Autistic Masking and Unmasking ft. @Aspergers from the Inside

I'm high masking Christian Male with Aspergers on the Spectrum.. Autism doesn't look like it when masking all my life.

this video is saving my life

I really loved listening to this conversation.

I'm sitting back having a little giggle and laugh at myself and us as neurodivergent people because we're delayed processors and it's making me think of when you said you stumbled upon it and so many of us stumble upon it accidentally.
I'm putting the pieces together for the past several months and it's coming in waves the realization.
I'm just so tired.
Been masking for decades.
Great video, keep up the good work folks thank you.

The summit would be a good course to purchase replays?

Stimming = self-soothing?

I'm starting to deduce that autistic people are more highly evolved self-aware version of humanity's 'discovery and exploration' of itself.

I feel i can get "figured out" any moment and people wont like me... And that does happen unfortunately. Its very painful but the older i get the less i can mask. Its isolating. Im hoping i will find my tribe or person one day. I wish social interaction came easy to me.

I have not been tested, I am 52 and this just resonates with me.

I am a NT partner of a person I suspect could be Aspie. As I watched this I asked myself if he stims. Then drumming came up. He is constantly banging on my back and shoulders, esp when we are watching music! That may be his stimming!

Masking is a hideous and ineffective practice.

His comment about having to listen with his eyes closed, or talk with his eyes closed hit me kind of rough. I do that now. I have head injuries from the Iraq war, was diagnosed with PTSD as well as Bipolar II disorder, and my mother has said that she always thought I was different so some therapists have wondered about me possibly being autistic, but they say the testing is expensive for adults. What i'm getting at is I think I do the masking stuff, but I haven't talked to anyone that does it to know if I am. I don't have a physical peer group either so it's hard to find out. I just know I relate a lot to what people with Aspburgers, bipolar, ptsd talk about. Bipolar II and PTSD I have a diagnosis for though. that I know lol.

So true about people being suspicious and thinking we are hiding something, being inauthentic, or being dishonest somehow when actually we are simply using strategies to help ourself survive and manage the situation. Frankly, when very honest, people disbelieve, so I might say nothing. No matter what it doesn’t work out. I’m sorry people devalue others so much. They loose out on wonderful qualities that people could share and contribute, much to society’s detriment. People have to be allowed to manage and be realistic with what they can do, and not force, and then in that way miracles happen. Thank you bot so much. It’s an old video but thank you. @YoSamdySam @AspergersfromtheInside

@Aspergers from the Inside @YoSamdySam Totally get the joy from doing the same thing that love everyday that Paul described. I did that for one meal a day, and it was such a joy, nearly my only pleasure during some tough times. On the other hand, I get wanting to have variety; I need to travel and see different places and feel ill trapped in the same place or location, even though I have acute reactions to smells, certain noises, chemicals, crowds, harmful lights, and such. I realised though, as I grew up moving to several locations, sometimes back and forth, due to parent’s work and other reasons, so for me this activity that seems like it is doing something different, is actually a routine, a pattern, movement, that I’m familiar with, so all this moving about ironically is doing something familiar to me, the same pattern. The sensitivity issue is a huge one. I did often have to get out of the metro or train a half dozen times on route sometimes to vomit or get out and recover enough to keep going. So I would often choose instead of commuting home to walk or take a very short commute to stay near work at a capsule/dorm which was hard but better than the commute (in Japan) or , if it were a better money day or I felt sick, stay in an actual private room. All is a balance. Need the variety and experience, love to explore and see people, but have massive challenges and need recovery regularly. Very hard.

Another thought, maybe this is why i like being on the internet so much. I can say what im thinking and act how i want to act instead of how im expected to act. Its just easier. And when you are communicating via text, you can quickly check it before hitting send.

I am glad i have a word for it now. I think its an advanced survival trait. We all evolved from survivors by definition. And it seems like it may come out that autism is hereditary, our liniages have come from people who've had to mask since the first autistics were inventing the wheel and math.

I love her hair! Very classy! The color is much like Meryl Streeps' in the movie, The Post.

