The Truth about Daycare, Nannies, and Working Moms | The Lila Rose Podcast E78

The support for the mother of young children has always been something that her husband or other family members provided. Realistically the more the government provides it, the more it gets abused, and it also puts an extra load on taxpayers who are trying hard to support their own families. Private charity, in cases where the mother doesn't have family, is always preferable to that from government.

My son was an only child until he was 9 and we would still call him "the baby" when he was 7! 😂

I can basically sum up this 2 hour video in one sentence. Don’t have kids under capitalism.

Wear the baby for a year? That's insane. Only 20 minutes break for a whole year? No way. This is way too extreme.

I totally agree with here, my son is 2 now and I will stay home till he is 3. I work from home and the first year and a half my mother lived with us to help us. Sometimes I miss the tech job grind, but I am okay with the job I have which requires less hours of work and is flexible. My son stayed home with my mom and me the first year, he breastfeed on demand and I worked as less as I could. Then we started daycare at 1, for 3 days a week. and I tried always to left him as less as possible there. Since September, he is 4 days a week and again I always think I cant be as an adult full focused 12 hour working, so he does not need to be more than 7 hours there. But again, is very difficult to go against the career aspirations and how they force things on children so the parents have less work on them and can continue producing. First the big fight against breast feeding, that the bottle is much better, and I totally refused. I breastfeed as long as I can. Then to put them on the crib, or the crying out method, those were horrific things my husband tried to do with him and I refused. He always co sleep by my side until he decides to go to his own bed. I am glad I hear this talk and keep working hard to be as much time emotionally and physical present with him.

Everything she said was on POINT. The truth hurts but it needs to be said. Women too busy “gettin to the bag” and tryna “compete with men, that we have failed to be there for what matters most- the children . 💯🗣

She could definitely be in the Joe Rogan Podcast

Thank God that staying at home for 3 years is an option for me here in Germany.

I am a bit confused why generally, when commenting on the next person who would offer the baby comfort and care aside from the mother, the father isnt mentioned? My babys dad is incredible with him, id say as much as I am. We do have a blessed set up where he is able to do home office some days of the week, and I am self employed and can go to work on my own terms (around 3x a week, 3 to 6 hours). On the families that have such opportunities, wouldnt the babies benefit a lot from physical and emotional presence from their fathers, along with that of their mothers too?

These are great conversations amongst women but we need more men to be aware and involved in these discussions!

I disagree on the postpartum portion. My mother stayed at home, very sweet nurturing woman. But I felt detached from my daughter when she was born. I gave birth at 20. I didn’t have a career aligned. I didn’t have a husband. I felt like my daughter (god forgive me) ruined my life. My body was ruined. My bank account was emptied to provide for my daughter so all the money i saved for my career was gone. My freedom was gone etc. I am pro life so that’s why I kept her but I felt a HUGE sense of regret even tho I love my daughter dearly. Very confusing time but definitely I had postpartum and I don’t think it had anything to do with a detachment disorder

I was having a tough day .. a day of anxiety and fear. I've had to make incredibly tough decisions in the past 4 years after finding out I was pregnant.

My daughters almost 3.5 years now and listening to the podcast has helped me feel a bit lighter knowing that I tried all suggestions mentioned and I was able to spend the last 3.5 years with my daughter... even though it was mostly in isolation and with little emotional and family support.

I tried many times to create a community but always met extremely disinterested detached mothers, I went through over 10 (untrained) nannies in 1 year because I very quickly saw they didn't like children they just wanted a salary. My family and friend thought I was crazy, stupid, lazy for choosing my child over financial stability. Babys father turned out to be extremely abusive and eventually abandoned his chold. Its been very tough on so may levels.

But its good to see that being present for my child through it all makes a difference.

I'm now looking for remote work hoping I can be at home for her for another 3 years ..while being financially secure. Its been a journey.

Adding my story for mothers who've also have had the worst of luck. This daid my experience has been extreme but its also been the best period of my entire life .. the beat thing to have ever happened to me was becoming a mother. Atleast I'm blessed to experience this joy in spite of the circumstances.

Stay at home women have no respect

This was a really good discussion. I would have liked to hear a bit of info on handling multiples (twins and triplets) or children that are very close in age and all need their mother.
Forming these kinds of attachments with adopted children was also not covered here and I would have loved to hear their perspective on it.

