Long-Term Effects of Manipulation | Rejection, Emotional Numbness, and Personality Disorders

How long have you been a scientist ?

How do you choose your subjects/human subjects ?

Have you or are you using information &/or people who live or are around you in your life as subjects/science projects ?

Do you use tarot for your science studies ?

Are you or anyone else you know using these scientific studies for political gains ?

Fascinating.

I watched this because of me rejecting family and not knowing if I did the right thing, or I have a problem. I'm not doing well myself physical health problems,and I'm mad about myself, and depressed. Dr Grande, please tell me what I should watch.

This topic was so needed for me today. I am 65 yrs old and have lived with a narc for 32 yrs. Tried to leave him 4 times. At this time in my life, I'm contemplating leaving him for good. He blocked me from going to hair dressing school and then told me he didn't see me as one. Yet he complains about not having $$ and expects me to bring in money without any real skills. I honestly am afraid to go to work and I don't know why. I can work at home and do but he has blocked me once again from making real money bc he won't clean the garage up and move big things out of it. That would open up doors for me to create and make very good money. But that would also give me freedom. I feel like I can't do anything right. If thats the case how on earth can I get a job and hold it down. We live in separate rooms, no intimacy at all. I so want to leave him and just don't know what to do.

I like watching your videos I find them quite informative generally. I feel you completely missed the mark on this topic when psychological abuse is experienced when the narcissist is having full-blown rage episode and the extreme dissociative personality is exposed. You mention before the dark triad and tedrad. Abuse in this regard I believe is emotional violence. Can you talk more about this aspect?

I have no personailty disorder. I believe i was born this way because I've never felt any type of emotions. I detached myself from society about 40 years ago. Im 52 now.

Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,

I find your intelligence, Dr. Grande, very attractive.

We need to teach these important topics, on some level, in schools before dating age 🙏

I do like to revisit these older videos. They are insightful and educational. People are complex most time. I always hated conflict especially mixed with rage. Was married a long time before i couldnt take it anymore. It made me happy to finally feel nothing for this man whom terrorized myself and kids. He is in AA now it was my hope he would help with a tradety our son was experiencing, sadly this man will never ever be healthy ir helpful to our kids or acknowledge what he has done. It was the last chance i will ever give him at least i tried. My kids always craved the love of their father even though they know and hate his rejection. It does affect them and they are fully grown, its his loss but they have paid for this as well.

I had the lovely experience of my parents being narcissists

My mother’s rejection, almost total control, scrutiny, and criticism of me and my sis during our childhoods made our lives quite unbearable. I am 68, and she is 90–and needing me/us more than ever. I’ve had three failed marriages, the last two were with narcissistic men, much like my mom. Several years ago, I moved across the country to finally become my own person instead of being a “mini her.” Any boundary that I put in place is met with tears and martyrdom. At least I’m not living close to her anymore. Thank you for spelling out the effects that my mother’s behavior has had on me. I still love her very much, but I can’t allow her make my twilight years a misery. Clearly, I need counseling.

He should do a video on the long-term effects of chronic torture.

I feel freedom everyday. Listening to these videos helps very much. I cannot diagnose my ex narc/addict however the topic here
are surely the life I was living. Thank you. My trauma based therapy also helps me though this.

you are so on the money. you are highly intelligent and have been fresh air. ty

Another fantastic video.❤

i just wanna get away from my vindictive ass mother

Good morning Dr. Will you consider addressing the adult child Dark Triad who's abuse is directed toward the parent? Also how and why an adult child becomes Dark Triad abuser?

Let us point out that some of us truly do not judge others who have done extremely horrible things , but we can abuse me - so nice 👍

Often the closing comment, "good luck!" reveals a manipulative undertone based on rejection even when that was never communicated. It makes me sad 😢 when encountering yet one more person who makes it difficult to become authentically close 😞. Adding malice, boundary violations and placing someone in harm's way out of spite unfortunately adds to neuroticism and rejection.

Need to teach this in first grade 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💯

Go silent on them as they do you 😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😂🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🙌🙌💯💯💯😎😎😎😎

They closed the mental hospital s in the 80s and these illnesses have been forgot about also my family has been failed by not having mental hospitals fools 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

I am both physically and emotionally destroyed from this long term relationship. My nervous system is shot. Panic attacks in my sleep, anxiety all day, moodswings, it's hard to hold down a job.

I've always been stable, total emotionally in control. I am now having heart problems.

So many lies, constant manipulation, then the physical violence. In the end she blamed everything on me and the slander to her family did a secondary trauma. Cheating, you name it. Get away from these people fast!

