Why you NEED to pay attention to how a NARCISSIST talks

What i find to be very interesting, is that there are some reocuring traits that cross well over with mastery as a whole. But because the mental processes cannot be completed, it stops rather abruptly. Very strange to see, fascination. This absolute thinking, quite the experience to observe.

So true because looking back now I recall how my ex Narc said he early on one of our earlier dates that he was just a simple man and nothing really special but a simple man. I took it as him being humble about himself until later on I realized it was shame because he hadn’t accomplished much for his age. He also went on to say that his two children were more successful than he had ever been and is. He was proud of them but wished he had done things differently. Yet later he came up with this crazy fantastical stories about what he did in special forces and worked for the CIA protecting this country but nobody would ever find out about it because they can’t talk about what they did. So if they did so much to save and do for this country then why isn’t proud of himself. It was all lies of course the work he did. He invented that part of his life. Many times when he’d mess up he would all out say his name and then say why are you so stupid. He did that a lot. I would say don’t say that. It’s no biggy. Or when he was fixing something he’d say his name and say your stupid and can’t fix it. I wonder how if that’s what his super violent NArc father use to tell him and it stuck. Anyhow I was with him for five months and then I left. To many lies, anger crap and was to obsessed with me and possessive. When he would get stressed, frustrated or angry he would try to devalue me and lie about shit. Never was accountable for anything. Never his fault. Said he was sorry for everything but could never tell me why he did that he was sorry for. He needs help and I shared that with his sibling to get the family involved and get him to therapy and fast. He’s in his early 60’s and if they don’t get him to get help he will continue to live a very sad and unfulfilled life. Can’t hold down relationships and barely has any true connection friends.

What was your childhood like? Thats how you were shaped.

But once you know you know. I dealt with one for too long. I wish I would’ve known sooner than later. I knew his dad was one but my ex was quite charming so I just thought he had deep seeded issues stemming from his dad. My ex once said on of his old girlfriends called him a narcissist. I fed him into his argument not knowing them he is a narcissist. Smh

your mannerisims and the way you present looks exactly like my ex its scary....

Just venturing my two cents as a person on the autistic spectrum…

1.) For some reason, I can smell a cluster B within a few minutes. I put it down to being close "relatives" psychologically to them. Let me give an example: Word salad is a giveaway. They use many many words to go around a central idea that is never arrived at with in conversation.

2.) In their speech many of them insert an abnormal number of "like" for each few minutes.

3.) To make sure one way or another, I may locate within the surrounding some random item and comment that the item is "unclean" rather than describing it as just "dirty." Half of the cluster Bs will fly into a disturbed state and say something to justify that item is pristine.

Just my two cents, from somebody who feel very little need for emotional connection with others generally.

Flash news! Having an average IQ is not the end of the world. We ALL have a superpower. This superpower is a pair of cognitive preferences, that are in 1st and 2nd place in your cognitive stack (I'm talking from the MBTI standpoint). Those 2 cognitive preferences are your savior functions, and you will certainly be better in those, than a genius with 140 IQ, not having them is his/her stack (first four preferences out of 8 preferences). So, you will have a world of possibilities for success in your life, even if you are average (IQ). You want an example? Construction-Jo, very industrious, having a successful life financially, compared to a day-dreaming genius, solving life mysteries in his basement, but not achieving anything. Of course, that day-dreaming genius can also have his chances.. he just needs to get moving... Another example? Okay... Someone with dominant Extraverted Feelings (Fe) and secondary introverted intuition (Ni). That person is super freakinly good at sizing up people!! Pick up your career accordingly! You also have a good chance of raising mentally healthy children!! Success is in front of you, even with an average IQ!! Albert Einstein is clueless compared to you in this matter!! Go darling go!! Use it!!!

I found this helpful today
So thanks for that.

It’s crazy to me bc I know am a narcissist but am always trying to proof that am to myself and hide it to others

How do you feel good when everyone treated you like shit growong up, no one is pn your side, and youre all alone? Do i have to resort to conartistry?

Volume is always to low in your vids

I can relate to fearing that I’m not as smart as people think. I can’t say that I think I’m smart, because if I believed that I wouldn’t fear being less intelligent. It helps framing statements about yourself as opinions, and not using more extreme descriptors. ‘I’m an idiot’ becomes ‘sometimes I feel like I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.’ Joking around helps me as well.

