Brené Brown: Why Your Critics Aren't The Ones Who Count

How do you operate when genuinely don't know who has your back?

I love her. That's it. That's the comment.

Absolutely, meaningful ❤❤❤❤thank you for sharing 😊

Because we are so often drawn only to those who flatter us, criticism is often exactly what we need to keep our own egos from falling for insincere flattery."

The problem is, trying to sort out those who really care enough to give us healthy criticism, from those whose intentions are to destroy the least bit of healthy image we have of ourselves.

What do you do when its your boss?

Apparently, the word "um" is the modern "Applause" sign that turns on after a punchline is delivered. [Update: I stand corrected. Obviously the word "um" has replaced the simple "pause" when speaking.]

She's smart and beautiful! Perfect!

I love this, I would like to say first and foremost that it is fantastic and inspiring to see your courage, Brené, to get up and talk like this. I have explained to many clients of my own that courage is not being absent of fear but doing the thing anyway – courage cannot exist without fear. I have had to start doing it myself, public speaking, I’m even looking at writing articles in the hopes that it could help people, not to this level but any level is scary, right? Courage is one of my values too and I feel it is important to talk about this. I am terrified but I am doing it anyway.
I feel it is important to recognise that, for myself and a lot of others, the people who are in our corner ready to pick us up and dust us off, the reason they're not given seats to see us celebrate is not because they don't count (though I recognise that that's a valid statement) so much as, "If you see me fail you'll no longer have faith in me/ realise I'm as worthless as I know/think I am". Allowing the people who love you into the arena is a bravery of its own when we are dealing with the feelings caused by conditions such as imposter syndrome, rejection syndrome, PTSD, abandonment issues.
I have had to stand on a stage and talk, do my thing in front of and with people (doing it right involves the audience too, right? Connection) and started by not inviting those in my life to see me do the thing - purely because that was more frightening than having to do the thing - then when I was up there doing the thing without them I felt... Lonely. I couldn't celebrate my win because they weren't there to do it with me. The realisation of their investment of time, energy, unconditional love and support, challenges and calls out on my BS required me to recognise that it is doing a disservice to both myself and them by not asking them if they would like to come and celebrate my courage – regardless of success or failure. There is benefit that they can help catch us when we fall but they also deserve the right to see their support come to fruition.

Women’s golf swings

Oh my goodness, Brene! I HOPE you read this comment but I understand why you will most likely not see it. I just want to say that I’ve been in the beauty business for 22 yrs. I’ve worked with celebrities and upon watching your first video 30 minutes ago, I literally did not, for one second, under God, think about how you looked until later in another video where I noticed how much I loved your beautiful Diane Keaton smile. I never judged you for a SECOND in any negative way. Right off the bat I was stunned by how your words commanded my heart. I hung on every word for the last 3 videos. You’ve just changed my life. Huge fan. One of my clients whose a therapist referred me.

WONDERFUL talk - Thank you for showing up!

Summary from ChatGPT: The only way to create something new and original is to be vulnerable and to embrace imperfection, which requires walking through the fear and criticism that comes with putting oneself out there. The key is to be clear about your values, reserve seats for critics, and have at least one person in your life who loves you despite your imperfections.

“I forgot to invite you because I thought if you loved me and supported me, how important could you be…?” wow! That got me.

“If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” 🎤🫱💪

This women is a gift from God, thank you maam , you‘re helping me becoming the best version of myself, my true self.

thank you so much! I watched more times to finally feel instead of hearing!

I'm a first-time filmmaker after doing 6 books. I'm here to listen to this fabulous talk AGAIN! How many times now? Really need a refresher now as some people slam my film because of their own agenda, not as constructive critics. Thank you Brene, I can now intuit the difference!

Super!

