Co-Parenting with a Narcissist | Dr. Ramani Durvasula | Co-Parenting & Coffee

I really have a problem with the idea that you should never tell your kids what you are going through. So I should really let my kids think that I’m mentally unstable with no reason behind it? That’s bullshit. I’m not telling them every stupid thing he says, but I’m absolutely open with my kids at times about when he’s being extra abusive and my mental health is struggling because of it, and I think that HONESTY with my kids is best. I can’t see any other way around the situation. I won’t be a parent that lies to their kids.

Also, I have a cousin whose dad was a horrible narcissist, and when she was a baby he stabbed himself, and then when the police came he told them my Aunt had done it and they took HER to jail. At some point my cousin was told about this, and years later when she was a teenager and he tried this exact same thing with his new victim, she was able to tell the police that he had stabbed himself and he had done it before to her mom, and they arrested HIM. (And my cousin finally got to never have to see him again.) Telling kids the truth arms them with the truth, it protects them and I don’t understand arguing otherwise.

What if my ex is all of the above it just depends on the day?

Judges and attorneys should be able how to spot and read a narcisist

In my opinion, this about not talking bad about the other parent is complete nonsens. We cant just look the other way on how the other parent is beahving, it will just confuse our children.. If we just ignore it will just be more confusing then it already is. But there is a difference on how we talk about it. Just trash talking will do no good, but that dosnt mean you still cant talk about it. For example, if your child brings up something about the other parent or a situation, then you can ask your child like "how does it make you feel when daddy/mommy does that? Or, what do you think is right or wrong?.. Just plant the seed and let your child come up with the conclusion on their own.. Becuse they need to process their trauma, not neglect it..

This is so informational and validating .

I'm dealing with this Right now thru the Courts and I feel like I'm losing this Battle. Just Terrible 😡😔

So just be happy that it's not a malignant type. 😂 I can find happiness like this.

These all are so true facts proven ...Even if we try our best these are exactly what a child goes through.. we as an adult until age of 40's don't know how to protect ourselves some take whole life.... how do we protect our kids then?

I am dealing with a malignant at the moment. Quite early in the process, but had to be off studies/work for a while to gain strength and mindfullness. I have been called in to police, social justice, tried to be cut off all my savings, homeless, hold the children away, talk behind my back to the children, flying monkeys. I still love a false image of her. It's insaine.

I am winning though due to she has a ex with my bonus child where she did the exact same and used me as a flying monkey. Now she might loose all custody and even jail through the other custody battle. That has been going on for 7 years.

It is truley chocking to go through. Best of luck to all of you and my biggest thanks for this channel and community. ❤

This is the most important video for parents to watch - it is accurate.

Biff format

Communication should be through email only. Use the buff format brief, informative, friendly, firm. Do not use apps . Other parents that I have taked with going through the peace program say you are wasting your money and the courts don't regulate it or keep track of what is being said.

The judge and police officers see you both as being petty and will say those words to you. When the co parent imposes on your parenting plan, you have to convince the police officers to change the other co parent with visitation interference. And you have to inform the police officers that their job is to enforce the parental affidavit not reinterpreting the order.

In a nutshell, the narc didn't care to have his kids or be involved. He was basically non-existent. It was his choice. After all he wasn't involved before divorcing him. He felt it was my job to raise them.

Where is the link for Tina?

I’ve listened to so many hours of information on the topic and I’ve personally found this hour is without a doubt the most helpful and applicable: thank you sincerely so much. If you’ve ever pondered it, I’m sure many would dearly appreciate a Part 2 covering more material on this very difficult topic… thanks again😊

My ex is borderline and I’m a codependent, it’s a nightmare getting divorced.

Thank you Dr Ramani for this invaluable information. I'll listen to you even on my death bed because you saved my life. I dodged a bullet by refusing to coparent completely. Peace is my portion everyday✌️✌️

You don’t sugarcoat it. That’s great. People being gaslit all the time need an empethetic ppsychologist that doesn’t sugarcoat

Thanks for sticking these videos up. Thanks for letting me know what I’ve gotten myself into. It’s hard dealing with narcissistic mother who is chipping away at alienating my son from me. The fella turn 18 in December and the day before his 18th, she was chipping away at him in that he doesn’t have to go to Dad’s anymore. The sick bit is she will use him to hit me over my head with medical issues.
I don’t often seek help and I certainly do not have the money to burn to get help. It’s hard at times but I do shoot for the high road when things go south and I have had the satisfaction many times for doing that. Now that the fella is 18, and he is a type one diabetic, and he ‘can do what he wants’. It’s harder to ensure he takes ownership of his disease and all the other things that go on in his life. The fella is mummt cuddled, never worked a day in his life and from what I see coming from the mother home, that’s not going to happen. It’s a shame as she is destroying him and me..

Two years left til youngest turns 18 and legally he can’t drag me into court anymore. My terror is he will continue his damage to continue to hurt the kids to try to hurt me by offering lots of money to provide them with graduation or engagement parties etc and tell kids I can’t be at his party etc. so I think his damage will continue after the kids are adults. But again I can’t do anything to change that for my kids and yes I am
Worries he will continue all of his BS for the rest of my life connected to my kids. Will it ever stop

How can you co parent with a narcissist & your child has ASD... (answer) You take up the Lord in husbandry & rebuke the devil until your rebuker is worn out!!! Fast & pray.. Break the yoke of bondage & thank the Lord for your blessings in advance. 🙏 walk by faith & in love & with the holy spirit. Watch for the Lord to move Mountains for you.

