How To Help Someone With A Drug Or Alcohol Addiction Using the CRAFT method

My daughter wanted me to call police to have her removed from house if using. When I did that police said they cannot. Children’s aid is involved and I have her children under kinship. So I informed CAs and they removed her from the home. Now she mad that I “told on her”. I explained I’m only trying to protect her two children from her use and sketchy people coming here.

My wife always manipulates me into giving her money or using my car. I can say no a thousand times, but she won't stop badgering me till she gets her way. How can I avoid being the "punisher" when she acts like me saying no to giving her money or letting her use my (our only) car as me "punishing" her? I already bought her 2 cars, she wrecked them both and got two speeding tickets... at one point I was paying more for liability insurance than I was paying for full coverage before! It seems like it's my fault no matter what I do. If I give her money I'm an enabler, if I don't I'm "Throwing her to the dogs!"

thanks, I want to thank you... in only few days of following your advice... my wife opened, and we are working together to help her out!!! the only thing I did was to bite my tongue and creating positive experiences for her. I only point the good things she does, and praise her for that... she used to drink almost everyday, now she working on it.... I had to put my judge clothes aside and act as her attorney!!!! words can not express ow much I thank you!!!

Drop them like a hot potato. Focus on yourself.

My loved one that used an approach similar to CRAFT (it wasn’t around when I got clean) helped me get the motivation to improve MY life through recovery. The fact that his life would be improved was a happy by product for him. His approach paired with the fact that he didn’t ask me to “do it for him” was what motivated me.
My recovery catapulted when I cut off my family of origin. Through recovery I was finally able to stand up for myself and say out loud that their personalities were the main catalyst for my addiction. I cut them off and leaned into my chosen family. That was 22 years ago, and my life is beautiful. My daughter’s “grandmother,” the only one she has ever known, loves us in a healthy way. Unlike my family of origin.

Thank you again, You’re beautiful person ,giving me options to understand better how to have communication with my daughter who doesn’t want to talk about it.
How can I approach the situation? She gets upset , very easy.🕊🙏🏼

You are accurate Thank you you are helping me

Do you have a video on dealing with the emotions that come up for the person dealing with an addcit, to work through these emotions that can make empathy possible?

What doesn't work: punishment, yelling, nagging, begging, preaching, threatening, bargaining, attempting to control, creating home contract, ultimatums, arguing. Addiction will break any rule, won't stop addiction.

Formula that does work:
1. real world consequences. What happens naturally to the person because of their behavior/messes (not what you're going to do to them aka punishment).
2. You have healthy boundaries for yourself
3. empathy

Motivational interviewing: find the seeds of what's important to the addict, their positive intention and motivations that they may be out of touch with. It's like assuming they have positive assumptions and acknowledging them.

Positvely reinforce people for making good choices, don't argue with people.

WATCH THE VIDEO too! Super valuable.

❤

Is paying their rent considered enabling or poor boundaries?

My Creator
I am thankful with all my heart, soul, mind and intent for divine abundance
manifesting thru my personal fortune and success
I am manifesting, receiving, excepting and allowing my divine abundance
To completely permeate all parts of my beingness on all levels, dimensions and through out all Of my aspects in all directions of eternity and infinity
I am grateful to you, my beautiful creator for this blessed prosperity,
I am moving beyond fear and fulfilling my divine blueprint prepared for me
My creator on earth and beyond.
I am open and receiving my financial wealth, success, bounty, abundance,
blessing, gifts and grace, unconditional love, joy,
I am fulfilling my service commitments
I am excepting my divine heritage right now and I am thanking you my creator.
For my timely answer to this prayer
I am so very grateful for the divine bounty.
My creator, your will is done thru me.
And so, it is Amen. Amen, Amen
Oh, my beloved subconscious mind
I am hereby loving decreeing, commanding and acknowledging
That this prayer is heard directly by my creator
And is sent along with all the mana, and vital force asking Manifesting and demonstrating
My intent in this prayer Amen,
And so, it is my creator, the rain of blessing is falling on me and
I am soaking up the abundance that is multiplying 1000x fold throughout all my levels,
dimensions, and within all aspects of this beingness throughout all directions of eternality and infinity
This prosperity manifestation is bursting forth with divine bounty, blessing, gifts grace, wisdom. Truth love, and light
I am thankful and I am sending you my gratitude
And so, its breath in this prayer to the Creator thru your crown chakras
(Along with the prayer demonstrate with the arm in the draw
By Lifting your arms in a cup shape above your head, )
Visualise the abondance of blessing and grace showering down upon you
All around you and penetrating all parts of your beingness
On all levels and dimensions and aspect that you are
Wait 10 to 15 seconds continuing repeating prayer 3 times, Continue process for full 30 days
Say with deepest intension and feeling the abundance was already true for you within the earthy plain.
You see the riches already with you within your crystal palace. You simply need to reinforce the flow patterns so the wealth will flow directly towards you unimpeded by your conscious mind.

