A narcissist interviews a narcissistic abuse survivor (Feat. Dimming the Gaslight)

The “you’d actually have some boundaries” then laughs was BRUTAL 😂😂😂😂😂

Forgiveness is a choice that is yours alone and need not be rushed.. I would feel angry too if in your situation with such harmful accusations. 🙏🌌Engaging interview - it will be helpful as are your other interviews to many

Did "Dimming The Light" actually deal with a wife who had narcissistic personality disorder though? Or just an abusive wife?
It seems rather harmful to go around diagnosing people with narcissism simply because they were abusive. That's like me calling somebody autistic just because they exerted ASD behavioural patterns.

Love???? I thought they wanted power. I thought they wanted control.

I just got out of an abusive relationship. I've suffered so much trauma. Yet I'm proud you're speaking up. Thanks for talking about this.

I have a nex friend that i was very close to. For a time i felt that they never cared about me after breaking off the friendship. Now i can see that we were both traumatized, unregulated individuals and i do think she cared about me. Possibly even more than i cared about her. Would i be friends with her again, though? Absolutely not. Our personalities are not very compatible with each other and we both seemed to find the other one annoying 😂

Small victories. Agreed. Works on anything really...

A person can end up in another narcissistic relationship because it looks so different in different people even though the traits are the same. I think this is the reason some therapists and other professionals are manipulated too.

I don't know the current situation, in this he said, she said saga. In this case, divorce is the logical outcome.

In regards to toxic behaviour of empathy community , have you ever heard of term “ codependency “ ? . That’s it , that’s the love dependence or love addiction that draws these people to narcissistic or other abusifs types .

Thank you for this interview , this is great spread the awareness the fact that yes valuable!!!!!

For me it’s more comforting knowing they thought they loved me but just don’t know how to love, but only after being healed
If I knew BEFORE when I was still fragile It probably would have made me go back
What she did to you is evil

The addictive pattern comes from childhood. Maybe empathy were very abused so it’s all they know. Just like the pattern how you can’t stop sabotaging your relationships because how childhood developed your brain, empaths that the same problem but the way it’s expressed is self sabotaging through going for people who will abuse them like what happened in childhood

If you guys say like one more like time like , I am like I am like ….😂

I find that when people say they have a lot of narcissists in their life, that’s a bit suspicious. It’s always the empaths that say this too. Empaths are the most narcissistic people I’ve ever met. 😂 Funny, because they confuse empathy for hyper vigilance. The dude speaking definitely sounds like he’s got a bit of narcissism. He even says it himself lol

Hyper vigilance: Hypervigilance is a condition in which the nervous system is inaccurately filtering sensory information and the individual is in an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity. This appears to be linked to a dysregulated nervous system which can often be caused by traumatic e vents or PTSD

The odds of so many people having so many narcissists in their life, is quite slim. People who say everyone in their life is a narcissist, are either a narcissist themselves, BPD or had some degree of PTSD. Once you take accountability and realize that maybe you’re misinterpreting things, you’ll stop overreacting to every slight or insult that comes your way. This is coming from a Narcissist, so I’ve applied this to my life.

I used to say, my brother is a narcissist(he actually is), my ex is a narcissist(more like bpd), my co workers a narcissist, my boss, my friends, my ex best friend in high school, etc. there’s zero chance that so many people in one persons life is a narcissist, so the common denominator was me. I think it’s like, 1-100 or so? Also, I find most women I know are inherently narcissistic tbh. Go no further than TikTok and you’ll see every single woman on there giving horrible dating advice is narcissistic af.

I think forgiveness should be directed towards oneself. If you continue to beat yourself up for staying too long, you have just internalized the abusive voices of others that you are no good. And that will stand in the way of your healing.
As for forgiving the abuser, I'd like to quote what a therapist once said: 'I can understand, but I cannot forgive'. Some things cannot be forgiven, and that is okay. You can hope that the abuser mends their ways and has more fulfilling relationships in the future, but what's done is done.
I found that people telling you what to do and quoting the bible to sound more authoritative, are often stuck in abuse themselves. Either as abusers, or as victims who don't dare to leave. There's nothing to learn from them. Move on.

