When I Replaced Olga Smirnova | Coping with Imposter Syndrome + Anxiety | Learning to Trust yourself

This is a famous Mariinsky test. They throw u in a sink or swim situation.

Thank you for sharing your story. I really really needed to hear this today. ❤

You did your very best under the circumstances. You are very lucid about the experience. My feeling is that they picked you for the performance because it would be easy to blame "the foreigner" if there was a problem. It was easier for those in charge to deflect their own incompetence.

Thank you for sharing this performance story. It helps a lot to learn how you handled things.❤

You are so open and I really love the way you describe your experiences. I don't think it was fair that they hadnt given you roles to perform. I'm so glad you came through in the second half. It was very interesting about the pointe shoes. I love your channel.

I do not enjoy the background music in this video - it distracts from your talk

I hope there are many young dancers out there who listen to your advice and mindset tips! To add to your poignant point regarding how being underweight / under-fuelled negatively impacts performance, it’s interesting to consider that anxiety and stress are physiological consequences / symptoms of being in energy deficiency (i.e. not eating enough for the work you do) or being underweight… so you would potentially get less nervous in the first place, or at least be better equipped to deal with nerves, if you ensure your body is adequately fuelled on a regular basis :)

Thank you for making this =)

What shoes did you end up wearing!?

I subscribed to your online platform with your (paid) lessons. They are lovely and I really appreciate your professionalism and artistry. Also beautiful to see a good entrepreneurial spirit in a young female athlete and artist that you are ❤

Sounds like they put too much pressure on you there and specially about weight, such a shame, probably ruined many talents too as not everyone handles pressure well, some people are very sensitive.

I would be curious to hear where you actually ended up dancing, I mean which company after you where ready with your school in Vaganova? And do you still dance?

Great video, and so many lessons to apply besides just to ballet! Isabella, did you you keep a journal during your student days, and if so, how do you still draw out the detail from these memories to keep the stories fresh?

In your hindsight reflections you cut through the starry glamour around the practicalities of performance (shoes, weight, finer points of technique, energy levels) and very helpfully include your own disconnection from the ambitions others had for you from the way you felt and saw yourself (or perhaps hadn't, not consciously anyway). I love your description of your OOB experience, when you became lost to yourself on stage and then had to reign in the atoms. I love how you take control creating a whole person, an undivided self which you are then able to express both confidently and artistically. Your dead-pan reaction to the 'death stare' had me in stiches - so very Russian.

Hi, does anyone know how far can I get with ballet if I start at 19 . I wanted serious training experience to be part of my everyday life but I don't think any school or teacher would be willing to take me seriously, all that is offerd are 2 adult classes a week they focus on fun, don't push you or correct much. Is there a chanse to ever preform in anything as adult or be of use to ballet schools? Although I've never done ballet professionally, in the next 10 years I really want to train as if I'm going to make a living out of it, even though I'll probably never perform

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Isabella! These are very valuable lessons learned, beyond ballet for life.

Wow! Did you stop dancing because of nerves? Injury?

Thank you for these videos! I'm wondering if you could maybe do a video on improving turnout - through stretches, but especially exercises for building strength for your turnout?

Isabella, thank you so much for sharing, this probably wasn’t easy for you. I feel so sorry for you that you couldn’t enjoy your performance. 😢 You should be so proud of yourself instead- I‘m sure it wasn’t half as bad as you thought, no matter what Altynai Asymuratova thought! Wasn’t there anyone who congratulated you? This is so really sad, I feel really moved by your story, because I also screwed up an important performance once, and to this day, I can’t even talk about it.

You’re so adorable. So humble and honest, self deprecating. One cannot help but root for you! I’m hoping for all the best things for you Isabella.

You are so beautiful and this is a fantastic story. I’m inspired to buck up and do my best not to squander my life. So thank you❤️

This is off topic, but I was wondering if you could talk about hair loss in the ballet community. This was also happening to me when I was a dancer, very anxious, not eating very much, constant buns and hair coloring. I wonder if there is anything that you are doing for it? Any tips and tricks you could share from other dancer’s? I have considered Monoxidil, but it may be toxic to cats and my bb is more important to me than my hairline. But My hairline is still important to me. Anyway, I’m sure that this is something that at least half of ballet dancers deal with and I’d like to feel less alone about it.💛thanks again for sharing your beautiful soul🩰🪷🦋

Really enjoyed your retelling if your experience. Thank you for sharing this. May I please suggest that you not use the name of the Lord Jesus so casually? Your videos are so interesting. Would love to see a little of the video of this performance in this video.

