Relationships with Enneagram 4s

Big thanks to everyone watching, liking, & subscribing! This series has been a huge labor of love and it's so great to see your response💜

Type four and acts of service is BIG for me and affirmations though I really don't know how to process the affirmations, but showing me love by doing things with or for me.. huge<3

Borderline

I'm a type 4. As for Love Language, yes, quality time & words of affirmation. BUT I appreciate any kind of love language since it's a mean of "showing love".😌

Yes... but/however/sort of/... As you get older and more emotionally mature a 4 will realize reality is different than their ideal and can accept what they have.

As far as acts of service not being a love language for us because we feel less than like we are being helped because we are incapable. This is wrong. We love acts of service and appreciate them, however we don’t need them because we will do them ourselves. And doing them for us is really nice, but it’s not how we feel loved. We need to be seen to feel loved.

As a four, I've been reflecting //ofc I've been XD// abt the gift giving thing. Although I do appreciate when someone gifts me something that really resonates with me, and it clearly shows that they know me, what I want, etc. As I watched ur video "Type 4s Explained," I realize that I don't need to interpret it from that pov.

Giving a gift that doesn't resonate with me doesn't have to mean that someone doesn't know me or can't love me the way I want to be loved that is through meaning and understanding. Instead it can show a part of how they think of me which is different with how I think of myself. A gift and an insight at the same time. Or, maybe they just aren't the type to love by meaning, or they don't have the time and energy, and that's okay. Interpreting and identifying patterns, once noticed, makes it easier to be a healthy 4. Objective journaling of unhealthy patterns and where they stem from, then create new ones, I think are some great ways to self-improve that is natural for type 4's. Thank you Colton!

I feel like these are the unhealthy traits of an enneagram 4 . Yes i have a tendency to feel this way but i definitely dont choose to navigate my relationship this way

Yup

I find the Enneagram most accurate of all personality theories. I totally relate to the 4.

thank you. very helpful

@YouveGotaType “Loneliness causes the 4 to idealize the one they lost as some idealized version of who they were , which causes them to come running or crawling back based on how much pride they have left”. WOW. How is this sooo true? Where In the heck did you gather all this info to be this good at dissecting the enneagram types? 10/10 , subscribed

Nooo I love acts of service but I need to be in control

The thing about love languages is sooo true... I’d rather you just give me a letter professing your love and admiration rather than a gift that I feel you didn’t think deeply about. There’s nothing I hate more than unintentional gifts ... or gifts just for the sake of gifting it makes me feel like you really don’t understand me. Because I crave intensity and deep connection, you’re better off telling me why you got me the gift rather than buying me some really expensive and fancy gift like a piece of jewelry that had no thought process behind it whatsoever.

honestly could not really relate to most of this. I think its probably due to being an sp4, we tend to have more stable emotions (at least outwardly) so theres not any of those intense big shifts as often as you would see with the other two. That doesnt mean that those fluctuations in mood and self image doesnt happen, we just tend to keep it in more often and are much less likely to draw attention to them. The comparisons though, thats the one i do struggle with a ton

Sucks to be a 4. Just saying. Only learning these things about myself now. Explains an awful lot about my life.

Well shit. Everything about me is a paradox. I might as well be two people.

Thank you for the video🙂 and can you analyze robert greenes ennegram type 😃 i am fan of his works and i feel he is 4. 🙂

Type 4 here. Ended my 6 year (+1 week) relationship last night because I wasn't being heard, seen, or understood. His love language is acts of service, and I just about cried when I heard that.

So true. I would much rather date someone edgy aggressive etc than someone who has all that stuff lurking within them while they're picture perfect. I mean 3s can't help it so I actually like them and try to help them. It's the ESTJs man (my mother specifically) the fi inferior is maddening

😂

Yeah, right on the money, bro. As a four-type, I realize I need to work on myself. And I'm finally making some connection as to why my last relationship didn't work and why people were frustrated at me in friendships. Thanks, man, for your help, and keep making excellent content.

good stuff bro! do you have a video on type 4 sexual and wing 3 ?

You really hit the mark! Every word! I’ve never understood why those around me don’t appreciate how special I am! 😆 I love giving gifts, but it is close to impossible to give me a gift that goes over well! Thank-you for this insight into myself and what those around me go through!

