GASLIGHTING: LONG TERM EFFECTS OF NARCISSIST PSYCHOLOGICAL MANIPULATION (FORMS/SIGNS/SYMPTOMS)

My family invented Gaslighting

Can we please clearly define intimacy and sex?

Manipulative sex is not even in the category of intimacy. Intimacy and sex are not mutual exclusive…
Sex should be a loving expression of an intimacy, but intimacy is special. Please do not tarnish the name of intimacy, so we have the hopes of learning and experiencing its true form.

My anxiety and heart-palpitations were completely gone after I broke up with my ex-narc-wife!

Sorry to hear your struggles with your narc dad, and the sad story of your mom too. Hope she is doing well now. I can imagine that it set you on fire! Thanks for sharing Lisa.

Lisa u are one if s few of the BEST MH therapists on YT who give us free and very helpful information that wiout some of us wud be in turmoil emotionally and like myself have nobody to talk to x my local MH services in th area whare i reside were useless and blamed ALL of my MH issues on my pain meds!!! I first self harmed at ONE year old! I wasn't on ANY meds then so it's wrong to ASSume my MH issues are a result if taking opiate pain meds for osteoarthritis and sciatica which help me live a relativly active life and paracetamol make me puke and can cause long term effects of liver damage and same with ibrofen! I use to be VERY phisically active worked 2 jobs was always on the "go" 25 years ago! I wish i was tht person I was then but alas I'm now 50 years old and in agony everyday! It's got NOTHING to do with my MH or emotional issues which are a DIRECT cause of childhood abuse trauma and abuse from ex partners in my life which NOW are stil severely affectn my MH! Thank u SO MUCH for all ur free advice it helps more then u can imagine! X

Its in your mind, nobody can hear you in private

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17 years living under gaslight. Depression, chronic injuries, guil amfnbcand illness. I needed help so I schedule 7 sessions of therapy. At the end of our first hour, I asked for homework and instead of he referred this channel. Confused from being abused for so long, I was devastated to learn I'm a narc... I'm sick. It has to be me. So I asked him at our final session, "I'm very confused here, how do I know I'm not the narc here?" He said "because you asked, because you are confused and alone trying to understand and grow."

No conversation unless it’s about them - all you said— wow it hit home big time

I love the show deadwood and there is a line in it i've used to make a couple people back off telling me I'm wrong. so if my brother said for example I am mad about money and then I'm not included in financial decisions that are vitally important for me I take those 2 as part of the same event. if I see lightning and then I hear thunder I assume one caused the other. maybe lighting and no thunder. maybe just a rumble and no lightning. but if i see a bolt across the sky and then the house shakes from the crash of thunder I assume that's 2 parts of one event.

Makes sense. He’s just like my father. Tells everyone lies about me to cover up his bs. Threatens me, tells me a version of events that is false. I want to believe him and help him but it’s been like 5 too many incidents.

If you have CPTSD and someone cheats, lies and gaslights then your trigger and hypervigilance begins so therefore you feel like you are the detective and have to see and know what they do. It keeps you safe from more abuse and narcissistic tactics.

My husband withholds, it is absolute power and things have gone unresolved for years because of it.

I’ve been gaslit a lot in my jobs from bosses, many males against the female.

I wish someone could tell me if it’s narcissism. My bf has autism. He does the majority of the things you mention. It’s as if he can’t consider anyone else. Everything is on his terms and he doesn’t validate anything I say. It gets dismissed, subject change or that love bomby diversion you mentioned. He never follows through on anything. He will straight up deny he ever said it! I’ve saved texts and he still blames me or he will occasionally say it’s his fault. He is willing to take responsibility then boom he does it again! Autism really?

I was told by tbe Narc that I was a porno actress and he did it in front of relatives.
He then was told by narc father that I committed a crime and ran. I confronted this but the gas lights continues. He discarded me and the enabling continues. Fortunately he has very few friends and discarded family years and years ago, i am not crazy. I am a strong, intelligent, kind woman and I could care less for his enabling toxic people. I could care less for the flying monkeys/ new supply that he enlists. I realize that I will never teach him his pathological lies are unacceptable.

I think it is very safe to say, Ms. Romano, that we all have benefited from your bravery and willingness to confront these things and thank you for your efforts to stop these cycles in other peoples' lives. Truly thankful for these videos. ❤

They have no scruples about injuring or killing you. Fu^kn up your life gets high.
🙁

My physical health got damaged by Gaslighters - I’d end up self-attacking and harming my body .

I keep encountering gaslighters!!! Via phone trying to get a insurance quote noless!!! It was highly aggravating! I came up with some good power phrases for gaslighters! Instead of getting angry now and going off on them accusing them of gaslighting me, as it’s easy to spot after all the Narc education. I googled 20 Phrases To Say To Shut Down Gaslighting! Great research! I have a fav one I use adding in Dr carters 3 mottos!