I have experienced that state of mind where I thought everyone else is nuts except me lol 😂

What meds do they have narcissists take?????

Interesting. They say that even paranoiacs have enemies. What if the narcissist actually is extraordinary in intelligence and ability? Are they still narcissists? Why?

The reason people do not like narcissists has nothing to do with the narcissist's intelligence at all. Someone could be the actual stupidest independent adult man on the entire planet, and he could also be the most compassionate man on the entire planet. Everyone will say honestly say that they are very happy that that man exists. A "70s small town" will do lots of extra work to protect him if he is falsely accused of something by feds that doesn't affect the other people at all. Hundreds of people will cry at his funeral (if he knows hundreds of people). The reason why people do not like narcissists is because narcissists literally claim that IQ or appearance or degree is "proof that one person is better then another". Everyone knows that some people are better then other people, because everyone who is given the name of a male baby-rapist will say honestly that everyone they know is a better man then the baby-rapist is. Everyone who is not a narcissist also knows that "whether you deserve to exist or not" and "whether you are worthy of being that person's girlfriend or not" has nothing to do with appearance, intelligence, amount of regular recurring wages, degrees or "official awards" in ang category, haircut, weight, or any other sorry of thing that are all completely 100% irrelevant to whether you "are worthy of existence" or "are a good and decent man" or not. Everyone who is not a narcissist knows that the only way that it is possible to be better then other people is by treating everyone in your personal life well, never being abusive no matter what, never having a wife unless you fully and totally love your wife, and then also being 100% honest to your wife most of the time (unless you are planning a surprise or agreed that you both prefer lying about one and only one topic and you were telling the truth during the entire conversation in which you made the agreement), etc. If you are extremely ugly and you do all of these things and also do everything else that makes someone a good/decent human beings then everyone will like you except for bullies. If you have an extremely high IQ and you do the opposite of everything I just listed, then there are zero people on Earth who will truly and fully like you. The reason people do not like narcissists is because they claim that having a high IQ proves they are worthy as a human being, or having a higher IQ then you do proves that they are better then you. And that is false and man who believes that indicates a man who is abusive and that is why everyone else does not like that man.

How can one consider oneself smart based on the results of a IQ test? Or be so obsessed with a “diagnosis” that’s made up?

In my experience, Catholic narcissists are way easier to spot. There are some common and very tell-tale signs, and there are signs of the pathology that can be spotted in their spirituality even before they show up anywhere else.

I think NPD is both extremely easy to spot and extremely difficult to spot. Difficult because they somewhat believe they have a pretty consistent false version of themselves, but easy because the red flags are still there. It’s not that people don’t notice the red flags, it’s that the persona is so convincing that it makes them forget about or second-guess the red flags.

IQ tests are outdated. They can give a vague estimation if someone is extremely far behind or extremely good at the tasks but average people vary a lot on different days, moods etc. A general rule of thumb by a neuro prof I know is: Intelligence is pretty equally distributed. It's mainly how you train, grow up etc. what makes the difference. Some people who seem dumb are pretty smart when it comes to certain things. So they just have a different focus compared to others. If someone focuses on language and maths, they are seen as smart by the general public but someone who never went to school can be extremely intelligent when it comes to, for example, repairing things or social interactions.
Just sharing what the prof told me, I'm not one myself :D

I know we are not supposed to diagnose others, but I am in the middle of a rather nasty divorce that was precipitated by my ex's complete inability to accept criticism (I was able to criticize his behavior once without spending the rest of the week being yelled at and blamed for every problem in his life, and it required a 10 minute preamble where I described how much worse i was.) In addition to his explosive responses to criticism, our relationship started with me on a pedestal to a point that made me uncomfortable and ended with me being the worst, most manipulative person he ever met. At any rate, he wants to have children and I am worried that he and his next partner might wind up with a pregnant surrogate before that relationship blows up. Is there any way someone could have brought this up to you in a way that would not make you feel judged or attacked? Even if a child doesn't become an issue, I am kind of worried about his future if he doesn't get his shit sorted out.

