Cognitive Dissonance: The Conflict Within

Thank You So Very Much For Sharing
This I Have Been In A Long Term Relationship With An Overt Malignant Narcissist
He Horrifically Abused Me Emotionally And Verbally.
I’m Experiencing Cognitive Dissonance As A Result Of Being Constantly Abused.
I’m Also Trauma Bonded I’m Struggling To Simply Disconnect.Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal

Thank you for the information sir.

Cognitive dissonance = me 😢 getting better slowly ❤

It’s from no resolution from anything w toxic person

Thank you Darren. This is the first video I've seen focused on cognitive dissonance, and it has given me a better understanding of the trauma bond.

Thankyou for this video,Darren! It was very helpful!

I think hearing about these things and knowing they have been recognized by others and no your not just imagining all of this is very helpful.

LoL ..... the bias .... rationalising, internalizing ...
.............. and the self blame. .... Lo.
its all such hard work and it feels like i move at a snail's pace,
but the alternative is to stay in this .... rut, forever.

A very important topic for people trying to better themselves especially in the information age where your beliefs are challenged constantly and yet you must be able to keep yourself together(sane).

Thank you for a bery informative and supportive video Darren.

Yes, would really appreciate advice on how to address it. When two things don't match up in a person, not knowing how to handle it can cause big quandaries for your mind.
Which behaviour is the true state of affairs, and is it even safe to ask about what's going on?
Cognitive dissonance has been my default setting a few different times in life, and I want to stop 'going along' with these charades. It's difficult when you don't have enough evidence of a pattern to know, just something isn't adding up, and by the time it's clear, actual harm may have occurred (including to other people, or to animals).
I'm afraid to say anything early on in case I'm mistaken, or there's a scene where I'm accused of being an accuser, if that makes sense. Where do you start with stopping passive cognitive dissonance? Would be so beneficial to have some tools for that. Thank you 😊xx

Is this like not knowing that your ideal self is not your real self?

Wow. I would Love more information and videos about this. Thank you! ❤

My ex-partner is a psychotherapist, she would constantly nitpick, accuse and brow beat, when on a night out she would constantly seek male attention and flirt, sometimes introduce me to the men she actually knew but then be sarcastic with it, sarcasm was her only form of (humour) but would not have me even speak to her best friend without getting jealous and butting into the innocent conversation we were having. I spent many hours in the evening fixing things around her house and assembling new furniture she bought, no gratitude, not a thank you. Spent time with her kids running them places in the car, playing football for afternoons, none of it appreciated, in fact it felt like she was harbouring jealousy of my good deeds as she could be quite hostile soon afterwards over the slightest thing. I remember taking her son paint-balling for the day once, it was an end of season event organised by his junior football club coach. This involved several games throughout the day, reloading the paintball guns cost £6, I ran out of money and sent a text to ask her to transfer some money to my account so her son could carry on playing, I was greeted with angry emojis, I tried to ring to explain but she ditched the calls but eventually begrudgingly transferred the funds. Once the day was over I screenshot my online bank so she could see what had been spent and transferred the rest back to her account. When we returned home, no thank you again not that I was looking for one. Later her son had a very mild epileptic fit (which he suffers from time to time) basically had bit his tongue while sleeping. This was brought up in front of me as if it was my fault for taking him paint-balling even though she had asked me to beforehand. Blaming paintballs shot to his head had brought the epilepsy on. Although she would often let her son go boxing training and spar with his friend in the garden without headgear.

I asked her several times to go to relationship counselling with me to get an outside view of what was going wrong but she refused. I ended the relationship and then was subjected to abusive text messages calling me a narcissist and that the relationship was toxic, even going so low to try and play the victim and accusing me of non-consensual sex (implying rape). I retorted that falsely accusing someone of that is a serious offence and blocked her on my phone as that was the final straw. She then started messaging my sister and daughter asking them to ask me to call her to sort things out. That was nearly two weeks ago, I empathise towards her from a distance now because she had suffered sexual abuse from her mums boyfriend from the age of 4. Also been in a few violent relationships (one just before i met her).Wether any of this has influenced her behaviour I do not know but I certainly wont be going back.

Hi Darren - I finally listened to this whole video, and I see how pervasive the cognitive dissonance is in a situation I am in. Not with the person I think is a narcissist, but with me and another person involved. In this case, a religious "institution" is perhaps the real narcissist. I don't feel comfortable being more specific at this time. How do I know if it's my cognitive dissonance or the other person's that is getting in the way? And is there a good way to talk with another person to "break through" their cognitive dissonance? Or for (me or) any person to break through their own?

Another idea that just occurred to me - how to become a better listener?

By the way, I love your style of presenting and hope you never get too "polished". In your live streams especially, it feels like we are all in a room having a chat which is so lovely. And yet the live streams (and other videos) are very informative at the same time. Thanks for another very helpful video!

It was very helpful this video and very interesting to learn about, thank you again. In my view, society, the way is functioning, enables and sometimes encourages these ways of coping with one another. Looks sad for now, I really need to process it and look for the bright side. Thanks again!

Thank you so much for this video, Darren. This information is so valuable. I really appreciate your making this.

Thank you so much for doing this video. Much awaited one.

This is what I've been trying to name-thank you for this. Over the years, I reduced myself and my life, isolated, abandoned hobbies, friends. Why I wondered? I think to reduce CD. Eliminated all sources of enjoyment so that being with him wouldn't be so strikingly different.