May the
Sacred Lotus of Divine Light
Smile upon you with
Divine Unconditional Love
Peace, Joy, Harmony, and Happiness
and Gratitude for gifts from Above
Friendliness, Compassion, Good Health,
Strength of the Elephant
Abundance, Freedom, Peace, Love, and Joy
Relaxation, Rejuvenation, Ecstasy, longevity
And Fun
I am Unconditional Love
I am Divine Joy
All my needs and desires are fulfilled even before I realize what they are
Which will always be for my greatest good and most beneficial good of all

The structure is an entity made of different parts working together. Synergy at its best
Flow in alignment with the structure
Success is not personal
Notice all patterns that pop up and get in the way
You are aware of
May the blessing of the creator shower upon my crown chakra.
Dissolve false elusion.
I am worthy of the creator love and light.
May the love and light of the creator shower upon your crown chakra.
I am completely and Absolutely worthy of the love and light of the creator.
I know the love and light of the creator is my natural form.
New energy
Deep breath into this feeling
Being, mind, emotions, and arura
Let yourself be aware of the feelings

Balanced way – Worthy of the Creator Love and light

I am completely and Absolutely worthy of the love and light of the creator.
I know the love and light of the creator is my natural form.
Being, mind, emotions, and arura
You don’t need to fix anxiety you just need to be confident?
I'm truly satisfied with everything I have now and desire to have more.
Only remove what is in way when you are creating
What is resistance?
What to make more money.
Old beliefs that use that use to serve us.
7 generations of family DNA
Be it before you see it

Sounds like Alanon

What about those long term addicts that develop neurological disorders as a barrier to any of this and you are caregiving for them, but the medical care team offers them substance use counseling or therapy and they decline? Additionally, he lives in a dry home(mine) and it’s been 4 years sort of forced sobriety? Will this be considered late stage addiction and early stage dementia which means no recovery ever?

This was a complete waste of time. You have no idea what you’re talking about.👎

That's a great quote!

We have a son who has been an addict for 20 years. I’ve never felt comfortable with the tough love method of dealing with it. My husband was good at the tough part and I was good at the love. We have argued over ways we deal with our addict for years. I’m so happy to hear ways that make sense to me. We’ve done the contract, we’ve kicked him out many times. None of it has worked! My husband finally started to soften his heart and hold his tongue and we’re seeing progress. I’m not saying I’ve done things perfectly but we’re finally getting on the same page. It’s a good start, thank you for these videos.

no home contracts does not work.

If my husband wants help but he is not local who can i get him in touch with for recovery? Where does he start? Also, do you think it would be better to spend time apart to care for young children while he recovers or can that make it worse to remove the children and wife from his recovery stage temporarily if he is willing to get help?

Testify contract does not work at all .

In the same way that you do the behavior, don’t do the behavior. The key is that you want to stop doing the behavior. Mind over matter.

Does tapering really work with drinking? Is it possible for someone to get better at home?

i love this. Thank you

The reason I quit was not that i didnt like the alcohol. I didnt want to be a lazy fat pig anymore. Do I miss to get drunk? Hell yeah! Do I miss the fat belly? Hell no!!! The gym was my higher power not God.

you cant make someone that does not realize alcohol is problem, that you have to realize yourself

Priceless information, wow !

Well I have an adult son I’ve tried putting it into action and think it might be working. He set up rehab on his own, got the insurance set up and then we took him. I am the one mainly applying, my husband is a growl back type. Anyway I had also been trying it with a sibling that is very toxic but eventually had to walk away after they threatened my other sibling & me physically. So I count my son as an ongoing work that shows good results. Thank you for all the info.

As well as MI I have found Marshall Rosenburg's non violent communication really helpful

my husband talks constantly on it and he's always chasing mosquitoes some of the stuff he does is pretty hilarious but when he sits there and talks fox fox fox stalks because he's bipolarI just get fed up and ice cream but thank you for the video I'm not going to scream I'm going to be the better grown up and not do any type of drugs

this video really helps me because I'm always screaming at my husband when he doesn't I'm going to be the better person and learn to walk away and not scream anymore Adam if he wants to take away to the joint he's just running his brain cells I told him but I'm not going to scream no more I'm going to be a better Christian and a better role model to him and encourage him that marijuana is bad

even though my husband wants to smoke hot I never smoked my life never did any heavy type of drugs and I'm handicap and my brothers to preacher down in key West and my family accepted him in the family he takes good care of his disabled wife and he's disabled even though it makes me angry when he does a pot in my life drug free

My husband is addicted to marijuana and we are both handicaphe's always talkin and talkin talkin on it and I'm always telling him to shut up be quiet we're both disable we just recently got married I just let the Lord Jesus ChristI just left the Lord Jesus Christ heal my pain I have plenty of patience with him because he's bipolar on the smart one who takes the medication and he doesn't want to take medz my husband doesn't want to go into rehab but even though he's an addict I love my husband and I'll do anything to protect him but I'm just going to leave my life drug free

My 44 yr old daughter started punching me so I ended up calling the police.
She was arrested. Now she hates me with a passion. She moved in with someone who supplies her with alcohol and totally supports her because she cannot hold down a job.
She wants nothing to do with me. She drinks over a fifth of vodka a day and her health is going quickly down hill. I love her with all my heart I am very worried about her. Is there anything I can do to help her?