My husband and I had our children about the time nanny cams came out showing terrifying scenes of abuse. We also knew exactly what it would cost, not only for daycare, but the cost of me going back to work. We already had used cars at the time, continued that habit to this day. We did not live luxuriously, rarely went on vacation, never yearly. I cooked, we rarely went out for dinner, however for a break from cooking, we often purchased things like fried chicken, bc I hated to cook that particular meal, and my family loved it. I would cook a large batch of mac and cheese from scratch, sometimes the biscuit too, maybe a vegetable or mac, potato or green salad, lots and lots of salads, they liked them so it was easy. Sometimes when we wanted something special, we would have high quality steak. We saved so much money living very modestly. I was glad to be a stay at home mom, homemaker, home schooling mom, soccer mom, much much more, it is a very honorable, valuable calling.

Unfortunately the hand I was dealt doesn’t allow me to stay at home during my childrens’ first three years. I will always feel guilty about that. Know what is best, and do your best.
Not a perfect solution, but we MUST push for paid maternity leave in the US.

Please do another interview together about the role of fathers! Thank you so much for this discussion, it's so important and that cannot be overstated!

I really enjoyed this talk and would love to read her books. So much here that matches what I intuitively thought.
If I were talking to her in person I’d pushback a little on the idea that “you just make community” as if that were an easy thing to do.

I hate the ads in the podcast

My husband and I have always tried to work opposite of eachother, so one of us was with the kids and I worked part time when the kids were babies. All of our kids bonded with my husband as well as me since they also had that time with Dad caring for them as a primary caretaker too. My daughter I was home full time with, the first few years ( she was very much a mommy's girl), did not bond with Dad as much, though enough, as the other 3 who had more 1:1 time with Dad too. It worked well to trade off for work since we needed the income.

I’m currently a stay at home mom with my 4th kiddo. Had him in September of 23. My other kiddos I was a teacher so they always stayed with me in whatever school that I went to. However, this go round I’m completely invested in my family. While I love teaching, I know that in these times my kiddos/family need me more. Honestly, I am still trying to get use to it. These video really help!. Thanks

I was worried bcs my son is now 2.5yo and didn’t attend day care ..
most of his friends go to daycare now..
but after listening to this podcast I feel like I’m lucky being able to stay at home for him ..
I live in Germany so I can take up to 3yo parental leave .. but looks like I won’t be coming back to work this summer , though he will be attending kindergarten this September..

Thank you for saying the things that society has been suppressing for decades. I'm sure it took a lot of courage. This was inspiring, humbling, and sobering to listen to. Thank you kindly for sharing your findings.

My husband and I are educated and there are student loans associated with this. Therefore it was very very difficult to explain to my husband that I wanted to stay home. I also have a mother in law that is a retired nanny and really wanted to watch our child. In the end she is very happy, intelligent, safe and loved! But I do wish I could have stayed home in the early years. My husband doesn’t understand that our marriage suffers because I have resentment and I have an awkward relationship with my MIL too because to be honest I am jealous she got to raise my only child. Unfortunately you don’t know how you will feel about these issues until you have children.

Can you please tell us how we can help a child who is stuttering

In USSR moms stayed with child first 3 years, government payed part of mom’s salary mom earned at her work before delivery and mom’s job place is saved for 3 years and mom can come back to her job position after 3 years staying home with baby. And there were very good system of kinder gardens funded by government. Kinder gardens looked like schools with play grounds. In one building they had all ages children before school. They had 4 year old group, 5 yo group and 6 yo group. Children stayed in kinder garden from morning until mom or father finishes their job and pick up their child. I think it was 9 hr day in kinder garden. Kinder gardens hired certified kinder garden teachers. Each kinder garden had their own kitchen and chief, dietitian planned all food children can have during week, calculated vitamins and calories for each meal children need for their growth and brain activity. No donuts never, no packed food with preservatives. Each meal always freshly cooked each time. They had everyday learning/ crafting classes according to age. They had nurse and pediatrician on duty, according to government standards they did all children assessment periodically. I remember nurses to come to assess children nails for hygiene.

This was powerful

I walked on a broken leg for three months.
I am tough.
Thought it was a bad sprain and not wanting to waste time on the dr.
Hurt too much at end of day.
Needed a cast .
Hated being still and not working.
Now disabled.
Should have listened to my pain .
Used to working hurt.

Bonding and imprinting are not occurring with the detached system and no mom.
No good.

Wear baby , nursing babies and co- sleep are happy babies.
Dad too skin to skin, rocking and singing will only make mom love you more dear.
And please find the pacifier!!!
Nurse the baby mom we are mamas and mammals.
Milk from mom cannot be replaced.
Only in dire situations.
Almost all women can nurse.
Nestle is evil sugar water.

Stayed home with my children and went back when they were older.
Best years of my life home with babies till seven years old and then part- time.
My children needed me and their father.
Could not have done it without Dad.
Good man, hard working, good with the children
Thank you

I loved being a nanny.
I was friends with the moms and they just needed some time and help : when they had three under five, when they needed to shop and do errands, when they worked part- time,
When they had eight children and need a vacation.

