10 Steps To Being More Sociable

Thanks for the juicy nuggets

No not 90 hrs. Actually, saw your Ted talk about 2-3 yrs back. Caught up with your channel via interview. My social issue, isn't any of your previous topics. Get ready to go into hyper focus, and the challenge that faces our world the most right now..now I know it exist as I have met plenty of those who restore hope, it's just extremely rare.
Wouldn't mind being involved in the discussion/research.
How do we fix our brain and emotions when we question the very core of humanity? As it's a question, I continuously battle with personally, and often know others who do also.
I know the challenge, starts in myself personally learning to trust my instincts as I read people well. I'm social, I can have deep conversation, even can respect others opposing views. I know it's very rare when I actually feel a genuine connection. So I'm not actually looking for anything more then away to help others, and society as a whole.
Hope your having a great morning. Look forward to a great discussion.
Matthew Miller aka author pseudonym

When i was in primary school i had 6 boys in my class and 12 girls, that was because i live in a small village in my city in greece, along the 6 grades in primary school i had the class with the least boys in it one of them being my cousin...After i bonded With those 6 people so much in my life after primary School i lost them, I got into Junior high school in a half greek and half turkish school, So I became more Introverted because i was afraid of their arrogance. I didnt had my friends i was alone but finally i made some good people that cared about me! In my second year in High school one of my friends was forced to Transfer into a different school due to his family so i lost my "Best friend" At that time. I had one more good friends but he was and extrovert and a very outgoing person, His friends were just like him, So i tried to be more with them but i failed, they said we didnt had good Chemistry. Right now im in my second year in high school and i live my worst part of my life... I met some 4-5 good friends but they are best friends since primary school.. After 1 year I got into high school im still trying to be happy and i can't, All my cousins and my sister have best friends and when they experienced Life in high school it was their biggest And Greatest Part of their life...I guess i cant do anything right, i should give up. Thank you for this video, even tho it Helped some people im still trying to be less hard with my self but i dont see a difference

ok, so this was like positive nlp, thats why it was censored. telia, not paying your bills

You are good

I am highly educated and people think I'm mr know-it-all what should I do?

My key issue is carrying about what the other person has to say😂my memory on the conversation disappears.

Step 11: Smile like Vanessa ❤

Thank you Vanessa for all the tips you share! You are so friendly and optimistic!

I loved you, this is way too good, you're so insightful and a breath of fresh air, i hope you have more content like this.

I apologize for the lengthy dissertation in advance.
Just remember, you asked us to write! 😎
I've always approached every job as just wanting to do a good job, be the best that i could be.
It's always worked well for me. But then, things got even better....
I once had a job that made me "Mr Popular" very quickly. It's ironic, because i was just the "lowly" animal caretaker in an animal facility in a medical school. But, i was curious, and i had fun taking care of the critters. I also felt a sense of duty & responsibility toward them.
(Later i realized a lot of my appeal was my humility cuz i was.😊)
Before i knew it, everyone in the department, no, everyone in the whole medical school (every department) was seeking me out to get to know me!
Because i did a good job taking care of the animals, looking out for their well-being, standing up for their "rights," it made me popular! That gave me more confidence, and i used that confidence to learn everything i could about anything i was interested in.
I spent spare time learning in the medical library, asking questions in ppl's labs (what kinds of research, interesting results, etc) and simply watching various procedures. (I learn quickly by watching.)
That knowledge made me valuable. And apparently "interesting."
Elevator conversations showed that people thought i was smarter & more knowledgeable than what i thought about myself!
That certainly gave me confidence.
Anyway, after building up my confidence, i decided to finish college, so first i went on Saturdays to the local tech school. I did very well, so after 2 semesters i applied to the university where i worked.
I had the support of everyone in the medical school.
Instead of pressure, i saw it like a "tail wind."
I enjoyed all the hard work, and every day i marvelled at how much I'd learned in the past 24 hours.
To say that i was a success is an understatement. I was HUGELY SUCCESSFUL!
I was the "star student." I was on a first-name basis with faculty all over campus. When i ate in the cafeteria, faculty members would come and ask if they could join me. Of course i almost always said, "Sure!" and we ended up with me and a table of faculty members from different science departments engaged in great conversations.
When they excused themselves, they would always say something like, "Well, you probably understand (the topic) better than any of us."
(What a confidence boost!)
So, here I was, going to school with a bunch of "rich kids" that were 6 years younger than me, so i didn't feel like i fit in.
But i stayed focused on my goals, i wasn't there for my social life, lol.
Still, i had the prettiest and smartest girls literally chasing after me. They all "wanted to borrow my notes," or to "study with me "
I was very awkward when it came to girls, too. I know i blew some really awesome opportunities, lol. I missed a LOT of social opps. (Sigh.)
But, in grad school, there was a girl who everyone admired. She was pretty, extremely smart, quick-witted, you name it. And, by golly, she put her sights on me.
(And mine on her!)
As my dad liked to quip, "She chased (me) 'till i caught her."
She told me one time, early on, that she always had an idea of the qualities she wanted in a man, and that i had all of them. But, more than that, i had qualities she never dreamed of...and she admired them!
Well, I've always trusted her judgement ... so i asked her to marry me!
We've been married over 35 years now, and the years have literally flown by!
During the "COVID lockdown," where ppl were locked in their houses together and couldn't wait to be apart... Well, we enjoyed the time together!
We do spend time apart, but we always enjoy time together. That's what a happy marraige can be.

