How Do I Set Boundaries with People?

Kati Morton. Thank u so much for ur advice and the acting scene. I have taken down notes and i am preparing how to confront a 58 years old lady about her attitude talking to me in a choleric way,. Her words were insensitive with her words. I am 28 from Malaysia. God bless u. Thank u once again.

THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO 🙌🏼

Believe me that example is really 😢,

I told my friend I felt uncomfortable with what she said and i felt like she’s instigating. Then she cried. She’s in her 30s. I started to apologise because I felt guilt. Now I just want to avoid her

" its not ok w/ me " yep!, its not ok to be yelled at.

Yes!!, important to have physical, emotional , boundries.

" not talking about other people ", talking about the conversation ", the raised voice.

The ticking sound has it hard to tune out.

How about respecting professional boundaries by not speaking outside of your education and training? Why are you speaking about covid "misinformation"?

What really stood out to me is "I wouldn't say or do that to someone else." That is such great insight to have when setting a boundary. The fact that you are not willing to accept something you'd never do to someone else is powerful.

Manipulation comes with boundary violations after you've made bounds clear


Btw Katie you are describing colds and flus, which people have NEVER HAD BEFORE APPARENTLY. ITS ALL COVID 😏

Niceee ✨✨❤the way you act

Are boundaries an ultimatum? That’s what the example seemed like. “Speak to me nicely or we won’t end up being friends”

Now I wonder how that convo would go down with my dad... he tends to get loud and make hurtful statements like "one day I'm not gonna be here any more so ...", gets really upset and then turns cold and says "well maybe i just shouldnt care about you at all anymore, I'm not going to, just talk to your mom for anything, count me out" and brings up me being financially dependent on them, and trying to guilt me into doing or thinking like him.
I really want to try to enforce boundaries on how he often tells me I'm "too clumsy, unfit to survive on my own" and brings up past mistakes over and over long after the fact, but fear it will not really have an effect

Omg yes even as a man I hate when people touch the small of my back. In fact, I hate people touching my back period. Its creepy.

Your example wasn't too extreme at all.

Oh i like it when people touch my arm or back gently if they want to pass me.. ive never thought about it before but i feel like its a nice thing. If im shoved then ill call them an asshole.

Boundaries are a big thing I'm working on atm. My twin sister is getting married in a month. She is mad at me for not being super involved in the planning. I am a full time university student who is moving countries soon. She's upset that I've not done anything to help and talk about my progress in university. She's given me nothing to do. She doesn't want me in the wedding anymore. She called me out of the blue to drop this on me. Guess I'm not sleeping tonight.

I find it super hard to set boundaries without ,,threatining" someone when all Im trIng to do is tell the person what will happen if they don't stop. Any solid advise on this one? thank you

You are so amazing and I get your topics helpfull for me HSp, empathy and socially anxious person

I have lot bitches in My life who ruining my life

I'm setting a boundary to not listen to anymore talk about Covid, we should all be well aware of what it is and isn't!

The military is 😎🆒😎🆒😎🆒😎🆒😎🆒😎🆒

I agree 👍💯👍💯👍💯👍 jhjhnjhihjhbjbbjjhhjuijhjhjhhjhkhi

You have to put your own needs first before anybody else as no one isn't going to think of you,especially these days.

“Bit more intense than normal issues”
Me trying to have this conversation with toxic mom: that’s intense?!

I would really appreciate a video with a bunch of examples of boundaries. I didn't grow up in a house that respected or made boundaries and I think knowing some more examples might empower me to come up with my own.

You just broke someone’s boundaries. This video was supposed to be about boundaries, not covid. That should have been another video.

My adult daughter accuses me of worrying too much about the safety of family members and this hurts my feelings and I feel angry. I worry when a loved one makes risky choices that will ultimately affect me. Im afraid to say anything so I just clam up. That probably makes her feel like it’s ok to say hurtful things to me. Any advice would help.

I’ve been asked before if perhaps my boundaries are too strong, and maybe so because if this person did not apologize after being told the first time, that would have been the end of the discussion and likely the entire friendship. A family member may warrant more attempts to help them understand, but I would take someone’s insistence that they should be able to disrespect me as an indication that they are not someone I want in my life.

This is pretty typical in my experience so I am not at all surprised by this. I have to set a boundary with a neighbor. He has hit on me 2 times now + I find myself trying to avoid him. He came to my apt 2 days ago drunk + wanted me to let him in. I said I do not feel comfortable with that.

Could you talk more about what to do post boundary setting? As I maintain some very difficult boundaries with my parent, I wonder what to say about it as I run into people who know my family. We are known by many in a small-ish community and I'm not sure what I want to say or not say about it.

I always think that if I set boundaries for myself it’s disrespecting to other people

More role playing please, this is great

Boundaries 😂 imagine having those

Sorry I fast forward over the covid Info

The roleplaying made me uneasy. I wouldn't have done so much back and forth. I would have stated how i felt upfront and then left.

Damn... All how my parents acted and thankfully Im able to put my boundaries "yah I know, but thats nothing about me", or stuff like that, I recently learned (after being therapist/punching bag to my parents at a very very difficult time, they still belittle me now but I try to put a distance and live MY own life and better understand my life/ myself and taking breaks tobe more available to do that, recoltect myself

When i recently acknowledged that i needed to set boundaries, the people who just walked over at me before (family members) are so pissed to the point that we just argue. My relationships to them is going downhill and it makes me guilty sometimes. Its my first time to try setting boundaries my whole life btw. And im turning 18. So basically, my childhood is full of people who just walk all over me.

I recently told a girl I've been friends with for most of my life that I feel like she doesn't really care about me and minimizes my fears and pain. Almost every time I've reached our to her in the last few years, she shows little to no interest in engaging. I told her how it makes me feel when she does these things and she got insanely defensive and blocked me on social media. All bc I told her how her actions make me feel. I said if she's unable to talk to me with empathy, then maybe we need time apart. She just can't be wrong and gets too angry when confronted. Just now realizing how I've been walking on eggshells around her and that she's so much like my mother 😪

My problem with boundaries is that I become aggressive when I try to defend myself and hurt others , and then later I feel guilty, especially with my family members.

Powerful advice for empaths and highly sensitive souls xx

I need to learn how to set up boundaries so that way I can stop accidentally crossing people I care about boundaries. And of course know my own.

🙌

I don't think the example here was entirely appropriate because someone who acts like the aggressor in this example will NOT be amenable to hearing about boundaries. This is actually an example of an abuser: There's humiliation, verbal abuse, threatening, manipulation, invalidation, gaslighting.... they need to GO. If that's not possible, then limiting contact where possible.

Talking to someone about your boundaries is only ever worth your while with people who are open to hearing how they inadvertently hurt someone and respond with curiosity. It doesn't work with malicious abusers like this!

You are a blessing to this earth for the suffering people, Katie.

I'm so glad you incorporated that skit. I'm quite emotional and half-way through, my emotions makes me anxious and I can't articulate myself well. And my thoughts get jumbled and it feels like I'm facing constant backlash. It can be really hard for me.

This just happened to me the other night a male friend, who I have made clear we are just friends, and have never crossed a line with, started hitting on me and getting pretty aggressive to the point he actually put his hand on me I yelled at him to not grab me like that ever again. I'm still processing what happened but I feel so violated, especially because it was a friend. I have been violated in the past by strangers and people I have known. I feel like I have no control over my own body. Boys, not men, getting aggressive with a female is never okay. Some don't even realize how it can effect a woman or girl.

I think that's one of the most difficult tasks in my life, to set and maintain boundaries