I enjoyed the families and they were gracious to me.
I am an honorary grama too my last family, my they have grown.

Went on vacations with some had a wonderful time.
Treated me like one of the family.
Very fond memories.
Thank you
Grana Rose

Women or men are not capable of multitasking, that’s a myth

I decided to be home with my kids before they were born, before I was married. And I have now been home with them for 5 years it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Everyone I meet tells me how happy my kids are. It’s possible to be home with your kids plan it even before you have them. Work and save, save, save. If you have to work do it from home. It’s possible!!! ❤

This was SO incredibly educational and it makes SO MUCH sense! A mother is not overreacting or being “insensitive” to your feelings when asks you to give her the baby back because they’re crying. And the fight or flight response being activated too soon and too much when infants/toddlers are left without their mother for hours on end? It is so true! The objective data is there and also our experience too. I met a mom once who was a workaholic and one of her kids would always be angry and hit her by the time he was 6 years old and the other one (5 yo.) was autistic. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for recording this podcast and educating us! Definitely will buying her books.

Thank you for this wonderful conversation. I'm thrilled I could be an at home homemaker and mother. 🩷 Le'letche league helped me a lot during mothering.

I can’t believe that after 50 minutes in Erica mentions feminism is a good idea. Clearly feminism has gone way too far and traditional roles are much healthier at the individual and societal level. She points to other countries that are far more traditional as much healthier with child rearing but then says she’s a feminist.

This is such an important message! I had my first child 15 years ago and have been a stay at home mom ever since and now have 4 kids. We live a very happy and fulfilling life with one income and make it work. I really wish there was more support and encouragement for mothers to stay with their babies. It is truly the greatest blessing for me to have been able to keep my babies close from the beginning.

I have a 19yr daughter w brain cancer, and I have 1 18yr son,2 14 yr girls and a 2 yr old girl. When I take my 2yr to the babysitter (a lovely lady frm church) I have seen how it’s affected her. She was already very attached and sensitive. When I started leaving her with the babysitter when I had appt for my sick daughter my toddler had such an insecurity and it was hard to get her to sit by herself 😢 it’s been hard but I try so hard to make sure she knows I’m here for her too!

Dear moms: most of this advice sounds like it’s for middle class suburban moms who can afford the luxury of some of the things mentioned here.

Please only take what can be applied because all of our living conditions are not the same

Wow, thank you Lila for this podcast guest! What an amazing podcast. Every parent or future parent should listen to this.

I count myself as blessed because I always ser my mind on staying home with my kids one I married and became a mom. I had the blessing that my husband had the exact same idea and expectations. It’s a lot of work, but best choice and no regrets at all. Now I even homeschool my kids.

I’m so glad I stumbled on this. My son is 2 and I can tell you that all she said is what God has been teaching me regarding raising him. Everyone, including my spouse have complained about so many things but I’m glad I stuck to my convictions. When I see my son with other toddlers, there is a vast difference. He is always so happy and friendly but the other sleep trained, independent toddlers are always so miserable. They always look so sad and downcast. Getting a smile out of them is seriously hard work. I’m so grateful for this podcast. It’s been a lot o work mentally and emotionally but I’m strengthened again.

Watching this video gave me so much peace!! For Erica to validate every maternal instinct I’ve ever had, gave me so much relief. I want anyone reading this, that I actively worked to get here. Instead of doing what was popular, I always self reflected and reflected for a long time putting in the work to answer the questions I was asking myself. Regardless of external pressures, I held true to my gut. I wish the courts would see her side. I wish this was the standard everyone in society strived for. The health of the child is the health of the society!!

Thank you Lila for this podcast ! I went and sat the whole day in day care and observed what happens. It is not a horrible place but the staff are overloaded and cannot ever give attention to the child. I prayed and decided that no matter what happens I will never sent my baby to daycare. Fast forward my parents are coming to stay with me for sometime to help me raise my baby while I work from home ❤Praise Jesus ❤

Didn't Jordan Peterson mentioned that if the child is not correctly socialised by 2 years it would be a very hard thing to correct? This is a serious question if anyone can answer since i actualy don't know in which of his videos i heard that to confirm the statement or at the very least the age. I'm asking this because the interviewer on this video affirmed that the child until three years of age does not need necessarily interactions with other children like playdates if o understood correctly

Yes, moms need to stay home. For society!

I think that was really interesting when she mentioned mothers help with attachment and fathers with separation. I would love to hear a part two with Erica about the father’s role in ‘separation’

beautiful California?

MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) is a wonderful organization for moms with young children.

Motherhood is the most important job you will ever love. I recommend everyone read the book titled “ see you in heaven” written by Rosie Gil. God bless!