How To Build Your Self-Esteem

My self esteem is poor. My confidence is threw the roof.

what if I was not unconditionally loved by my parents? My dad left my mom ignored I grew up alone.

the best thumbnail

I had normal self esteem and confidence until I was consistently told otherwise. Im too analytical to ignore that kind of data. Im obviously inferior, especially if others feel so obligated as to let me know and remind me of my inferiority

When i told my dad i got arrested for pot, he said "Matthew, you're not smart enough to smoke pot"

He was right, and is a real man for telling the truth. Versus "its okay accidents happen"

We consider probabilities all the time. We depend on them. Are we to ignore probabilities in this case? What do we do if the probability of our negative belief being true is much higher than the probability of a positive alternative belief being true?

The thumbnail is actually humorous

It was nice to have someone like Dr K acknowledge how significant external validation can be, it made me feel less ashamed that I had recognized and craved that. It's made me realise how powerful giving a compliment can be so I want to make an effort now to say the thinks I like about people to them

I mean, if you don't fit into the world and can't keep up to even the level your burnout friends do... yeah, I would say the outcomes of your choices and being who you are in this shitty life matters.

When you DO the digging and KNOW it's you/your ADHD/your lack of good reflexes/Looks/Strength, etc. And when you work forever on it, to change and grow while self affirming and doing what you doctors tell you, and it keeps resetting and progress is never permanent?

Yeah lol, it does make sense bro.

I feel worthless in every aspect in life, Im always comparing myself to others who are doing better than me, i'm always hating myself for the mistakes I have made, because I have ruined my life with my own stupidity, I hate myself more than anything, and sometimes I only think about killing myself

You cannot esteem yourself. Only by external feedback you get the picture. The only thing you can do is to not identify with your personality, but with atman, the true self, which is just awareness.

So what’s the difference between saying “I didn’t try hard enough or put enough effort in. So be it.” And saying “I didn’t do well, I’m an idiot.” As long as the next steps are growth?

Personally though, I find it difficult not to assign value judgments to myself based on external factors because other people are likely to do it for me. I may not think I'm stupid with 2.0 GPA, but other people certainly might. How do you not get affected by that?

wow this is so helpful im gonna kill everything

First step if you’re around toxic people who incidentally or deliberately tear you down — GET OUT OF THERE ASAP

My way to build self steem is pretty hands-on:
Make a small promise to yourself, and keep it. One little promise at a time and you will slowly gain trust in yourself.

Dr K, thanks for the amazing work you do! You are helping me a lot!
However I think this topic is suuuper important for your community and you could do better giving advice on how to improve self esteem. Maybe listening the inner critic, locus control, self empathy, social, negative self talk..

That thumbnail though

I have been a loner ever since elementary school, just kinda socially outcast from my friends. Always forced to sit on the sidelines, always excluded from social gatherings. I find it hard even now to accept invitations to hangouts with people I know. My only social interaction is school and work. I don’t know how to have a more genuine interaction with others beyond this.

I wish that person knew just how lucky they are to achieve ONE of those things. Im so poor that during covid I had to work 4 jobs just to make ends meet. Appreciate Dr.K as always but I wish I could be free of the poverty I was born into and get to actually do something with my life.

Lol I love Patrick and this is a perfect comparison to the fact of a fan theory that Patrick is actually smart but chooses to be dumb

Okay, but what to do if you're stuck on a belief that people OWE you their esteem and that the whole world should love you? And what if this belief sticks, no matter how hard life proves otherwise?

I can't take this seriously, chat is hilarious

Can anyone further simplify and explain how do we not internalize external expectations? In short how do we work on ourselves?

There is no unconditional love what are you talking about Dr. K?
An assumption made there there is someone who will care for you and accept you as you are will be detrimental when no one accepts you. It feels worse when people say they love without condition or that "true love" exist and then poeple never find it.

Logically: Why can't I just be allowed to die?

I don't value the opinions of others I want me to approve of or praise me. Also why is every video tied to dating in some way?

For some reason listening to this all just makes me feel worse about myself hahaha

It feels like learning to value ones self is developing willfully ignorance of the inherent valuelessness of the universe.

❤

Am i the only one who cannot find the book he is advicing? (Atman Pada) not even on google? Did he had a freudian slip or is it banned in my country? Do i keep typing it wrong?
If someone has found it on the internet please send me the link thanks

Great video

What's really fucked up is when you're treated poorly no matter what you do, whether you do everything or nothing or anything in-between. Then you get treated worse once you've given up.

How can I stop seeing everything in black and white?

Patrick.

Dr. K is right in a nutshell as usual but there I see a few problems.

- Using the example with the GPA... Yes, there are dumb people with high GPAs and smart people with low GPAs. However, low self-esteem usually comes from multiple sources. In that case, the GPA will be combined with other signs of that person not being intelligent. Also, even though there are exceptions, in my experience such conclusions come from averages. And there is a correlation between intelligence and a high GPA. Obviously, that's not to say low self-esteem is justified but that it makes believing the opposite that much harder.

- The whole process although fascinating leaves me with no information on how to proceed. How do you figure out which expectations have been internalized? Are there some expectations that are purely yours and would be okay for them to affect your self-esteem? If you know exactly where those internalized expectations came from, how do you deal with them? Knowing by itself does not seem to help a lot of people.

- Is there a difference between confidence and self-esteem? They're different in my eyes although I'm not sure where exactly one ends and the other begins.

Self-esteem seems to be more about the value of a person as a human being. But then again, what is that value and how do you judge that? I can personally get behind the idea of loving yourself but the 'unconditional' part is hard to swallow. Is everyone equally deserving of love? It does not seem like that... It makes more sense that a kind, generous and competent would be loved but not so much a mean and narcissistic loser. Could the latter be a valuable human being worthy of love? Sure. But again, if you put things on a scale, my point remains.

I think of confidence as more skill/domain oriented. You can be a confident software engineer because you have experience and you know how to deal even with difficult problems. I'm definitely not confident at flying planes as I have never flown one. One can be confident socially because one feels great when meeting people and are an effective communicator. Conversely, having social interaction correlated with mostly bad experiences will likely make you less confident in that domain.

- If you don't trust yourself with doing anything, you don't trust your judgment and you don't take care of yourself how can you have confidence and/or even self-esteem? I'm aware that you need self-esteem to trust yourself but it also works the opposite way. Breaking your trust in yourself is a pretty good way to feel like shit and lower your self-esteem. In addition to that, there are certain actions you can do that improve self-esteem and they're mostly external.

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Dr k voice is just so calming. I find myself always revisiting the same videos to be re-taught the same thing and lately, trying to really set aside time to address the internal insecurities and fears that I avoid
Thank you, Dr. K

If you are confident without having any achievements or skills, then you are delusional.

Whatever spark or soul or heart people have inside them to inspire love from other people I don't have. I've given up on love and happiness. Women spot me as the damaged goods I am and run away.

This is my therapy homework for the week and it's hard but your video is extremely helpful, thank you ❤️

Hmm, I generally considered myself good, but was told I was a bad child

"Once I internalize the expectations of the outside world and I start to believe it myself, my self esteem will start to decrease"

Man I didn't realize how much this applied to me. Just this realization alone is going to help me in overcoming my self confidence issues. Thank you once again Dr. K

I love your content, Dr. K! It's been so helpful for me.

My only piece of feedback for your videos would be to consider adding an outro to end the video. Sometimes I will be really vibing and listening while doing chores and the audio suddenly cuts off. It's a little abrupt. Just a friendly "let me know your thoughts, take care everyone" would go a long way.

Keep it up, Dr. K! We all believe in you.