We're literally the most beautiful souls in a world filled with hatred and wars. Hopefully, we can help the rulers of our societies to open their eyes to what true love really is 💖

I'm so sorry that I judged and didn't understand at the time. Instead I took it personally, that someone I care about, felt the need to have a safety net... just to be near me. I didn't see the person behind the dreadlocks.🥺🫂💜

I didnt mask in school what i know of or remember. And i think that was bc i was so bullied from year 1 in school i never felt i had an inkling of a chance to fit in anyway so i guess i didnt even bother to try that. I had no use if masking then. So the ones i hung out with or encountered usually told me that they apprechiated my oddness. They also used to say that i made them relaxed because i was so calm and unmowed. (Which was the opposite, only a calm exterior, the inside was panic, i was only quiet bc i didnt know what to say.) On the other hand.. that could be my way of masking then perhaps🤔.
BUT after living on the dark side of soceity for all years until i was around 40 (now im 50) i finally tried to have a normal life with a job and a more normal/functioning lifepartner; then i started masking. And wow... its hard. I had to start keeping EVERYTHING in check; my hygiene, my nerves, the way i am talking (words pace tone), the tjings i say, plus i must remember all i said earlier and live up to that..the way my eyes look, the amount of eyecontact, the way i move. And be on time at a job.
I have so far not had energy to maintain a full time job for more than 6mts.
Its killing me.
But i found a place where they make a thing out of showing me acceptance so i atarted to relax there now. Its been fun working now. Its the last month though.

I wonder if what was removed from the DSM - Aspergers - is actually the formerly unrecognized dual ADHD/AUTISM combo, which is now coming to be seen as relatively common in the neurodivergent.

Way off base

Hey lady, got the love I need. ... sorry you sounds almost like Robert plant an octave up. I'm not making fun just joking😅

Thank you so much this has been so informative and I am starting to realise that I am probably autistic....feeling like I have masked all my life and after having hit a breaking point and being forced to stop and reflect in my life a lot is coming out....perhaps this explains why I lack close relationships other than that of my immediate family.....it has been a raw and difficult but necessary awakening....

I had no idea my bff knew about me and didn't tell me. I told her 13 years into our friendship, the week i learned, and she said she knew. I was like "why didn't you tell me?" 🤣🤣

Thanks 👍

Thank you doc for your good work
It’s been months now and my child has improved completely since using your herbs.
His therapist and school teacher has confirmed his improvement and this makes me happy

OMG the dreadlocks story: I can so relate! Except for me, being a girl, it was dying my red hair blonde and becoming a Barbie like "dumb-blonde". BUT being a girl... and naive.... I ran into lots of ill intended people who took advantage of me unfortunately.

I am 59 and just realised I'm ASD and ADD.
I can't stay at home and love people. I talk a lot.
The way I think about being in public is that I ask them about themselves and let them lead and if it sparks in me a discussion about facts that are not typical then they might just get an education. If they think it's not normal, maybe they just aren't smart enough, and I'm not going to feel insecure about their IQ. Confidence is required. And rest essential. But I don't have to mask or conform. I believe I'm the level they need to rise too

It would be so cool to talk to you at party about gaming theory

By the 4th grade I was aware that I didn't fit in with my classmates/peers, and I learned that if I was an "expert" at something, I'd get attention, interaction, and some sense of acceptance from them. I recall teaching the girls in my class how to crochet a bracelet and incorporate the little plastic charms that gumball machines gave out with gumballs. I've presented that persona since - someone who's competent - to the exclusion of most everything else. People around me really like having someone who's competent around, but they don't really see who I am.

❤

😢

I've been thinking for a long time if i had autism. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ptsd and most recently eupd (bpd). But recently listening to several channels about female masking i'm connecting with what they are saying and realised that what i've been doing since i was a child...unfortunately i've had many break downs and burn outs just trying to keep up this facade of being a capable/level headed/affiable human being and when i'm stressed can't mask at all (but still aware of the people around me and the embarassment and shame i feel when it happens) I struggle being myself around anyone and most conversation feel forced unless its engaging and something that interests me. I'm turning 40 soon and wonder if i should even try for a diagnosis, would it make any difference?

marci: I used to never get headaches before I became sophisticated, Sir.

