The dangers of manufactured childhood magic

People really need to learn how to say no and be okay with disappointing their kids

Halfway through and your video is already so encouraging to me-thank you! It's too easy to feel like a failure as a parent in this digital and indulgent age.

This is a great video and a very interesting topic. The way I see it, parents should be teaching their kids to value quality time and the simple things, and that money does not buy happiness.

I cant wait to have kids and i hope i can do it right i want memories and to do fun things but i understand it needs to be REAL

The thing is, mom influencers get paid to do extravagant things for their children, that's their content. The instagram women aren't representative of normal people.

As an eighth grader, no one really does Valentine's day cards anymore, but I still make them for my close friends. There's no toy, no candy, just a personalized card made by me and my friends love it! It's not the physical thing that matters, it's the love and effort that goes into it! And a card from your friend means a lot more than a candy from their mom

The over-compromising reminds me a little too much of the Other Parents in Coraline

As a teacher who knows a lot of kids and a lot of parents, this is only 'prevalent' or a 'standard' on social media. If you step away and realize that tiktok and instagram are not real life and do not represent a majority of anyone anywhere, you'll see that there is no pressure for this. No one is doing it.

i just think there is too much stuff in the world

The most important part is attention and that you try to give your best as a parent

I grew up in the US in the 1970s. I was one of 6 children. Birthday parties for friends were a rare thing. My mom did make sure to celebrate each of our birthdays with a home cooked meal of our choice and cake decorated by her…she had taken cake decorating classes.

As an older mom, I was surprised when my child started getting invited to friends’ birthday parties in the early 2000s. So we decided to host our own for our child. I enjoyed the creativity of trying to fulfill chosen themes (cats but NOT Hello Kitty was tough) and made cakes that fulfilled the theme but weren’t really worthy of Pinterest.

Since we have a single child we also splurged for a visit to the pool at the Y and the science center. Having a winter birthday limits the locations available, and it was nice to not have to prep and then clean the house.

My child participated in the planning every time…as did my husband.

I think parents have always wanted to provide the best for their children. There is certainly more pressure from social media rather than just trying to measure up to others in your neighborhood.

But I don’t think kids are more spoiled.

The biggest purchase for my bday party’s as a kid was the beer for the adults. We got a cake and hot dogs.

I personally think that your child getting a bit disappointed is a growing pain that will serve them very well in life. Learning that you didn’t do party packs or your vacation is not a good as the next person or the Christmas presents as many… but you were still loved and accepted by those who truly appreciate you for you you are, that’s the lesson.
If you always persue being like everyone else you will never be accepted for just who you are.

I had a birthday party at a Burger King play place when I was like 4 or 5. It was biggest my mom ever went for one of my birthdays and it was a blast! But all my other childhood birthdays were just my friends came over and we played games and ate cake, like paper hats and plates with pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey kind of parties. I don't even really my mom decorating. But those were just as fun because I still had my friends over, having fun. That was always the best part.

the best birthday parties ive attended were those in which we played in the garden until nightfall or got set loose in a playspace

I have kids ages 5,4 and 1 and have never thrown them a bday party. We just take them to a trampoline park or water park as a family and they have a blast. No need for all the glitz and glamour they remember those family moments so much more.

I could see doing a big bash for 'Milestone' birthdays or events but not every birthday or event that happens

Thos is true but rich people have been like this since forever.

When I was a kid of the 90s in the UK. Party favours would include: A plastic whistle, handful of sweets, cheap plastic toys and a slice of cake. As a kid I was happy with that lol

We celebrated our daughter's first birthday, took her to a 60s themed restaurant (because she loves listening to 60s music with granny) she got a plate of chicken nuggets and a candle in her ice cream. Great night for the family and little one kept bopping to the music.

When I was a kid I got two options for my birthday celebration: go do a fun activity with one or two friends or do a stay at home birthday with 3 or 4 friends. It's not normal for parents to spend hundreds of dollars for parties, what happened to inexpensive DIY?

These parents are living vicariously through their kids and for social media platforms the kids are props for the parents. Don’t confuse reality with influencers. The brain Rot destroys everything.

Moms who send in plain valentine cards UNITE 🎉❤

I think these parents are only a fraction of the population who can afford doing birthday parties like these. I don't see what's wrong with making one's birthday an actual party.. It doesn't mean that a "regular" birthday party is any worse than the ones shown in this video... if you can afford it and if your kid likes it, why not?

I love watching parental advice as a late teen even though I probably never want a child 😃

Um snuggling and cuddling release oxytocin not dopamine?!

I love your hair

I didn't have the best childhood (i had two younger very ill sisters who demanded a lot of attention and resulted in anger about them being turned to my brother and i instead of them since they were 'fragile') but all of my best and most favorite memories of my childhood come from me playing outside, with my siblings, and with random kids in our neighborhood.

Getting dirty playing in the yard, climbing trees, picking mulberries and daring each other to eat a more sour, unripened one. Sitting in my room with a book or watching movies as a family every once in a while. I have a pretty decent sized family, and i still learned independence and how to be bored by virtue of living in a small town in a working class family with parents who were raised the same way.

We were encouraged to go play with other kids and be outside and explore our own hobbies and interests while our parents interacted with the parents of the kids we played with and watched from afar for danger.

Its worked for as long as people have existed like we do. It will work for as long as we let it. Let your kids be independent and learn about their environment and themselves. Let them be bored and use their imagination to entertain themselves. Let them think that they are mermaids when they go swimming and horses jumping over hurdles. Let kids be kids and do kids' things. And don't feel bad that you are.

😂😂😂
My 10 yr old tells me he’s bored whenever I make him put down his Switch.