Meanwhile, i have used all the accumulated confidence boosters to be the best human i can be. I care about others, i do my best to be helpful to others, and to help others be more confident.
That's my goal in life now, to help other people (like all the "neuro-divergent" people) realize they have value being themselves.
Everyone is different, and we all have value.
And one of the first "lessons" i teach is that words have power, so think careful before you speak!
Realize the impact of even a single word, and always use positive, encouraging words that inspire and boost others.
People remember that their interactions with you made them feel good (or bad).
Take care!
❤

Hi, 'Nessa!
I see one of 2 barbers every week. These girls are excellent at conversation, like you say. (Sometimes one is busy or not there, so i see the other.)
Sometimes i start out with a negative (bad weather, traffic) because the conversation can only get better, right?!
It's also a good recovery test. You're right, i almost always get a negative response, because they're stressed out too.
So, I'll quickly change it up. I almost always have a great chat with them.
But i always practice my banter with them.
Great video!
EDIT:
Regarding when to show up: I've discovered that, for certain events, it pays y to show up early, then offer to help "set up." This is usually last minute easy stuff. In addition to getting an early start "grouping" and "chatting," it puts you in s different category from the other "guests."
Here's an example: a networking get-together with the local Chamber of Commerce, or a church group.
Other guests will see you differently when you're active like "one of the organizers," and it just works for you on so many ways!
I discovered this by accident, and i use this strategy often!

Thanks for the video and the advice but i need help with something i tried to be social but in the same time i'm really scared of open up and make a conversation even with relationship i find it really hard to lead the conversation even though i'm interested in them i let them ask the question and i just answer it what should i do ???

BTW, the 90 hours to level up your friend doesn't apply to CIA covert human intelligence officers 😂

I am actually surprised that the peak friend age is as high as 29. From my own personal experience, that age was around 21 for me. I had a steep decline in my number of friendships starting in my mid-twenties. My goal is to become more social and make 1 to 3 new friends this year.

Tips here are all like "talk to x" , "talk yo y" . That is the problem!!! Say what? How to keep it going? The banter kills me ⚰️, it's so easy to talk to people about their job, family, hobbies etc.... it's the random banter that's just impossible 😖 . I was out on a dinner the other day and people literally talked for hours about.... nothing! no content, no subject, not talk about this or that, just random banter and comments here and there, FOR 2 HOURS!!! . My mind is totally blank there I have no output/input 😂 Nothing to say me too to or add to or ask about , nothing, nada!

Funny thing....I thought sharing anything in common was good. How interesting that a less than positive share might not be! Living in Florida I will now be inclined to say, "Thank goodness for air-conditioning!" rather than my usual, "Holy cow, it's hot today." Thanks so much for your inspiring and entertaining talks, Vanessa. They are more helpful than you can ever possibly imagine.

you are golden.really good advice.

I used to be charismatic but 99% of the people I talk to I end up never seeing again and it's just made me depressed that I'm never going to know people for a long time if I do meet them
I'm constantly chasing the highs of bonding and conversation while also being hopeless that it's going to last, I keep telling my boyfriend I'm insecure about him leaving me because everyone leaves me no matter what I find, I just want to change it.
I have a very avoidant personality and I'm oftentimes trying to get away from other people or even aspects of myself because it's too uncomfortable to just sit with someone for too long.

Nobody feels low pressure for me to talk to honestly, I guess all I can do is try in the long run.

Looking, on a different view or thought from someone of a different walk. Glad, I came across this video (blog).

Thank you! You're sooo positive that you inspired me to try. 😊

There's so much to keep track of...I think I'll crawl back under my rock.

you present these points so well, thank you!

instense!!!! can't wait to watch the next episodes...

I am 56 and only have one friend left. I am an introvert but my problem comes from an extreme anxiety disorder. As for the Why i want more friends, i don't know. Do i really want or need friends(Rhetorical)?

Honesty, I am watching this video so I can be sociable when I am around people. I prefer my own company. Actually, I have beautiful memories that I have spent alone. The other company I enjoy is that of my partner.

Great video. Easy to listen to bestie 😅

Thank you

Very cool video thanks for sharing ❤

I'm struggling to find all of this appealing. I don't want to pretend to be happy, because I'm not particularly happy. I don't want to engage in small talk, not even a little bit. I don't want to get a high from people being fake to me or them from me being fake to them. Yep this settles it, I'm happier being reclusive. This all makes me want to never go in public ever again. 🤣

I struggle with vulnerability, in general. My boyfriend def has that gene you referenced lol he is literally the most charasmatic person I have ever met and everyone, I mean everyone adores him. He in honestly vulnerable, funny, charming but he has this way. I find when I am a little vulnerable people don’t respond? Trust me it’s not anything huge it’ll be like oh he’s been a bit of a rough week but I always brush it off and end on something positive but people don’t respond. My boyfriend says way more vulnerable things and people respond so well.

Start Fresh
Set Goal
Be Outgoing
Positive Openers
Similarity Attracts

Amazing

Me: hey how are you?
Them: good.

Hairdresser save space? Don't think so haha I feel like I geth panic attacks of that , you can't escape the chair. You're stuck for 20 minutes 😅

on the bright side, if you have no friends to begin with at 29, there's none to lose :D

no cuz it’s crazy how were literally best friends now i love u so much

this is a god send one of the only videos that actually gives really good advice thank you

after 29, we're more selective and less patience for drama's. and the most friends we had is married and with kids.

I am an introvert and am at a new work place environment for a month. l spend most of my time sitting at my desk l see my colleagues laughing and wonder if l could join them.

I think i can make a friend just in minutes, just because i meet the right person, if we have very similar back ground, value, interest, believes, virtue, experiences, charactors, we canbe friend easily.

drd4 produces Dopamine Receptor D4.

That part was factually incorrect

Love you Vanessa