I'm a 5, my ex husband was a 4. What a HUGE mistake that was. I wish I had understood this better back then.

Thank you for understanding, you truly know the heart of the matter. It's fascinating that you're a different type and yet you nail it so succinctly.

As a 4 I prefer acts of service for a love language 😊

I’m a four and I felt called out 😂. In the best of ways of course

Thank you for these videos, you did good!! 🖤

I was in a long-term relationship with a 4. My biggest struggle was he idealized me from afar and wanted more quality time but when we would spend time together he was constantly frustrated with me (push-pull dynamic). He dominated conversations with mundane work stories or the expression of his creative and political ideas. He didn't inquire about my feelings and experiences (as a 9 that is very triggering). When I finally suggested therapy he raged because he felt I was trying to change who he was (which was not the case). I only wanted us to learn skills to bring us back together.

Oh, and he HATED gifts! Wanted Christmas canceled :P

This was good especially as a 9 and I'm married to a 4 I realized I kept comparing trying to say she doesn't understand me or try to understand my enneagram like others so I'm self sabotage my relationship

Absolutely brilliant!

tooo real. i was tearing up by the end of the "hide & seek" section

What you said about being rather with a partner who is authentically messy than with one who won't let anyone see behind their shiny persona low-key made so much sense, I'm starting to understand my own past a lot better. Thank you so much, I had to laugh so hard🥰😂

Physical touch is first for me

Bro im red pill aware, the ideal gal dont exist, we get ppl, thats it, no perfect gem of a person with no flaws n cracks, not even jesus christ was a perfect gem

Even the son of god had flaws and was imperfect just like all of humanity, hoping for perfect is a fools game because even if she was made by myself or god she/he would still have imperfections regardless of how much time n effort was put into em because ppl change

What's perfect now wont be later and thus perfect is more of a chased opinion rather than a fact, especially in the physical plane of existence

What the hell is this shame crap y'all are on about???

Yeah i got it, but not like how y'all go on, i feel shame for bein an @$$hole as a kid, thats pretty much it

I think 4s feel like we're equal parts awesome and deeply flawed. Makes it hard to maintain good self-esteem and strong self worth. Or at least that's how I feel being a 4.

I’m a four and I think touch and words of affirmation are my most desired experiences from my partner. I need to hear you love me and I need to feel it literally

How is this possible that you’ve come to understand such a profound view?

Holy shit I feel naked! It's amazing how a stranger who lives on the other side of the world understands the core of my being while everyone in my immediate environment is clueless 🤪 Thank you for the video 😊🤗😇

Great video! I actually feel seen and appreciated with acts of service.A date jumping out to put gas in the car makes me swoon lol

sounds like a suicide mission

thank you for making these videos. i understand myself and my loved ones better 🙏

I’m a four and all the love languages are my love language lmao

I laughed out loud so this is so accurate.

What about 4w5 people?

It's been a nightmare. Thank God for learning about the Enneagram.

You have no idea how often I've paused the video because of how accurately you described the things I can't put into words; I was either laughing or cringing at my coping style. As a 4w5 sx, the withdrawing part was wonderfully articulated, and I'm horrified that I keep doing that in real life and in my imagination. I tend to withdraw from my family and friends because I feel like I've overexposed myself in some way and see if they noticed I was gone or not. If not, I get annoyed at them... and clearly, I need to work on adequately communicating that withdrawing phase.

For authenticity, I can see through my family and friends unsaid words and facades, and when the time is right, they tend to share things with me - ESPECIALLY the painful topics that they rarely discuss with anyone else. Most of the time, I cry (the usual) or empathize (maybe even beyond that) with them. My soul felt connected to them at that profound moment, given both of my wings tend to reflect on their reason(s) and emotions.

As an artist, intuition is helpful when it comes to expressing myself! It pulls me out of my rut, and I start getting out there and posting my art again! It also helps me be more aware of my reactions and how to direct them to something meaningful instead. Thinking about it, I should develop my wing 3 more to get myself out there.

Also, the last section was uncanny because there was this one time I and my family discussed what love language they preferred. We all share a common one: words of affirmation, so it's a pretty spot on for me! I also added that my second language is quality time.

Anyways, great video! I can't wait for the Enneagram 5 video next week :)