And this right here is the reason why a lot of people stay in these abusive relationships until the kids are old enough

Holy hell! Are we all narcissists? I'm starting to worry I'm a covert one...lol hope to God not!!!

My ex has now isolated 3 of my 4 children from me, using money, property to manipulate them against me after they chose to live with me full time. Stealing them back from me so I have no one. 😢 The winner takes it all

OH MY GOSH! This is my life EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

My husband really only wants to be with our kids when they are doing things that he likes. Other than that, complaining, complaining, complaining…..😵‍💫

Could both parents be narcissists?

I need some hope… I hate hearing “no kid walks out of this unscathed.” How do we help our little ones? 😢

I feel so sad because my son is only 1y old. He will never know what his parents looked like when they were happy together. He will only be able to look at pictures and wonder. But you have given me hope that I will be able to teach empathy and understanding of feelings in my home away from the narc

It's interesting that you're accused of being the "bad person" when you know about narcissism. It's so true that you get told that you can't diagnose anyone, and how can you say that, maybe you're just too sensitive...

I listened to this to try and understand what someone I know is going through. This is worse than awful!! It sounds like a prison for life, sentence. I feel overwhelmed for the person I know and for anyone else who has to manage this life.

I could tell, must some of your examples, that you are referring to Fathers as being the narcissists. I would expect a more equal and balanced outlook from someone like yourself

Hey there! While this video may not offer legal advice, it's still a great resource for co-parenting with a narcissist. It can be tough to navigate a co-parenting relationship with someone who only cares about themselves, but this video offers some valuable insights on how to handle it. So grab a cup of coffee and give it a watch!

Never saw such a great breakdown of the 'Types' of Narcissist until you broke it down!

Honestly, the biggest problem here is the courts and disgusting legal system that enable this behaviour
These law makers must go to hell and their own families should suffer the same from the laws they made

No thank you , my ex made the mess let her clean it up

Thank god i found this

My sons are in their twenties.
We had a family chat and my youngest talked about how angry he was that I'd shared so much of my anger and vitriol towards his father.
That he wanted to form his own opinions, his own relationship.

We both cried.

One of the biggest mistakes I ever made.

Some was I'd had horrible, horrible, horrible experiences with therapy. That was out.

Some was I'd tried to make the marriage look, be, happy that I'd held it in so tight, it just came out.
Friends didn't want to hear. Had no family. And I was a volcano.

And some was I was afraid for their safety.
He had psychotic tendencies, had tried to kill me.
Had told them, when he had them, that he had taken pills and was going to go lay down and die.

I knew..,knew...."he can lie better than I can tell the truth. " He would fool authorities and I might lose custody.

So I told them more than I wanted.
But I also told them way more than I should have.

I hurt them both. Deeply. And it haunts me.

Wow, this is literally my day-to-day reality. Thank you for this

Thank you so much. I thought I was going crazy.

Wow Dr.Ramani said it all.

Just two days ago, my ex pulled up in his Tesla with his new girlfriend whom he used to serve custody papers🤣🤣🤣

Thanks for all your content; after experienced narcissist abuse, with my son’s father and met his family, I became so afraid cause I think is genetic.

Yes, the only people that can afford to pay attorneys to go through that much documentation can afford it. The average parent doesn't have millions of dollars for a legal team. Not that Im suggesting it's pointless but you have to pick and choose and present one or two items. And still, then judges don't want to hear about text messages, etc. You have to be careful not to look like you're talking too much about the narc because the court will look at you like you are not focused on the kid enough. There's no recourse in court over a narc. My lawyer even said, unfortunately being a complete asshole isn't against the law. It's almost impossible to prove emotional abuse.

What to expect for children if the narcissistic gets custody?

Let's stop acting pathetic. Get mad, work to stop this problem. Here's a solution:

Parental Alienation is a KIDNAPPING from the instinct to "erase the Ex" that inspired all those Possession ORDERS.

You make it child-centric and you allow Courts to pimp pseudo-science psychology "expert" opinion to add hearsay for a judge's arbitrary ruling that furthers your family's destruction by assassinating your (the alienated parent's) character in the eyes of your own children.

If police enforced ALL ORDERS in your glovebox docs, the kids would see we must follow the law.
FOLLOW THE LAW! THE ORDERS!

PA is KIDNAPPING.

You misguided targeted parents jumping on the bandwagon for the fad pop-psy fake concept "narcissism" will discover it backfires on YOU, as evidence that YOU insult your Ex!!!

"Narcissism" looks exactly like ambitious, until it "interferes with normal relationships."

Yeah, well, look - most of us ARE divorced... That is a "failed normal relationship"... = pseudo-science!

Google "is psychology a science?"

(Biology degree, a real science:) All mammals have strong, enduring INSTINCTUAL Parent-child bonds. Kids continue to love ABUSIVE parents! It takes re-education (brainwashing) to destroy that bond.

Strange that kids don't use Smartphones to record REAL EVIDENCE against the Targeted Parent? No, because there is no evidence, only delusional beliefs, which in teens, easily becomes lifelong HATRED!

Protect Parental Rights first by calling this Alienation a KIDNAPPING attempt and make it easy for police to enforce ALL the ORDERS in our glovebox docs!

Thinking forensicly..
I like to think like a judge is reading EVERY TEXT...
or my daughter is reading them...
I'm not perfect but that helps me...
Great webinar!! Love what you put out! Thank you 🙌

She's described my ex excatly all the descriptions they all every single one. Everything the doctor said excatly. Why am I so punished and the courts know her bad habits, drugs, neglect, violence, alcohol and she don't want her kid 4yrs I fight now I'm broke no license no credit no kids. Wtf is wrong with the system geez