This is Why You're Living Life on Autopilot

How would you advise someone to parent their kids in a way so that they don’t grow up in a “coercive control” environment at home? Let them decide what they want to do? What if it’s not good? I can’t just allow my kid to eat ice cream for dinner and choose not to do any house chores or homework. I feel like it’s a catch 22 in this regard

🫀Thank you

I have a lot of experience with therapy but now I noticed (while being in a clinic for mental health) that I have problems connecting with the experiences I made with therapy. It's weird that I always feel stuck and on autopilot actually needs some kind of evaluating and that that is hard for me to understand (now it's easier for me but it's a bit concerning for my future because I ask myself questions like, "how can I self regulate or get help generally when I don't feel a connection to the help?"). I'm grateful that I'm in therapy now and found this out. Maybe other people have same experiences.

Man this is so real , i can't belive ghat even me i wasn't aware the cause of the problem thank you so luc it give me ideas to develop

I have an important question. If a parent always listens to their kid, who doesn't want to learn anything and just do stupid things, then isn't it a parents job to force their kid to do something important, because it's good for their future?

HealthyGamerGG: These responses to trauma described in this video look, sound and feel like the symptoms of ADHD. Would trauma response as described here be misdiagnosed as ADHD and consequently treated incorrectly with stimulants become a greater hindrance to the individual that was misdiagnosed?

I am so happy I found this channel. It helps me so much even though I am in therapy already for 2 years I can find so many things in these videos that relate to me and help me understand better why I still feel stuck in life. Thank you!

Thankyou so much for this, it hit me so deeply to my core and I never realised just how much suppressing my emotions could lead to such detriment for my future. Like you said, it is so difficult to articulate these feelings but I just can't thankyou enough for how much I resonated with this video 💗

Any indian here?

Honestly, I've found that to stop living on autopilot, I should let my brain reset. And by that, I mean clearing out. I always used to listen to music while on a bus, go through social media, then only music, and recently nothing. I've noticed that if I let myself live with my thoughts for a while, I start to organise them and let my brain open up, becoming more apparent and in the moment, which I wanted to help me study better. Quality sleep also helps.

I like how he explains how if you stop retreating from your emotions, you'll teach your brain that , unlike those times in childhood, it's not bad to deal with your emotions anymore. You don't have to emotion/thought suppress.

This video literally describes me, I am always completely disassociated with my emotions. It's gotten to the point where I can't cry, every feeling that isn't positive or "acceptable" is just blank. I have to think long and hard on why I don't feel anything, before I understand why I'm feeling that way. I relate very much to not being able to express my emotions as a kid, my parents always wanted to make me happy, and when I expressed emotions that relate to unhappiness, I got scolded, or had my gratefulness questioned.

Ive had disassociation more and more over the last few years however as maladaptive as it is..its necessary especially as we live in a abusive and cruel world, were its work to drop dead under the corporate oligarchy, and were being alive is a death sentence now

I find myself in this mindset. I wasn't raised by abusive parents per se but I was diagnosed with ADD as a child. I was never diagnosed with autism but as a kid, I knew that I was different from all the other kids. I was socially withdrawn growing up. Pretty much everything in my life was decided by other people. I did well enough in school to land the A/B honor roll sine I had little issue with homework or projects. My biggest issue was studying for tests. In fact, throughout my life, my big struggle has been in things which aren't urgent at the moment.
I've always had an easier time following the don'ts than the dos.

I wonder if this is true for some cultures as well. Whatifalthist has dubious credibility, but he said that as a result of the Mongol conquests, most of the old world cultures retreated further into tradition (notable in Russia which was ruled by the Golden Horde). This included the Islamic civilization which was previously doing well for itself. There was innovation in medicine when the best that residents of the Byzantine Empire could hope for was to be prayed over. They also adopted the current numbering system which was actually created in India and adopted paper form China. After the conquests, the Arab world focused inwards and stagnated. The only exception, according to whatifalthist, was Europe, which actually became more open. By the time the enlightenment was in full swing, the stagnation of the Muslim world had not gone unnoticed by figures such as Voltaire. In fact, this could also have been said for China which had previous periods of innovation in which gunpowder and paper were invented, but the civilization simply saw no use in innovation. This led to the century of humiliation, which taught the Chinese people and leadership that something needed to change. The same thing eventually happened across Eastern Asia after colonialism ended. At first, many countries turned to communism, but eventually, they embraced policies which would lead to economic growth. Say what you will about the lack of human rights in China but the leadership has ambition. I'm not saying this like authoritarian governments are better at planning for the long term. The US was at this stage back during its rise with railroads and automobiles. During the Cold War, various presidents, notably JFK, had ambitions. Now, the US is divided and all attention is on the culture war.

I don't know how to thank you enough.

I was coerced in childhood by chronic asthma. In the 1960s there were not the steroids that we have today, and the medicines that existed (amphetamine--speed!, lol) were just about useless. I would average about half the year off school, with attacks lasting one day to two weeks. There was no point planning anything.