“I am taking steps to protect myself and my well-being. I deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and civility and I will not allow you continue to hurt me with your gaslighting.”

Narcissists should be traced and criminalized...

Thank you.

I don’t know how to recover.

Thank you ❤

Thank you thank you thank you!

How about house hold finances that they keep you in the dark whilst that burn through it like no tomorrow and refuse to tell you why

They are so not worth the trauma they inflict … if only I could go back and walk away 😢 I’m so sorry you went through all that I’m so happy you came out on the other side

How do I respond to these in a healthy way?

I did keep a calendar too. I kept track of when I cooked dinner and what it was, and I also kept track of when I went to the gym. He started complaining I was always at the gym. I pulled out my calendar and said, hmmm....I only have been twice this month. Then he started complaining I had a membership and never went. WTF, just crazy making. My head was spinning.

Gaslighting is the worst. I was up north at my parents and my mom was telling me what I like to drink and it was not something I do like. My sister jumped in--yea Lisa, mom's right. You always drink this. I found myself trying to explain, that was not true. Learning to shut my mouth.

gaslighting is deliberate and intentional.

I've gone through this, just had a recent experience that made me shutdown completely, he literally gaslit me cause of holding him accountable. I just started journaling and it's really helpful.

River of Madness
A Poem about Narcissistic Abuse
A Monster pretending to be this wonderful man he’s presenting to me…
Who’s intent and motive is for me to believe he’s this alternate self he designed to deceive…
While hiding behind the thinnest of veils is the skin of a snake concealing his scales…
Layered in motives steeped in deceit with intentions so dark and secrets so deep…
Methodically spent years in the making manipulating ways I’d be his for the taking…

Like a River of Madness… with no beginning or end and no way out if I refuse to pretend…

I must act as though I can’t see what he truly is or what should be…
If he starts to believe I’m catching on he’l snuff the light from my life and the words to my song…
As long as I continue to bend to his will, the River of Madness at least starts to still…
The only way to survive is to disconnect to stay alive… learn to shut out all that’s real, for it doesn’t apply…

DON’T THINK…DON’T FEEL…

I’m not a living, breathing, soul…he stole those parts that made me whole…
Like a puzzle piece without a space for me to fit into place…
When all the while he hides the key to the missing pieces that were part of me…
If I ever found a fit just right, he’d rip it from me out of spite…
The thrill he gets when he thinks he’s gained, the power to control my pain…

Written and created by
Meredith Burke

I would qualify as the "Gaslighting" poster child.

Does anyone know how I could find help? I can't afford therapy and don't have insurance. I'm getting kinda desperate.

I’m being gaslight by an apartment complex. Leak issues since mid August. Everyday the wetness.

What about when - if you ask “too many” questions- because you simply don’t understand what is being said or being asked of you or what’s happening in that moment ~ and then end up being screamed at~ and being told “he shouldn’t have to explain himself“ and then ends up being screamed at to “get the F out” - which Im not doing- and end up telling him to leave… (it’s ridiculous, I know.. but I have a high school student and Im not going anywhere
but then will state later how he knows he has issues and yet he doesn’t because Im the one gaslighting him~ but he wont go to counseling to try to fix the communication issues we seem to be having and then quits his job, and leaves the home/state to find “work” which isn’t happening..
Honestly- If Im the problem- then I will work on myself. Except Im already in counseling and have been.
Thoughts?

The reference to the Crown Prosecution Services Coercive Control Elements was really interesting. It reminded me of the Wheel of Power and Control. Thank you!

Stop sleeping around because of anger.

So, this is all about you hating and blaming men?

I can remember before learning all this wonderful Knowledge from you and a few others my brother would do such gaslighting where he would pretend like he didn't know what you were talking about and act as if he didn't see what we just saw and I remember thinking "oh I want to be more like that", to flip the attention from being on me but I didn't realize all of the toxicity of all that is. Wow I'm so grateful I have awoken to it
Thank you so very much for doing the work that you do to help support all of us

In the end and always when there was an issue. It was so bad that I had to text her to express myself because of I call her or talked to her She would constantly interrupt me without allowing me to express my point. I could be quiet and let her speak and ask for the same. As soon as I started talking she would interrup or bring up something that had nothing to do with the conversation to argue about to frustrate me to not even want to talk at all.

Thank you, I’ve heard your videos on this subject before but this one really went deep into my soul.

Withholding: unbelievable — description is spot on.

No resolution with a Narc

"I was being conditioned to be afraid of holding him accountable [...]"
This sentence gave me so much power.
Thank you Lisa for supporting everyone who has ever gotten into the web of a narcissist 💛

They set things up in an altered reality with you (which is just another form of lying), so THEY can lie in the future and get away with it. Please dump on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean---- where they can't affect sane, good people.

My mother has invalidated my ENTIRE life & the EVIL she gains FROM it.

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Omg mine in validating too

My ex husband did that too. Exactly what you said. He with held regularly