so it would mainly be on me, and we have 7 & 12 year old sons as well. I work from home full time but will be able to take time off easily to care for her. She is currently in the nursing home and hating it, but will not be released to live on her own again. She won't need care 100% of the time, but will need assistance with showering, incontinence, etc. We don't want to see her lose hope by being stuck in the nursing home but I'm already a busy mom and would like other's opinions. Thanks

I came back from a trip and my mom was moved into my house. Where can I find those resources for help?

Amozon later

I just cried when you said, "Donʻt feel obligated." and "Donʻt take over your parentʻs life." Mom is 93 and I just got off of 2 years taking care of my invalid brother, because she tried to do everything at 89-91 (he passed 2 yrs ago)... so back to back stress for me to cover her. The statement: I can take care of my parent until..... is what Iʻm facing now. Iʻm exhausted working full time. She has a wherewithal, she bathes, she eats... but she is messy, and now in our home, she is taking over our living room with loud tv... I feel it is too early for nursing home... in Hawaii it is soooo expensive as well. thanks so much for this video. I really needed it.

I feel guilty about setting boundaries so I’m glad it’s one of the tips. I feel like I’m giving all I can and even though she wants me to do everything she will have to hire someone else to help also.

Thank you, this is so helpful. My husband and l are preparing to move-in my elderly step-father.

Thank you for sharing. ❤

Thank you for your tips. So glad I found you. My 86 yr old dad really depends on my 83 year old mom to do everything. He's starting to have trouble walking and is too proud to order a walker. He is a vet. I feel confident to step in. Thank you.

Thank you for the video! I think it's important to let your parents ask you when they need help and be available for them when they do ask. Lately my mom who is 83 has been asking me to drive every now and then. I live at home with my parents so they do ask for favors like opening up jars or reading off medication bottles. I also do chores around the house and run errands with my mom. I go with them on their appointments. It is a blessing to me to be able to take care of them.

Wonderful

Patience is key

This was an amazing first video to watch on this subject, thank you so much!!!

I am about to become a care giver to my 88year old grandma after her hip replacement surgery 😔 I really appreciate that you stressed boundaries. It is so easy to jump into these exchanges without setting them.

Im here because maybe i will apply for this pisition the thing is my english is basic

Ver helpful thank you 😊

We live in the desert n there’s no food service send to our homes 😭 but thank you for the other tips 👍💕

In an ideal world this would be perfect. I have been ingrained in this predicament currently. Is it intentional to talk about all of the possibilities of potential help yet not once does it tell you how or who or anything other than hypothetical help. Besides subscribing what is step of 1 of who to or what to or where to find out anything other than join a group that doesn’t meet but it’s there to do. I apologize. As you bare witness I am rather brazenly these days. I don’t mean to

How to deal with Stress?

I'm soo frustrated my dad is in a nursing home and his money is draining. I want him to come home but me and my wife work ft during the day and we make good money but that will stop because I may have to quit my job. I'm not close to retirement I'm getting scared. I know how to care for him it's just I'm in the prime of making good money away from home, I'm stressing!!!

Thank you for the great and helpful tips, Sophia! I was not able to find volunteer help at the elderhelpers website. Do you have any other suggestions on how to find volunteer help?

Here's one more tip to add....learn PROPER techniques for hands-on care, such as transferring techniques, in/out of shower or car, incontinence care etc to avoid injuring your parent or yourself!

Excellent tips! One that I would add is to take a break as often as you need it (if you can). Knowing I have a break in two weeks, helps me hold my tongue when I get snapped at when doing something I think should be appreciated. I also try to remember that needing someone do things for you can be so frustrating when you have always been a very independent person. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos - the ones about the VA benefits have been a godsend!