When You Can't Remember Childhood Trauma

"living in a vacuum..." "lack of connection"

My memory is more spotty. I can remember most of the customers on my paperroute (age 12+) but I have very few memories that take place in the public rooms of my house but few memories of any but intellecutual memories of interactions with my parents.

Why do Americans hate their parents so much? Is it a problem with your society that you have so much family breakdown? Have you thought of maybe looking to other cultures in Asia and Africa where maybe you can learn what it means to have strong family ties and commitment? Maybe it is your American way of life which is all making you all so mentally ill?

Ive been in therapy since i was five i never said anything bad about anyone for fear of not being believed and it would just get worse if they thought i lied because i was the scapegoat for a lot of things so it was already an uphill battle for me to ask for help since it felt so lonely with little to no emotional help or again not believed and zero feeling of safety and attached myself to whoever i could . i could easily be a mother or look to you to be a mother but i don't know how to be an equal.

I have a lot of blank spaces from my childhood. Blank spaces that stand out the most is when i was being hit and yelled at. I remember some instances,vaguely, but i dont remember when i was forced to take showers... I completely black out.

This video changed my entire frame of reference. My damage became proof of the inadequacy of the system.

There are certain events I know my brain blocks out intentionally for sure.

Personally, I think it’s best to not screw that stuff, especially if you were in a good place.

This is so helpful. I’ve always wondered why my brother and I have a lot we can’t remember from childhood.

Is it possible to consult with you on the subject? I'm not local. But I am American.

Very on point video. I have always found it strange that I do not remember my childhood at all. I literally do not remember more than 3 memories before I was a teenager. After that I remember a lot, mostly bad or frustrating or just wanting to not be there. It just seems odd to me because most people have clear memories as a kid and I cannot remember anything at all.

thanks! you're right

I wish I could forget. I have zero good memories from growing up or from marriage. Every memory is stained by something that spoils it.

I have very little memories of anything.
It is a black void.

This is so true and so me. I have almost no memories.

i can’t remember anything before high school 🤪

My father is a narcissist and i think it had affected all my memories because he was essentially gaslighting and controlling anything we remembered or thought using propoganda or by threat using traumatising examples or by retreating from conversation makkng you feel like a ghost talking to yourself

Forgot it was my birthday this year. Got upset when someone brought it up and I don't really know why. I don't remember much of my childhood, likely due to my ADHD and PTSD, but I've become so accustomed to over exaggerating what memories I have left so people won't ask about the details. I wish I could remember. I had a pleasant early childhood. I hope that one day I can remember .

I had residential instability. I’ve moved 51 times in my life most of those during my childhood. I went to 15 different schools. I can’t remember big chunks of my childhood. I’m not certain anything happened but feel the moving was a torture within itself.

I'm thankful i can't remember when I was a toddler, cause i know my sepfather was abusive towards my Mom.

I don’t really want to remember them. That part of me is dead. I’m an entirely different person than I ever was as a kid or teenager. If I could kill every remaining memory from my childhood, I would.

The only part of high school my high school years I remember are the breaks 9recess and lunch0 and the happy moments like when I moved school, my friends etc but I don’t actually know what I did any other part of those 6years - I don’t even know what my potential trauma was I just know that somehow I ended up as an adult with depression, anxiety, layers of self-criticism, and much too high expectations for myself and no one else

Yeah I don’t remember 95% of 3-15

How do you go about finding someone you can trust with your past and thoughts…. What is someone is having thoughts of being no longer here on earth and they are afraid to talk to someone licensed?

I’ve been struggling with having few memories of childhood. I thought maybe it was because I was just stupid. I have only discussed it with three people none of which could have had the insight to be helpful. This video explains so much. Disassociation feels correct. Thank you so much Patrick! I feel like I am allowed to let go of the importance this not remembering has had on my life. Going to breathe, going to cry, and going to be grateful for being able to release some of my confusion. This is truly life changing.

I forgotten many parts of childhood and have just moved on

This video came up in my feed. I swear source energy KNOWS what we need when we need it. I have blocked out so much from my childhood and early adulthood but thought it was just me! Thank you for what you are doing to help heal the world. ❤

I first started getting memories back from massage therapy. Then Brainspotting helped connect memories with emotions and that helped greatly.