Thank you for this, Dr. K. Growing up as a child with a serious physical disability, I had (and have) an incredibly supportive family (sometimes overly supportive, in my opinion!), but there were always things I just didn't have the option to do, or experiences I couldn't avoid. I was always happy to do the things I could, and developed a stoic personality to deal with things I had to do, but I feel like it left me with a deeply engrained MO of 'doing what I can' instead of ever reflecting on what I really want to do.

superb topic and explanation. thank you

With the benefit of talking through your emotions, can you get the same benefit from journaling?

You described almost my entire childhood. I've felt so stuck for so long wondering why I couldn't get out of the autopilot and why I was affecting my relationships. Now it makes sense! Thank you so much for your videos- I've never felt so understood and heard before.

I am 31M and what was described int he video is literally me right now. I have lived life reactively since the day I was born. Many years back when shit hits me, I would still cry and whine and slowly, I learnt how to cope by surpressing these emotions. This turns me into a brain dead robot where if it hits an error, the brain completely shuts down.

I did not really took this seriously because back in school, I put in a lot of hard work and gotten good grades, I thought I was doing alright in life. Yea it was alright until I started working where I realised how pathetic and brain dead I really am. Over the years, I have came to accept the fact this is the way I am born and I just have to do my best, work hard and deal with it. It was only until recently when I pissed a really nice colleague off that I started questioning myself w.t.f is wrong with me and here I am.

This video gave me a lot of validation and hope. Its time for me to get theraphy before I sink or rather fly myself deeper into hell.

Holy cow. This literally described me to a T. I have childhood trauma and complex ptsd. lately, my anxiety and panic have been increasing - due to my job triggering long suppressed emotions. This video is a huge starting point in talking to my shrink. Thank you!

I’m not in either category, I don’t think. I have problems showing my emotions.

This made me cry, ive always found it strange that i couldn't genuinely see myself having a future(despite wanting and daydreaming about it). Even if im surrounded by good friends, a community, a hobby that could lead to passion. I always struggled to push through.

I shouldn't be surprised that it could be traced to childhood trauma. You perfectly describe a typical Southeast asian household that has low finacial security(which makes it much less safe).

Thank you for explaining this so well, i have to take a breath to process everything honestly so well done

Sounds like overly strict British schools.

This is so tragic because this coercive control is the default method of parenting. People dont even know that they're handicapping their children.

I grew up in a church, where you are singled out for the simple reason that you march to a different beat. Once I got out that's where I started to retreate to autopilot. Dr. K articulated it very well!

Wow, thanks for this

I fall into this category from time to time. Really appreciate all the work you do, Dr. K ✌🏽

What is NPC?

OMGGG this is EXACTLY what I’ve been stewing on for the longest time!!

Felt this one

This is something I’ve noticed in me for a long time, but never really knew how to explain it. The thing is, I don’t come from an abusive household, my parents were actually pretty supportive and gave me a lot of freedom. Is it just something that can just develop on its own? Would my anxiety disorder be the cause?

The brain is confusing

I feel like working long hours in jobs I hate while needing to stay employed has done this to me 😝 😢 not sure if that is possible.

Is this... happening at scale?

Daaaamn! Mind blown. This explains a lot. I'm so grateful for finding your channel.

Thanks Dr. K

Talking helps me... for a while. For a real change I need motion and stillness WITH someone, and a therapist is not close enough or far enough for such attunement. And I've met a few...

Synchronise your brains by:
• Don't retreat distract from your emotions.
• Articulate your feelings talk about them. Let them out.
• Be mindful

Wtf😮

Damn dude, you opened my eyes. Thank you for doing what you're doing.

Is it what buddha did and attain englightment by not caring anything happening around the world 🤔

So there is scientific studies documented and proven that meditation can re-synchronize these hemispheres of a human brain that was traumatized as a adolescent?

Is school something that can cause this trauma?

We don’t have control over our lives when school dictates where you need to be and who you need to interact with.

Now being an adult out of school and living each day I see how much that school messed up my brain

Also, omg, I just heard the part about the hemispheric brain lateralization!!! I am wondering how that would impact an artist/creative person to have that side of themselves be so segregated from the logical/planning/executive functioning part of the brain? Would that impact their ability to execute/produce/promote creative work, and give them initiation paralysis in that area even more than in other areas? I would really love to know more about that.

Seriously one of the best videos I've ever seen on how complex trauma impedes your life. Just wondering, how would you be able to distinguish between this and the "task paralysis" indicative of ADHD? It seems like they could look very similar on the surface, yet have very different root causes.

I swear this is the single most valuable channel on any social media platform, let alone YT

The behavior sounds a lot like me, but not the cause. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, which seems to explain the behavior, and maybe it really is a better explanation, but you're making me wonder.

Dr. K videos frequently hit me right where it hurts but in a way I'm greatful for it

I've watched 2 of your videos and it's absolutely amazing how both explain fixes, or at least an acknowledgement, of things I've asked doctors about for years and received 0 helpful advice on.