My narc is such a hard person to read. 15 years two kids. Now incarcerated since nov.2022 , prior to that he was always out hanging with friends, oh yeab he just turned 38 and hes very popular in my city , hes very respected because hes so cool and layed back. But he was hardly home, he was always out making money if u know what i mean, and he literally lived a double life and i was so blinded. Because he literally would show no signs, i mean its wicked how you can really be with someone that is literally having a whole other life u have no clue about. Well ive recently seen some pics n videos on fb that really hurt me, while i was home with our kids hes out with a female and then will come in bed with me as if nothing happened. I was blinded !!! Well now hes incarcerated and wants to be a changed man all of the sudden. I told him that i could never trust him again idc how many times u tell me ur gonna change i will never believe it...its sad bcuz i was loyal never had sex with another man , he played me for so long. And now i get the last laugh bcus none of those females will even answer the phone for him lollll and now i also dont answer when i dont feel like it, can u guys imagine how crazy this narc is going in jail. Hahaha this is his karma for doing me the way he did me. Should've just been honestly instead of me having to find out on fucking social media. Dealing with a narc is the hardest situation ive ever had to deal with. I feel so damn good and so confident now that hes not around to manipulate. I can sleep well, i feel so good and he is so jealous. I went to visit him today so he can see kids and he saw me and i knew he wanted to jump thru the glass bcus i have lost some weight, i made sure i looked good!!! When we left he texted me from the jail tablet and told me how he wants to be with me and how sorry he is bla bla. And i dont text back bcus im not feeding him any supply lol i know hes wishing that he could be with me now, and it makes me feel so good to know that

I think it is naive of you to think your narcssism displays the same as others narcassism, just because you dont have a certain trait or a particular type of narcissim doesnt mean it doesn't exist. The cluster b personalitys over lap often and there are many narcassistic sub types. I really dont agree with you on this. I think its non factual with no evidence from you to back up your claim. You can only speak for yourself and how your nascissim displays, you cant talk for everyone with NPD.

How was your ex able to keep you away from the kids ? Wouldn’t she need proof that the kids were abused? I hope you have a good relationship with the kids now?

This has the same energy as recovering addicts mentoring the families who had to cut off an addict. Sometimes people who lived the life of the person who hurt you can help give you the closure an abusive person never will, because they decided they don’t want to be ‘that guy.’ I’m here for it.

As for going for a walk, it’s not good advise when someone is in the throes of depression and mental illness, but it’s good advise for some, especially more active people, when they are actively trying to pull themselves out of it. Also, for me, a hike works best. With my dogs and partner since we have bears and serial killers on the trails.

Hands down... definitely not trying to to give you juice J... but you are the best self aware Narcissist out there I've found thus far. The others ones in my opinion aren't real and authentic.
Even though I've been separated from my narc husband for 2 months...
watching your channel I've learned so much of why my husband do what he do. I also get reminders why NOT to go back... lol and I can better heal.

As someone who is currently age 20 African American male I have spent my whole life in poverty with a single mother who was narcissistic. I can’t say from the experience I hate her and wish nothing but death upon her. She ever since I was a child gas lit me into believing that she cared for me. When In reality she would always say when you grow up you have no family to take care of you, so failure isn’t an option. Now grown up I finally understood what she ment, “I don’t care about you especially if you fail”. From a young age all I wanted to do was be a great person and son but she took advantage of that. I had to teach my self everything meaning in life I learned things the hard way. For example I could never have real interaction with friends until about last year because I had no sense of my own self. When I was little my mother used to be the biggest fan of rap and because of that I was too until it started effecting my social life because of the obscene message in most of the music. The problem is I love rap music and have recently started making some for my self, but my mother when I was little would mock me for liking rap because of the stupid things rappers would be doing. She never told me why they would act or behave in such a manner only that she didn’t want me to be like them. So as a result I learned to suppress my personality and feelings because obviously they didn’t matter. That’s not they only way my sense was destroyed. I’m 90 percent sure I have ADHD which has gone undiagnosed which made school hell but also home life. I didn’t have many real connections with people at that time since my mom never showed me how to connect with people; so I was mostly in my room by my self all day. Aside from the physical abuse because I was a hyperactive ADHD child confined to the four corners of his apartment I started disassociating. Well I blinked and I was a teenager being harassed by my mother though I was in several extracurriculars had two jobs and graduated with a 3.0 gpa. She had called the cops on me several times and we’ll f her and f the police coming straight from the underground… sorry bought that, anyways I digress. If you ask what I did I fought her for the phone I paid for. Throughout high school she destroyed my social life, mental health and physical health. But then college happened believe it or not I got a full ride scholarship to Concordia university where I doing alright until I started getting depressed and wanted to take my own life, since my mother and society made it clear I have no intrinsic value. I lost the will to go to college and realize it’s because I’ve never had the support system most people were given. This is when I realized how important fathers are in a child’s life, but not only that I wasn’t living my dreams, I was living my mothers dreams and had no intention of continuing in this direction. Bottom line is the minute I wanted to start living my life my mother started threatening to kick me out and fast forward to now I have a court date because I attacked my mother at universal studios and I am banned for life, why did I do it? In the past she has stolen 10 grand from me, joint bank account, this when I was staying in a sober living home after my mother kicked me out for the first time. What happened this time is similar. She had asked me what I wanted to do for the Fourth of July and I had said nothing; however the answer wasn’t sufficient for her. So I said we can go to universal I’ll pay for my ticket you pay for yours. I said it multiple Times but she wouldn’t listen, she never listens to me. It was when we arrived at universal she tells me she used my money for her pass and I lost it. I don’t have money like that especially if she’s kicking out. She never apologize for anything cause it’s never her fault she’s always THE victim. Honestly I just wish she would have told me sooner that she didn’t want me I could have started making preparations sooner.