They were a terrifyingly great liar, like "Gone Girl" that their whole day was based around alibis and making fake stories. Started hiding cameras and talking with her friends as the facade faded. When I finally caught her stealing, lying, manipulating and cheating in one fell swoop, she gaslit me and drug me through the court system for domestic abuse, until I found a playbook she left behind... On how to manipulate me. It truly feels like I lived through a horror movie, and whenever people start laughing about how I act robotic and talk like an automated voice message system, I just coldly respond "I died a long time ago."

How does one factor sensitivity into all this Doctor?

This is so helpful and clear, you are such a help to me, thank you Dr Grande.

My Dad was a massive narcissist and did each underhanded thing Dr. Grande said. It helped to ruin my life and thwart the entire family. And for damn what?

🤯. Minute mark 17:27 regarding relationships with an OCPD spouse was spot on!! I’ve been learning more about the disorder and how it manifests, but it was very validating to hear exactly how I have been personally affected. Thank you!!! I’m also starting to see how interrelated narcissistic behaviors can be. I feel that OCPD with a side of covert/neglectful narcissism come the closest to what I have experienced over our 20 yr marriage, which is currently ending in a difficult divorce. The situation is challenging, but oh so liberating! My feelings of despair and anxiety lifted the moment I moved out and I’m finding joy in life again. Even though divorce is hard, I’ve noticed our kids are responding positively to the change as well. 💕

Spot onDr Crande

Thank you. Keep it coming. I need it

How would I push back on the numbness. I feel completely isolated and help around me need supply more than to help.

Critizim its easyer to enter into their no where life style. Gaslighting of my really by parent or ppl who are supposed to be safe. Police doctors, nurses, mental health professionals friends family. Yeah so on a growth mode and learning about my own feelings and that I am not alone

Thank u for discussing this. With this info I can develop more self awareness and insight

The topic about making mistakes and having a safe space to accept and process them on order to improve and evoluate is one I stand 100 percent behind.

Though it seems to me that this old fashion education forms and ways to teach are still way too present in our societies, I hope we can , in order to improve this wrong approach towards learning, start debating about better ways to do this and introduce them into the education system and also coach parents on better ways to interact with their children around learning. . Shame, guilt and punishment are poor and narcissistic making methods and do only create robots who are disconnected from their core intentions to learn, and even more so from their mistakes. Instead, I think when punished and shamed they connect with shame and fear, which are the worse teachers.

My mini thoughts on this.

I believe emotional numbness comes from abuse. If you can't escape you become numb. Very simple from ladies I've talked to.

Vaknin says you go thru enough abuse from narcissistic people, you SNAP. SO does Les Carter.

This is a great breakdown! Thank you🙏🏽

The worst thing about this sort of manipulation/abuse is that you generally suffer in silence, it can even be hard to find people that believe you, especially when the abuser makes themselves out to be a victim that is leaving an abuser!

Hi Dr. Grande. I love your channel. I have a question for you. I was in a relationship for 12 years with a very physically/Emotionally manipulative Narcissist or Psychopath. He beat me, lied, cheated repeatedly, gaslighted and disappeared and returned and devalued me over and over. I am finally out of the relationship but I am finding it very difficult to trust new people or enter a new relationship.I avoided it for a long time but then started feeling too lonely. Recently I met a man who has treated me very well. But then he pressured me into moving in with him very soon. Now at night when I am asleep I have been awakened to find him on top of me beating me. And I have to wake up quickly and fend him off. It is so scary to wake up like that. When I talk to him about it he says he doesn't remember and says he has no control over it. And seems to act a little amused when I talk about it. Which makes me more uneasy. I got all my things and got out. I was really afraid of him, maybe he would kill me. Is there such a thing as a sleeping disorder like this. He is 65. I am 55. I wish you could answer.

thank you Thank You THANK YOU 🙏👍✊👉✌

Spot on!

Ten years ago I felt confident, five years ago less confident and thought I knew it all after research. Now I found myself in a loophole. All confidence except for one grain is left. I'm so blind...

Yes freedom!!!

Talk about mass suggestion please. And 1984 style propaganda and how it affects the human psyche

My narcissistic sister has wanted my life to be hard as possible, no normal care, loyalty, or empathic feelings.its awful when thats all the family one has

These longer, older video's are super helpful ... Dr. Grande many of us are victims suffering in silence ... I hate being the empath, feel as though I've lost respect for myself ... I'm beyond mentally drained after so many years ... I'm watching these older uploads several times, thank you wholeheartedly .

The borderline is actually a victim, and not by choice, parental abuse context. hes no playing anything, it is very real, the anger is to protect the damge or the wound from being worsened. Fakse accusations no always. the boprderlines are oftentimes originally empaths, they have a lot of insight m so the empath has to be really disregulated to an extreme to make false accusations, ofr they are extrmely moral personas

Why are all the comments geared against narcicists? What about those of us who have been manipulated by men dressed up as women (literally chix with dix) and are told by society if they dont suck that chicks dick, then they are biggoted against transgenders?