I am at my most authentic self when I’m dancing! I am extremely creative and I’m a physical representation of the song being played. Other people on the spectrum love it! I am a magnet for them. They feel suddenly “allowed” to dance in their in their unique authentic way!! They feel validated by what I’m doing. They talk to me. We hit it off. We became dance-floor friends…and we don’t have to talk about anything other than our special interests in music an dance. We talk about where to dance to other bands. I spin like a wild banchee on the dance floor for hours and attract ASD/ADD people to me…and the band. I also seem to repel Neurotypicals …they glare at me…many never come back to see the band. So my non-masking dancing has created some safe spaces for me and a whole bunch of neurodivergent folks here Southern NH (land of Live Free of Die types). In general, I think NH attracts neurodivergent people. Artists and authors and craftsmen and investors!! Easy here to have your own business making something (furniture) or fixing something (old cars) in a barn in the woods …or hold a weekly dance party at your barn or your field out in the woods where everyone is free to wear whatever crazy clothes or dance at age 60-70 until dripping with sweat or be awful at small talk or grow a long white beard or never marry & live alone or live at home with Mom at age 30 or 40 or 60. People in MA make fun of the “weirdo” people who live up here…but we say about them “ski or fish then go home”.

I lolled out loud at "Blue tak snails" hahahahahaha .. yes, I stole my teachers' blutack to make snails, and put them around the classroom in primary school ...

I'm confused why people doing small talk is "normal" Don't they feel like they are performing too?
I always end up cornering people at parties and having a sort of existential based conversation.. I've acknowledged this before and mostly people say " no it's ok , I like it " but sometimes I feel like I've robbed people of a light casual time.

I've been watching videos about autistic masks for what feels like a month... everyone and I mean EVERYONE talks about it like it's a shirt they have on, and NOBODY talks about how to DROP IT. HOW DO YOU DO IT?!

"The show must go on!"
So, with stims. I found out that at a young age I was in different kinds of therapies and some being ABA and when people would draw attention to my stims I would find a new subtle one, but I also realized that when I had no means of swimming at all, I couldn't speak effectively and would stammer or stutter and developed "tics"

Nice to see you guys working together 😃👍!

Tough times aye?🇺🇸🇺🇦

For me, being diagnosed at age 4, my main symptom was being quiet because I felt unsafe to express myself because all of my emotions were too extreme for people… imagine people freaking out because you were suddenly acting too happy after being silent for an extended time. I recall that happening well into my 20s. At nearly 40, I find masking is a matter of balancing quietude with polite exchanges, and allowing myself to be imperfect. Socializing has become reinvigorating, instead of exhausting… mainly because I’m no longer trying to keep pace with hyper-social 20yos and all of their toxic nonsense, but also because I’ve set appropriate boundaries for my own sake.

I wish I joined live during this video. I was diagnosed with adhd at the age of 52, can I ask why adhd is so similar with most of the traits of autism! I found this so useful to look into stimming. As I always felt it was my crazy traits and hide them well and never realised it could be an adhd thing too !

The off-script thing, familiar with it! Someone asked so do you live on post. And I replied yes, but not down the road due to divorce. NT reaction: Awkward silence. Followed by maybe things will work out and you can stay on post. Me: No, too late for that. It won't. More awkward silence. Masking literally in this case would have meant for me to control myself more in regard to how elaborate my answer would be.

Well, I took some of my questionnaires to a small bar that I used to go out to in order to get my data for a psychology assignment for college. And I didn't think of it as odd at all. I knew people there so why not.

I’ve been masking my whole life 😮😮😮😮

I always have to tell myself to look at peoples eyes. Then I get anxious that I’m staring too hard. I also make myself say certain responses to new interactions. I have to tell myself to be aware of my facial expressions

I am an old guy in Dallas, Texas. While researching my depression, I have discovered that I am autistic through stumbling across information online and channels like yours and Paul's. Today, I have learned more about masking than I've ever understood by listening to this conversation between you two! I am 63 and at first, I was elated by the revelation. Until today, I had started become embittered by having had find out what was wrong on my own. Learning to unmask will go a long way to helping deal and cope with my diversity. You'll probably never see this, but between you and Paul, I've learned so much and your channels have pushed me a long way toward dealing with my autism and become productive again.