All that being said there are not only two ways of dealing with not being loved your correct the you can be empathetic or cold but did you consider being content with you self and providing yourself with the love you need. I’m not saying that’s easy. But when you interact with people you realize pretty quickly how hypocritical and fake they can be. The only way to survive these interactions is to set boundaries, which you need a sense of self to do. Also treat others how they treat you so long as you value the relationship as much as they do. If you care more then they do of course you will be frustrated.

If gaslight was an empath why would he say such awful things. I was under the notion empaths were extremely empathic which means understanding which means patience. Cussing someone out isn’t empathy.
Also this is why I will test the trust of the people I meet always but I suppose you live and learn.

Unfortunately something I’ve learned in life that if you want something take it no one’s going to give it to you. my relationship with my friends is awful they don’t care about me at all and I understand they don’t have the capacity to care however I refuse to let let them get between me and my happiness. I’m glad and proud of gaslight for getting away from his nex, that probably wasn’t easy especially with kids. Honestly me I would have done an Eminem: “some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge, and he had his girlfriend in the trunk who was pregnant with his kid,” but I suppose that’s what happens when no one values your life. I suppose how much is society responsible for the terrible things that happen to its members, evil prevails when good men do nothing. But we live in a society where good men get punished for doing the right thing.

That was really good advice for recovery it’s exactly what I’ve been doing and I’ve been able to loose 60 pounds. However it is difficult which is why I smoke pot. ;)

My advice for narcissistic people develop a strong friend group before getting in a romantic relationship, if your friends are true friends they will help you with your issues.

Although I personally think foolishness is never an excuse. Please do victim blame. If I walk in a dark alley in Chicago people might say it’s my fault if I get jumped for being there. That just tells me they don’t care enough to solve the issue of why crime is happening as how to prevent it. I think that makes you part of the problem. I think it’s funny a narcissist saying it’s your fault for trying to love me in the first place.

Also is physical abuse not just as bad as psychological abuse. They both can lead to physical harm. I think it’s easy to forget toxic people are people too, they have emotions and legitimate reason to be the way they are. However being empathetic could mean the destruction of everything you want to build in life. Lastly forgiveness should only be given to those who ask, But never forget.


Theses were just all the ideas going though my head while watching the vid. :)

Empaths are not receptive to toxic. Not saying people in narcissistic relationship are not empaths at the core but it sure is covered by other issues, disregulated their system. I wish people involved in toxic dynamics stopped calling themselves empaths but something more like codependents. Empaths have equal empathy for self and others. Codependent and people pleasers practice self abandonment. Which tie them to toxic relationships.

Would be interesting to have both people in that union share their side. I feel like the accusations would be very similar.

Psychosocial...

I love this interview to bits.

The hardest part of being with a narcissist for me after separation is
Some friends find it difficult to believe my story. 😢
I’ll love to connect with others who were formerly with narcissist, we understand ourselves

I’m so glad my family believed me

They saw things for themselves as well.
So they empathize with me

My now ex husband narc eanted me to sign prenup
My attorney ( who was random as i don't have one) advised me not to sign. Most of his money was inherited, therefore exempt from assets. Thankfully in ohio, ny money i came in with was mine and vise versa. However, i took a huge financial hit due to real estate transaction. Bottom line for me is if I ever choose to get married again I'm going to have a prenup that he has to pay me a certain fee to divorce because it was total. B***** no one ever advised me to protect myself the other way. I mean I lost time opportunity. He's such a pig. So it's not as simple. It's just protecting the asset you came in with. It's lost opportunity as they want to control you and they know it

Gorgeous talk.🤍

This topic fascinates me. Only recently i learned the nuances of various personality disorders. I myself enjoy a happy marriage, and never felt that there would be so many people affected. I admit that i was caught by surprise, probably due to my ignorance on the subject. At least I'm learning to understand from different perspectives.

"Did the narcissist love you?".... Can someone love anyone else if they aren't able to experience love for themselves?