How often do you get your ass beat?

Props to you, Mr. Narcissist… you’ re fascinating to listen to 😊

That so sad, but also that sounds so humble at times ironically. By the way, iq test isn't reliable measure for intelligence.

Well, if someone insults you, I think it's pretty normal to feel angry with them

How would you have felt if one of your exes told you that she thinks you might have NPD?

Thanks these videos are valuable. You are making a big difference. Feel good about that!

IDEA: What if you created courses that focused on teaching narcissistic communication tactics

Just so you know, in my opinion, (listing to you talk), it ois obvious you are an extremely intelligent person

I once heard a psychiatrist say something about ego being a natural copying mechanism to low self esteem and how we protect ourselves from feeling down by "it's other people's fault, not mine, or, it's [insert situation or environmental context here] fault, therefore I can't control it" and that changed my life, and now that I'm learning more about narcissistic personality disorder it just makes absolute sense, npd is the perfect example for that statement, feeling guilty and bad all the time makes the brain increases ego so it doesn't impact that much your quality of life

I must be chronic no one is better than me. Lol😂😂😂😂

My brother has NPD

This is a blast from the past. Best

My ex narc never did that. It took me a long time to realize what it was. I knew something was wrong but couldnt put my finger on it until we had broke up and he would never let me go..he always came back. After a few times and after a bit of research I figured it out. But after I left him and the cognitive dissonance wore off I could see it for exactly what it was. And he still hoovered me back after 3 months no contact by giving me everything I had asked for during the relationship. Lol needless to say it still didnt work out

I'm very critical of myself

And I can get into black and white thinking because of the autism

But I'm pretty sure I'm not a narcissist

The IQ thing. You know? Why you have such a low esteem despite you're quite smart?
It's because you never build something from scratch.
For example, if you learn piano, you need to learn from the beginning, novice, intermediate, to advanced.
Or if you learn karate, you start from white belt, to black belt.
Or if you build a house, you need to build a foundation, before you build the house from the top.

It takes time and patience. It's a step by step process.
And you don't do that because you don't enjoy the process of being a novice, white belt ,build house foundation. You just want the final reward, the short cut.

But if you just e.g. enjoy learn piano, no matter at what stages, as oppose to enjoy the accolade or praise from public of you playing piano, then automatically your confidence will build up, and the final results (accolade, praises, etc.) less matter.

I find the part quite fascinating where he says he sees people as being superior or 'the worst ever'.

There was another video of his I recently watched where he was talking about his exes, and stated that they would always be like subordinates to him, that he would rather prefer a partner who could be viewed as an equal.

I think thats a bunch of horse 💩, since you'd think that if the partner was equal, then naturally that would imply that the narcissist in question has met someone who is not less than the narcissist; wouldn't this be a threat to their ego, since they like being high up above the person they are dealing with? And now they'd have to start putting the person down to pump themselves up and to lower the partner because there's no way they'd be comfortable being equals (knowing the envious nature even if it would 'work' it would probably be shortlived; these people are far too insecure and threatened to live alongside someone they view as equal..), right??

My two cents

This makes sense. The grinding gears of judgment turn and cannibalize the narcissists own ego behind the scenes Until they are empty inside. Kind of like realizing someone’s pride is all they have and your frustration turns to compassion. This is helpful frame of reference and appreciate your channel and discussions.

wow, your videos are really transformative. they help me understand a lot

interesting, empaths (the real ones not the people pleasers) are also social chameleons 🤣 but for empaths it's automatic mirroring of others, not having some secret intentions to boost your ego by sucking up to people.

Thanks!

Best narcissism channel out there! Thanks a lot for the insights

Damn, that video hit like a ton of brick. The relation i have with my own intelligence and competence, and perception of it. Seeing narcissists everywhere, especially at work, the self-deprecation. I realized that i viewed "being normal" with the utmost contempt, and i feared it. I am starting to feel more at ease with the idea of being normal / average, even below in some aspect, i think i'm not trying as much to "prove myself" to others, especially at work, and hopefully i am less of a pain to be around. The book "The courage to be disliked" actually planted the seed

Question? Is everyone who has low self esteem a narcissist?

Toxic people live without integrity. It’s that simple.