WOW!!!!!, thank you so much for this speech!!!!!!!!!!💯 you had literal critics, a.k.a. "haters", and they dragged you and your Name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... at 36 I am facing that!!!!! from fake friends who were jealous of me when I never knew!!!!!!, like really???.. I'm not even graduated yet, .. (soon by God's grace n Mercy n Power!!), and they hated on me and literally turned on me when I have Nothing yet????, while I remained, not dumb , but a real friend as an adult woman???, wow!!!!!! hate on me and b jealous and fake when I have nothing and you know I'm trying to be a better mother, better woman and finish college, and be a respectable woman in my community, and all you got, after being fake friendly for 4 year's of knowing my struggles, is jealousy??????....IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!! ....BUT I LEARNED HOW TO FORGIVE MY NAY SAYERS AND FAKE FRIENDS WHO LITERALLY TRIED TO HURT ME EMOTIONALLY AND DEFAME MY CHARACTER, IT TOOK A WHIIIIILE, BECAUSE BACK IN DAY I USED TO FIGHT, ...BUT OVER A DECADE LATER IVE LEARNED TO WALK AWAY CUT TIES AND ALL COMMUNICATION WITH JEALOUS ENVIOUS MEAN WOMEN N MEN, AND PRAY FOR THEM AND FORGIVE THEM!!!!!!!! I CHOOSE TO WALK IN GRACE, BELIEVE IN "ME!!!!!", LIKE GOD DOES AND IVE LEARNED TO NEVER GIVE UP ON MYSELF AND TO REMAIN HUMBLE!!!!!!!!, FORGIVING!!!!!!, REMAIN AND PRAY AND PRACTICE PEACE!!!!!!, BREATH!!!!!!!!, AND UNDERSTAND THAT, YEAH IT HURT ME DEEPLY BEING BETRAYED BY SOMEONE WHOM I THOUGHT WAS A DEAR FRIEND!!!!!!!, I WAS GOOD TO THIS PERSON!!!!!! TAUGHT HER HOW TO BE GOOD MOTHER TO HER OWN CHILDREN, AND TAUGHT HER FROM MY OWN MISTAKES IN MY EARLY 20S WHEN I WAS WILD , UNDISCIPLINED, IGNORANT, DIDN'T LOVE MYSELF, AND LOST CUSTODY OF MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN WHOM I LOVE SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!🙏🏽💯..... IVE GROWN HEALED AND COUNTED MY BLESSINGS!!!!!!!! ..THE LADY WHOM HAS CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN IS GIVING THEM A WONDERFUL GREAT BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!!!!! AND SHE LOVES THEM AND THEY LOVE HER N ARE HAPPY AND THRIVING!!!!!!! EVEN THOUGH THAT HURTS ME, MY CHILDREN KNOW ME N LOVE ME .,AS I DEFINITELY WHOLE HEARTEDLY DO LOVE THEM, !!!!!!!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽... ALSO I HAD TO GROW UP, HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE AND GOD SENT GOOD WOMAN WHITE/BLACK/HISPANIC, ETC..., THAT WERE OLDER AND HELPED ME!!!!!!!!! I USE MY PAIN AND TROUBLES FROM PAST TO BELP OTHER WOMEN WITH ABUSE/THEIR CHILDREN/ SELF LOVE/WORTH/ AND CHANGING BAD HABITS AND CHARACTER DEFECTS THAT ARE DISTURBING TO HEALTHY LIFE........IM NOT PERFECT AT ALL, BUT IVE CHANGED!!!!!! AND GOD AND OTHER INTELLIGENT OLDER WOMEN HELPED ME!!!!!!!!!, FAST FORWARD IM IN COLLEGE ABOUT TO GRADUATE AND ITS ALL GODS DOING AND IM HUMBLE AND OVERWHELMINGLY THANKFUL!!!!!!🙏🏽🙏🏽💯💯🙏🏽, THE WOMAN I BEFRIENDED, AS I WAS IN BEGINNING PROCESS OF CHANGING 7 YEARS AGO, WAS A GOOD FRIEND, SO I THOUGHT!!!!!!..... SHE WAS 4 YEARS YOUNGER THAN MYSELF ...I HELPED HER WITH ADVICE, TOLD HER HOW TO BE BETTER WOMAN, I WOULD TEACH HER AS I WAS TAUGHT...... I WAS AND NEVER HAVE BEEN JEALOUS OF HER!!!, NEVER ENVIOUS OF HER!!!!!! AND GAVE HER BEST ADVICE I COULD, AS I WAS GIVEN BY MY OLDER INTELLIGENT MENTORS........I DIDN'T EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN!!!!! I DID ALL FROM THE HEART TO HELP WOMEN AND REALLY WANTED TO CHANGE AND GROW!!!!!.....FAST FORWARD I FOUND OUT THIS SAME " NOW FAKE SNAKE FRIEND", WAS COMPLETELY JEALOUS AND ENVIOUS OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I ALWAYS HAD A FEELING SOMETHING WAS OFF ABOUT HER, BUT CHOSE TO BE BIGGER PERSON ANYWAY......IT HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, AT FIRST!!!!!!!!! IM NOT GOING TO LIE!!!!!!..... I THOUGHT WHY SHE JEALOUS OF ME???? I DONT HAVE ANYTHING AT MOMENT WORTH BEING JEALOUS OF?????????..... SO IF I MAKE IT TO DOING EVEN BETTER HOW SHE GONNA FEEL THEN???, I THOUGHT......I CUT HER OFF N REMOVED MYSELF FROM HER N ANYONE ELSE WHO WAS JEALOUS OF ME!!!!!!!!!!
... AS TIME PASSED IVE LEARNED TO FORGIVE HER WITH GOD...I STILL DO NOT SPEAK NOR WANT HER, OR ANYONE LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💯.........IVE LEARNED PEOPLE WILL BE JEALOUS AND FAKE WHEN YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!!!!!, THEY CAN BE JEALOUS OF YOUR INTEGRITY, SMILE, EDUCATION, WORK ETHIC, PERSONALITY!!!!!!!!💯 , DOSENT EVEN HAVE TO BE ABOUT MATERIAL GAIN AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!, SOME PEOPLE ARE EVEN JEALOUS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!!!!!!!!!, YOU'D BE SURPRISED!!!!!!!!!!!! .....BUT IVE LEARNED VERY VALUABLE LESSON!!!!!!! CUT THEM OFF, LEAVE THEM TO THEMSELVES, MOVE ON, PRAY FOR THEM TO TURN TO GOD AND TO GET JEALOUS SPIRIT OFF OF THEM , AND STAY GRACIOUS GOOD , STRONG, DON'T WORRY ABOUT " CRITICS"!!!!!!! , THEY DONT MATTER, WHAT MATTERS IS YOU!!!!!!! HUMILITY, STAYING IN GRACE AND CLASS, RISING ABOVE PETTINESS AND DRAMA , FIND PEOPLE THAT ARE LIKE YOU AS FAR AS SAME GOALS AND THAT ARE HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY MAKE THE BEST GENUINE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!! I WAS BITTER/ANGRY/UPSET AT THIS JEALOUS FAKE PERSON A WHILE AGO......NOW I GIVE THEM PRAYERS, GIVE MYSELF POSITIVE PEP TALK!!!!!! LISTEN TO INSPIRING MOTIVATIONAL PEOPLE AND REMAIN STRONG AND RESILIENT BECAUSE THERE'S STILL GOALS TO REACH, GOOD PEOPLE OUT HERE, AND SO MUCH MORE ROOM TO GROW, LEARN, AND FLOURISH AND PROSPER!!!!!!!!!!!!, AMEN!!!!!!!!!!💯🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 LOVE YALL!!!!!!🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