I dragged his butt outside and made him start working in the garden instead of manufacturing something for him to do and he was ecstatic. In fact I had to reign him in because he wanted to do so much he would have killed our apple trees had I let him keep cutting branches.

Since the weather got nice he comes home from school, gets homework done ASAP, changes clothes and comes outside to work in the garden. We go inside for dinner and he has about 10 minutes with his games now.


LET THEM GO OUTSIDE FFS!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I wont try to over spend on a birthday party my kid wont even remember.
I would rather prepare something simple and be able to afford other thing much more important for her

Im 36 years old. I have a 1 year old and and almost 3 year old. We just had our 1 year olds birthday party, this sounds terrible but my whole motto was "I'm not stressing about this!". My first one i had an over the top party. Had an over the top baby shower, and it was so emotionally draining. Especially when half the people you invited with kids didn't show up because their kids were sick! So my 1 year olds party was mostly family, a few friends, a really good cake and pie from a local bakery, chicken salad from a local deli, and then the rest was potluck from me or my mom. It was great! My pior husband and mother in law were supposed to go get balloons filled and it didn't happen, and i said who cares! 😂😂😂 we had a great time getting together with good food and good people ❤

I remember my parents once hosted a bee-themed birthday party for me when I turned seven. When I saw the party favours, beehive-shaped fondant cake, and pinata, I recall feeling "gross." I was happy and of course grateful to my family, because my previous and future childhood birthday parties were generally much more simple and cosy - but there was this odd atmosphere I couldn't understand. Now, I think I was feeling a bit guilty and sort of greedy, even although I hadn't asked for any of it. Most of the kids invited were acquaintances because I only had one or two "real" friends (who I'm still friends with to this day!), which made me feel like I had an unwilling audience to watch me eat cake. It wasn't nearly as lavish as the parties shown in this video, but as soon as I got "more" than I was used to, some of the magic actually dispersed and was replaced by anxiety; is everyone having a fun time? How much time and money did my parents spend organizing this for me? Am I showing my gratitude enough to make it worth their while? Do the other kids feel... sad? Compared to another birthday I remember, when my sister (who was in high school at the time) brought home a giftbox-shaped cake from her Consumer Studies class and planned for me to use it as my birthday cake, this felt much more organic and less like I was "taking" something from anyone. It didn't feel transactional. I wonder if some of the children now are feeling the same thing.

When I was younger we just had parties in my room

Have we forgotten music? Kids are drawn to it, and it doesn't have to be music specifically for kids. Some of my favorite memories of childhood involve listening to music, singing along, and dancing around the living room, sometimes just with siblings and friends and sometimes with parents too. Motown, show tunes, and some of the bouncier kinds of jazz are good. It wasn't music CLASS, but when we did get formal music classes we already knew how to keep a beat and match pitches. And it was a lot of fun. I get the sense kid culture has become more visual and less auditory in recent years, and that makes me sad.

I mostly remember the bad things from my childhood anyway, the big extreme party would probably overwhwelm me and I'd block the memory

I kind of see what seems like an echo of this on holidays at my high school. It's only a handful of people, but I'll see certain girls give each other like, gift baskets for minor holidays??? Like I've seen people get gift bags full of snacks/plushies/whatever the trendy object is at the time for like. Halloween. Or Valentine's Day (from their friend, not as a romantic gift) or for like Easter or something. And every time I'm like first of all how do you guys have the money for this?? And second of all it's literally Halloween you don't need to be giving each other gifts or GIFT BASKETS. This video just kind of reminded me of that

Are normies really this damaged? I can't imagine giving a shit about Pinterest or Instagram when planning a birthday party. Are people really draining their savings on $700 parties just to get Reddit upvotes?

my birthday this year consisted of crying in my bedroom and being judged and made fun of by my family for eating</3 I think it would be great if you made a video about the lack of empathy in some parental figures !! Its really common w/ me and my friends due to most of us having homophobic parents:/

I wish I had a yarn the send my kids into ool

I have thought a lot about this and the book The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt backed up these thoughts with data and practices that have good results when used. I have recommended all my friends to read it!

Nora was buying McDonald for her kids so that's that

When my daughter found out there's no Santa I told her it's a secret for the littles lml she was laughting out loud and she a grown up now she was 8 lml I allow her to be bored🙃🤣 but she very creative she has doll shows for granny and her friends buy baby clothes for their dolls and she my only kid. Recording of her plays .sometimes it's nothing to do so create it laughting out loud I'm 43

I remember driving to my aunts house every morning with my mom and listening to the 2000's pop music and imagining a music video or who was singing it. I remember pretending a man was running beside the car or running tree to tree. I remember going to school and finding things to do with my friends, and eating snacks, and playing with animals and watching them, and riding my bike. I remember my dad singing to me and telling me stories of when he was younger before bed and rubbing my back. I also remember being taken on vacations and drinking virgin piña coladas by poolside, and going to disney and universal, and trampoline parks and Boomers. But honestly the memories are more nostalgic when you remember the thoughts you were having; and you remember your thoughts more when you're focused on them, in unstructured times.

when i had birthday parties we would eat pancakes (my mom had a thing you could make pancakes with in fun shapes) and we would make cupcakes and play outside and it was fun (but we did have those tiny gift bags at the end with candy and a toy and stuff)

Perhaps teach your children and spend time with them. With all of the time you no longer need to spend toiling for meaningless trinkets. Kids want to learn, learn how the world works how you work. Giving them “child activities” is a way to placate them when they’re in their most curious years.

My childhood was constant self play. Only my dad sometimes played with me. Not my mom or sister unless our parents made her play with me.
My parents never entertained me and I think there should be a happy medium between them