I grew up as the scape goat. I'm not going into details, but growing up I made myself forget and as a teen drank it out of myself. I know the family dynamic I endured. I didn't understand it all until I was almost thirty. You do not need to remember it to understand what happened. You actually ecplained to me in another video a situation where I got into it with a teacher for wrongfully punishing another student. I projected my mom onto her. I've also done it in work settings. I was called crazy by friends when trying to explain this. Luckily I have a wonderful gf who witnessed it in family gatherings and understood it without me explaining it. I've been called selfish by my young nieces or nephews when they were 8. Made no logical sense. Anyways I experienced enough mental trauma for an army beforr I entered high school. I was a pathetic mess in my teen years and at the time I hadn't the slightest clue why but lost all my friends. I'm mid thirties now and because of the incident where I was called selfish I was able to figure this all years ago. I haven't even been in the position where I could go no contact but 2020 honestly healed me. It taught me the world is full of idiots and their opinion is self destructive in itself so their opinion of me is irrelevant. Lost friends over it who thought I was crazy. Realized the elite did the same thing to us my mom did to me. Nobody believed me. Used to it from the bs I lived with and was systematically punished for simply for existing within my family.., only I didn't rwalize I wasn't the problem until around the same time. I thought I was dumb. My mom sent me to sylvan. I was the smartest kid there. I had a speech impediment as a kid, the feeling of being misunderstood never went away. Years later before of 2020 I know these other people's opinions don't matter. I've used a combo of retaliation and throwing in the towel btw. Lose ether way, doesn't matter. Eventually you have to learn to separate yourself mentally from the situation and try to not react. That doesn't mean become a door mat. It means choosing to not their BS effect you. Letting go of the need for their approval. They're not gonna give it regardless. Let it go. Find happiness within. Stop projecting misery onto yourself because someone else thinks you're not worthy. 2020 taught me I am intellectually superior to my family. It also taught me their opinions don't matter because of this ether. I don't look down on them, but I also know they don't know any better and their inferiority complex will be passed down into one of the kids and the other will have to try to make sense why everyone loves her sister more. It's like they're so programmed to be this messed up they don't get it and it's easier to pretned I'm the problem. I know I'm not... I didn't know anything about this disorder until not long before that... I never would have guessed I was projecting my mom onto people who made angry btw, but that was totally on point. Interested in what else I did because my mom is out of her mind so I could leash out on her. It's like my mind split in two and whatever part was left with child hood memories died so I could live.

I feel like I am engaged in forensic psychology. Clues. Single details. Freudian slips. Stories my siblings told of their childhood. It's fascinating. I don't have many flashbacks.

I wish my therapists I’ve tried throughout the yrs were as good and insightful as you ❤️

i remember everything when i was 2

i remember everything from the time i was 2

My sister did not remember her childhood….but I remember almost all since i was two and i just seems like yesterday and im 61, i have adhd

Thank you for this informative no BS video. There is much empty content which leads you in circles. It feels like this video is to help more than for subs and likes.

The feeling of being robbed of a decent childhood i find the worst and being filled with rage because of the injustice

My therapist pointed out i had a fear response when i started crying while talking about something. I did not realize it was a fear response. He said he had not agendas but that i might want to look into that and think about it. I was able to uncover a ton of trauma that I had forgotten about. It has been really nice to understand myself (way) more and begin my healing journey. I started therapy roughly 10 yeears ago but this new therapist just several months ago and I finally feel like I am actually starting my healing journey.

I appreciate the videos and find them very illuminating.

One of the first videos I watched from Patrick triggered a bad memory I had not recalled in 50 years. I think I'm postponing my healing because I'm afraid of the darkness I have to walk through to get to the other side. 😢

I can remember things from when I was very young at 3 years old and some from younger I also have suppressed memories

This is such a relief to hear that remembering all of it isn't necessary to heal. I have a really gross feeling partial memory that resurfaces frequently and makes me wonder why there's a blank, which leads me to suspecting even darker things. And I get stuck on it, even though there's a boatload of other known, obvious trauma to be tended to. I don't need to know those details to know I was never given the things a child needs, treated as subhuman, and set up to struggle immensely. I wasn't even physically safe. I know enough to know my "parents" will never meet my needs. Healing isn't in their hands or in some foggy memories, it's in my choices now.

The only purpose of the shame is to keep us quiet. It feels shameful to discuss the fanily outisde of the family, or INSIDE the family 😂fml

ACAB

I have a ton of very early memories, as far back as 3 at least. They’re all not good memories.

I spent like 3h daily trying to remember . And now was trying to memorize on categories stuff bc of my previous therapist .well i feel relieved a breath of fresh air

You are really describing my family!😢😮

I remember telling my mom i couldnt remember anything before about 4th grade. She said, something vague like thats not good, end of “conversation. What could she do? She was so abused herself—by my dad & hers… she was an only child. She had no one supporting her either, until college, which she had to drop out of after 1 yr. Pregnant. To marry dad… shes 89 now, he’s dead, & shes been horribly emotionally neglected & manipulated by my brother (who kept me from coming to see her or help)…whole family of wackos…😢

I have never felt so seen,,,

Thank you! I’ve been through years of therapy and still grapple with wondering if my childhood was “that bad.” I survived but I had a lot of difficulties raising my kids and having romantic relationships. So I go back and forth wondering if it really was bad or if I’m making it up.