i needed to see this. thankyou so so so much

Yes !!! A good thought is also, what someone thinks of you is their problem, how you respond to it is your's.....not sure who said it, but it is a good position to take....

❤️

Don’t forget to to invite them in before they are gone!

I think your brilliant and sexy as hell 😍

Gosh Brené, you are something else..this never gets old or irrelevant..keep up the good good work..

💙

I was happy a doctor high listed my comment " I'm a sub"

Thankyou Brene. I have a booking for an audition for a part in an amateur play coming up soon, and I was almost going to cancel it, as it has been many years since I was on stage. I am 67 now, and roles for someone in my age range, don't come up very often. So initially I was excited and jumped at the chance to go for the role, but my husband's negative comments, and my own self doubt has been making me question whether I can still "do it" - get up there on that stage, and play a part in a play...(if I get the role). Can I manage all the rehearsals? The commitment to the Director, and all the other people involved, to not let them down?? After listening to your talk, you have helped me to have courage again, and to know that, "Yes! I can do this!" It may not be easy, and I may not get the part, but I can at least turn up for the audition, and give it my best!! Thankyou!! Wish me luck! - from Sue in South Australia

Brene Brown is a GENIUS!!! I wish she could be my therapist!!!

Useful and practical tools to apply when practising being vulnerable and learning to ignore the critics! Here’s to putting me first and ignoring feedback that’s not constructive. Love cheap seats analogy!!!! My favourite

You have absolutely no idea how much I needed this!

Outstanding!

Ja sa nemám za čo hanbiť na rozdiel od tých úlisných zmrdov čo len sedeli na zadku, hovno robili a len sa rehotali ako pri brzdení. Strkať do zadku a za chrbtom ma brať do huby.

This talk just gave me a third eye of seeing and understanding the creative world. Thank you Brene!

The stinky stress sweat

True lol

I so needed to hear this today, thank you so much brene, and I am going to take these examples and map my own stadium stands.. Its so useful!! As an artist, its essential I protect my dear heart by surrounding myself in that cloak of compassion and support. And also, to notice who's games I am willing to regularly go to and show up with the team chant xx

So grateful to can benefit of these resources. We are changing the world!

I was introduced to Brene during my stay in treatment for an alcohol addiction! This particular TEDTalk was shown to our group and it hit and turned my life around! Learning and understanding more about my “ARENA” and what my next move was! I just want to say THANK YOU! Without this TEDTalk I don’t know if I would be 1029 days sober today!

Adore her 😍💞

There are always critics and there always will be

Wow slap in the face and a good slap

Not despite, but because.

OMG she made me cry. That quote healed me.

Question: when searching for a therapist how would i look for one to help me identify that armour which is no longer serving me and expell it from my life? Qualifying questions to ask? Areas of expertise? Any suggestions welcome. Finding the right professional is such a hit or miss