Thank you for sharing Isabella! It's so important to learn from our mistakes and building experience is not easy!

Performing on stage is a different kind of skill than dancing in the classroom. They are both wonderful in their own ways. I always felt like the best dancing actually takes place in class, and when you get spontaneous appreciation from your peers and/or teacher, the people who know you and know your dancing, it's the best kind of validation you can get. That being said, I think performing on stage for an audience definitely has a spiritual or metaphysical element to it. I was one of those performers who would have normal stage fright, but then the minute I stepped on stage it disappeared and I was in a different state. The magical energy that a charismatic performer has is something that some people have naturally and for people for whom it does not come naturally, it is a matter of 'letting' your soul shine through so that you are connecting with your audience. It's not an act of force. So, when you are wondering how to let your soul shine through, it's important to remember that no matter how far away the audience is, people cannot help but notice your eyes. Yes we spend years worrying about our feet and legs, but the audience receives the performance communique through your eyes. The best dancers and performers of all types seem to crackle with an energy that suffuses their entire being. Some dancers are radiating that energy every second they are on stage. There is not a millisecond they are not 'inhabiting' the dance. I think of Yulia Lopatkina, Natalia Makarova, Kimin Kim, Marinela Nunez, Natalia Osipova, Baryshnikov, just to name a few. But also Sting, Meryl Streep, Robert Downey Jr., & Russell Crowe. The thing to remember is that there is only one you, and only you have that particular soul signature. You just have to let it shine.

For Pete’s sake, how can a teacher/school expect someone to perform like a seasoned pro when they have had no experience. Whether it is dancing, acting , public speaking, etc in front of an audience, there is almost always
‘Beginners nerves’ and the only way to get over them is experience. You can self taught yourself to death to gain confidence, but ultimately it is performing in front of an audience that is the cure. You are very brave to share this

What you share confirms so much about the culture of ballet, and that in some elite institutions, but also at other levels, it’s survival of the fittest— and anyone who can’t figure it out on their own suffers. You can get there—but at what cost? In my history courses at a university where there are many good ballet dancers, they have already absorbed negative valuations about themselves that are hard to erase. Positive self talk helps, as does growth mindset—but that’s not what you get in the studio. The field is behind— Russia has great training of the body, but can’t keep up with creative choreography. Maybe if they built into dancers a stronger sense of self, more sylphs and swans would take ballet into a brighter future. Thanks for sharing your stories.

Loved this …. You certainly are a very mature young lady ❤️

Thank you for sharing - can't imagine the terror of learning the role to the level of perfection we see.

I love Russian ballet so much, for me it's the best in the world. The strength, the clean technique, the artistry in the technique, the artistry, and I especially appreciate how seriously they take art and ballet - the respect and passion this seriousness engenders comes through in their ballet and takes it into depths of feeling and meaning I find lacking in other cultures' ballet. To get these insights into so many aspects of that world in my native language feels like a privilege; I've so enjoyed bingeing your videos since I discovered your channel. I appreciate you again sharing your stories with us with vulnerability, humility, and wisdom. I'm at a different stage in life with different issues but the themes are universal and the way you share and talk is really helping to stoke my inner strength and determination to keep going. Thank you 🙏🏼

This was so interesting Isabella, and I love that despite fumbling, you kept your head high and deliver. Like you said, even though peoples at the Vaganova regarded you very highly, but if they didn't act on that (casting you, getting you on the stage), how can you know? This shows that in teaching, compliments and encouragement play a huge part in developing the student's confidence.
Also, funny story, I remember watching a video of that year's (2011) Vaganova graduation performance on the MarrinskyEn channel. The first words Altynai Asylmuratova said when they were interviewing her were: "It could've been a lot better. There were a lot of mistakes.' She then commented on the Shades act: 'If you wanna dance the shades, then dance it like the Mariinsky dancers do, not worse.' While watching that I literally thought to myself 'Jeez what's the deal? Your students worked their butts off for this. Acknowledge that first at least.' Lyudmila Kovaleva was also interviewed but she was a lot warmer and only gave praises. It would be interesting if you can make a video on the teachers at the Vaganova, and how strict/nice they were.
Again, fantastic video! I hope you can make more storytime videos like this in the future! It's fascinating to listen to.

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This was an amazing story. Thank you for sharing it! ❤️🩰

Love your videos💗💗

This comes out on my birthday!