It feels so good to see you two people from each side being nice to each other

Speaking of glaring red flags, I wonder how many of us have known their share of self proclaimed "empaths" who turned out to be abusers and unaware cluster B's themselves who happen to be good at fooling everyone, except those of us who can see right through it. 🤔

See, this is exactly why I think these labels are so harmful. It's all just a bunch of bs, which is why most therapists don't even use them. They're being used in such a harmful way. It just seems like everyone's ex is a "nex" or narcissist, borderline, psychopath, histrionic according to them. 😅 And of course, all of those claiming that are always magically "empaths". 🙄 I find it so annoying when people equate these disorders with abuse or assume their ex had whatever label because of whatever assumptions they've made about their ex's actions. That kind of attitude does nothing but reinforce "us vs. them" mentality. I've personally known soooo many people who've labled their exes suddenly personality disordered people and decided they're "all bad" because they were left, without seeing their own faults or contributions. It certainly does take 2 to tango. Sorry, but if I had a dollar for every actual abuser I've seen pulling a DARVO over on society, I'd probably be a billionaire by now.😢 I'm not claiming this about anyone in particular btw. I just have to say I would LOVE to know the "nex"'s side of these stories, too, which I'm quite sure could be very intriguing. I do see a very concerning pattern in society now regarding so called "false accusations" of domestic violence and SA, (false DV/SA accusations are very rare) and it's so scary, because it places very vulnerable groups of individuals directly in harm's way. It effectively silences many victims who are brave enough to leave their abuser and/or seek an order of protection against their abusive ex.

The hardest thing for a narcissist to learn is to appreciate and trust someone.

I'm sorry but 👏👏 if you do not agree with getting a prenub 👏👏 that jjst means that ur planning to take half thier stuff 👏👏 in an ulgy drawn put devorce 👏👏👏. Like it's likely a precaution to protect myself in the case that we do devorce so you do not take anything that is mine, I'll give you whatever but if ur divorcing me or vise versa I'm not gonna let you take what ever u want.

I’m just gonna to say this outloud because I rly don’t care what it sounds like to others, but anyway here goes. I think ppl love to throw the narc word around when it doesn’t fit but they don’t know how else to describe their experiences with an abusive relationship or a broken relationship due to partially their own damn fault. Like his ex’s refusal to go and do things with him? That has nothing to do with narcissistic traits at all. She could have been extremely antisocial or perhaps he was a giant flirt and it made her sick to her stomach to see him doing things that were upsetting? We don’t actually know what went on behind closed doors of he said/she said land. I’m sorry but I just don’t buy that he did NOTHING wrong and was a saint for their entire relationship or they’d still be together! Because for her to respond in such a harsh manner with taking his kids and whatever else she took away. It takes a lot to push someone to that level of self protection. 🤨 so ya, I don’t buy it. Sorry.

"You can't heal in your bed, with the windows drawn and just reliving all the moments that didn't work out"

Me watching this having been in bed over half of the day for weeks since he discarded me -_-
I know you speak truth. And I do try to get out. But it's so hard to move on. There's so much anger and sadness and feelings of betrayal. It's weird, I know what I have to do, but the fear of moving on is crippling.

Empaths tend to attract Narcissists, because we are prime narc supply. It is therefore our pattern. This is not something you ever care to go thru again, & yet there is a tendency to do so, speaking as someone whom has lived a long life with a good many of these people, & far more of them than the statistics would normally bear out. We have to own that 'something in me' is either attracting, inviting, or allowing this narcissistic mistreatment. A healthier person would have not tolerated it from the outset of it revealing itself. Empaths need to learn to put themselves first. We have a bit of a lesson here from the narcs. We need healthy boundaries & good self~care. We need to express our dislike of how we're being treated, even when it would bring about a fight. Standing up for ourselves is the start of getting out of the situation. It won't change how they treat you, & might make things worse, yet it does show you that you are on your own team. You are a bit safer to go grey rock & let them leave for better supply. However, taking the initiative can be an empowering move. Friendships are much more likely to have the abused partner leave the abuser. We don't have children or houses or other ties that make it more difficult. It can be nearly as crazy~making though. Prayers for our success!

"Give them an inch & they'll take a mile."

Amazing ! I just find you as you can imagine not by mistake 👍

My nex needs EVERYONE to love him. Like literally tried to get me to agree to be in a poly situation

Narcs ARE abusive. If they're not, THEY'RE NOT NARCS.

the speaker is right when I think of people with NPD I absolutely think of my ex. I genuinely rejoice in the narcissist suffering. I'd like to say sorry but I am not.

I do appreciate your self-awareness and honesty.

I was born and raised/ groomed by a covert type and just woke up to the whole thing at age 41. Thanks for the vids, and I agree, we can both learn a lot from each other to help the recovery process. It's refreshing to hear someone with NPD being so open about their ish.

Dude I literally am going through something similar

My dogs name is jacob and hes a narcissist. Hes a husky.

Reciprocation is huge.