what can you do when the acholic is very mean when they're drinking it's hard to have empathy when they yell tell you the meanest things they can think of and this happens every nights

Why is it all about them??? It's like Ive been enslaved by ny addict husband! It's about him how to help him and I totally under stress all the time! I just wanna A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP..I want someone to take care of my feelings and emitions

How should you react? I have had times my partner had passed out caring for our baby, left oven on in the night, gotten drunk when our daughter was very unwell and in hospital. I know how I react don’t help but I can’t ignore. I also now don’t leave daughter with him and sure he sees as a punishment but for her safety I must

What to do when spouse say all time i cannot do this anymore drugs are bad for me i want to change i want to go to the clinic and when come the moment to do that he is making all time excuses i have forget that and i have to do that and he come all time later.

The ONLY way is NOT TO DEAL with an addict.
Save yourself and stay away.

My son doesn't think he has a problem

Im a parent of an adult child with drug and alcohole problems

I am a therapist and have just completed the CRAFT Training. Such a great alternative to 'tough love' and intervention. 😊Looking forward to helping my clients with the method.

(still being edited) One of Amber's best videos (on an already great channel). A must re-watch multiple times to learn all the concepts discussed here. CRAFT: Community Reinforcement And Family Training program
- designed to help the people with addicts in their lives. Helps people learn which techniques work and which ones don't work.

What doesn't work: punishment. It only creates an angrier, even more defensive and resistant, disempowered, victimized, self pitying addict. And an angrier and more justified feeling and punitive non addict.

Punishment is different than consequences. Punishment is arbitrary and voluntarily punitive and kind of unnecessary and pointless and maybe even serves the temporary self gratification of the non addict. Whereas consequences are real world, non arbitrary, unavoidable, natural law of cause and effect type things.

More things that don't work: yelling, threatening, begging, preaching, lecturing, bargaining, bribing, controlling / trying to control.

These are emotional, knee jerk reactions - not logical, effective strategies. Punishments are the product of the non addict's emotional reactivity.

Also, don't use "home contracts". These don't work because addiction will break any rule you put in front of it. The only one who will feel like they have to follow the contract is the non-addict. People and even rehab centers think they're helpful for clarifying boundaries and expectations but they still don't matter. It will only matter in that the contract terms will not matter to the addict but the addict will hold the non addicts (family etc) to the contract. So it just backfires and is not effective as a rule of thumb.

What works instead. It's a formula:
1) Real world consequences. Don't mess up the lesson and effectiveness of consequences with punishment.
2) Hold healthy boundaries for yourself. You don't fix the consequences.
3) Empathy. But you ARE empathetic about them.

When THAT is what's done by the non addicts, the addict genuinely gains genuine empathy and respect for the non addicts because of the genuine love and support the non addict has been consistently showing and demonstrating to the addict.

And there's also none of the nonsense of the things that don't work and that only make everyone even angrier and more frustrated with each other.

Arguing and fighting and trying to control an addict is like dealing with someone possessed. Because in a way, they are.

CRAFT helps people be their best selves under the circumstances of having an addict in their life.

The CRAFT program (I think?) also helps train non addicts with motivational interviewing skills too. Which bring out of the addict the things that motivate the addict - the things that are important to the addict that serve as the reasons, vision, and motivation for them to want to change.

When the addict feels you understand them / gets them and that you genuinely care about them, they'll care about you. And that will gain their trust.

You need to put the time and energy into "building the credit at the bank" (emotional/ relationship bank account) with them first. Where you take the time to learn the puzzle pieces of their situation, story, experience, reality, etc. Otherwise they just build the walls, argument and defense of how they don't have to listen to you "you don't know me!" And they're right. So why should they listen to you? You've gotta build up their conviction that you understand and respect them first in order for them to trust and respect you. They need to feel you know them well enough to know not only the what and why of their struggles BUT ALSO OF WHAT'S TO LIKE ABOUT THEM TOO. Because people will not warm up or like someone else if they don't feel known and liked by them first. You can't influence someone if they don't feel understood, respected and liked by you.

It's very much the "seek first to understand" step of Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. (My words here).

Positively reinforce people for making good choices.

See the good thing and the motivation that's in the person already.

This is so important. I agree 120 percent.

The home contract feels controllimg as opposed to a bpumdary to me
It's an ultimo which will piss people off.

This is so true. Thanks Amber for these videos. I’ve changed the way I interact with my husband (active alcoholic) and my home is more peaceful and I’m less angry. ( I still get upset but I’m human) I detach now when we drinks and he actually will come into the room I’m in and tell me he loves me. He never did that before.

From what I heard from counselors are that most drug treatment facilities in rehabs are revolving door because they get paid by the federal government so they never really cure 100% of the people maybe they have a 50% rate

I feel like I have just become ambivalent well using the interventions and it seems to have taken the pressure off of him so he seems to think I care

My dad & I's relationship is already mending. Thank you so much for your videos. I love CRAFT! So much better than Alanon, in my opinion !