Relationships with Enneagram 8s

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I have never understood my husband’s attitudes and behaviors so clearly. THANK YOU.

All you 8's out there read "Cant hurt me by David Goggins" He's gotta be an 8. It's a great book. ❤ from a 9w8.

I have often justified doing things that aren’t in my best interest and with full awareness of doing it because I can. It’s an exercise in freedom

8w7 here and I normally don’t comment on videos but my guy you hit this one outta the park. Well done.

As a 4w5 sx i adore type 8s and love their uniqueness in the traditional type 4 way lmao

Healed 8 here - I would actually say that words of affirmation is what we THINK we want when we are unhealthy, going into our 5.. we want that quick gratification of reassurance but it confuses our partners because we like it for the first few minutes but then reflect if the actions and the words match up.. and then we get mad at the fact that we feel lied to. I use the enneagram to talk to friends about life a lot and my friends who are 8's that believe they like words of affirmation that is a shortcut for me to be aware of the fact they may not know themselves as well.. because it always comes down to the fact that we(8) really only watch actions. IF you are an 8.. keep up the good work of healing, it's such a hard journey but MY GOD is it worth it..

This was so accurate that it was spooky. It's like someone followed me around for a lifetime.

Great analysis

I'm a 1 but so much of 8 describes me! I heard someone once say "a 1 is just an 8 in chains." That's me in a nutshell.

This was excellent. You tell it like it is. Are you an 8? You explain how a difficult childhood with an absent father made me so tough and intense.

Wow you described me really well.

Scary accurate

Needing intense trust ,,, loyalty or lack of ,being the thing that hurt me most , my intensity in love and regular communication,,and using anger as a response to negative feelings ,, the urge to protect my family , I could go on but spot on for almost all of it

My husband, an 8, often describes interactions in terms of winning and losing or not letting someone take advantage of him, when there is nothing remotely competitive about the interaction. It’s never a good sign when he says he’s bored. Holy cow, the “provoking the partner to see how tough they are.” Oof. I’m a 9, by the way.

Spot on, good analysis.

I've always felt closer to someone after conflict. There's rawness in conflict, even if it's ugly, and the other side promises clarity. That being said, I'm also quick to move on afterward and don't really know how to handle the fallout. My moment of awakening was losing friends over these confrontations and realizing my behavior has consequences. As hard as 8s can be, it hurts when your closest friends see you as a bully.

Words of affirmation are nice, but I need to have an intense level of trust in the person to believe them in the first place. I only really seem words of affirmation out when I am feeling stressed/insecure.

Wow. You literally know me.

good work. entp 8w7

You nail this shit,Man ✊🏼💜…. Im Enneagram 8- Life Path 11 … Mom died when 9yrs, father went into depression for 5, then disappeared…
Im getting to understand all of this and grow..Thank you.🙏🏼

I love ALL your videos. Informative, succinct, without unnecessary fluff. Your videos about 8s have helped me understand myself, my motivations and why I react the way I do. Your videos about the other types help me understand people through their personality lens. It has helped me immensely in business and personal life.

Hands down, you have the best enneagram personality type videos.

Wanted to say I am a solid 8 bit words of affirmation feels like my love language. I think mostly because I am always the person creating disruption then the person that accepts that loves me, likes the argument and will say they agree and that I’m righteous in my argument.

My Oh My - my former 8 partner described to a tee. Thank you for this info as I can better understand why he seemed so “wild” to me. His thrill seeking energy and obsessive hobbies were boundless 🎉and it really wore me out. It’s true to know oneself is to be free.

Thank you for doing this video.

I’m brutally and intensely invested in my homemaking and child rearing. MY goal is to make a haven for my family and raise up incredible boys. That’s where my intensity comes out. I am fully, consistently, all heart poured into my homemaking. I make a tiny income, my amazing 7 provides my life. I love being home…I’m a strong 9 wing:)

It's as if you were in my head and unpacked 40 years of complexity in just a few minutes.
Absolutely brilliant 👏
Are you an 8 yourself?

How would you feel about doing a series on the tritypes? They’re so interesting and add more layers to the personality. Would love to see you dissect those.

Damn! im an 8 and you just described me absolutely accurate. i heard about enneagram only few weeks ago and usually im very sceptical about these kind of things BUT every information about an 8 i found fits me on point and it also does with my family and friends who i told about the enneagram. its amazing

So you just made me realize not only am I a Enneagram 8 but my bf is a Enneagram 8. Let’s just say our fights are downright explosive with neither of us backing down. This really helped understand more why it’s so hard to compromise together.

Please do 8w9 SX

What does that all mean for your relationship? HELL!

This seven loves quality time—anything, anywhere and at almost anytime.

i related tons to this! love the videos, and you got quality time pretty accurate, but i also love words of affirmation, especially when they change them up often haha

You are so spot on, I’m an eight 😊

“You don’t want a bored 7 or 8 in the house because they start breaking shit.” 😂 I’m dying!!

Acts of service and quality time. Oh and if an 8 is in a relationship where they are not the breadwinner , not ideal! Haha me!! And SO not ideal lol
8.7 wing married to a 1 - looking forward to hearing about that in a future video 🙏

I appreciate your content and respect how knowledgeable you are, so please don’t get mad at my request... Would you mind not using profanity? It's so hard finding clean content these days. You're deep dive on Type 8 (an older video) truly helped me understand myself, and, I also loved that is was clean. Please think about it. Thank you 🙏🏽 ❤

All my exes can’t be wrong .. so I’m more likely an 8 rather then 7 . Arguing just for fun ain’t for everyone apparently 🤯

My dad is an 8 and I am a 6 like my mom. Boy, do the three of us have a lot of disagreements. My dad is generally more agreeable with people he loves and one of his ways to "agree" with and support me is by leaving me the heck alone. I didn't get this when I was young, so in my mind, I always thought that my dad didn't love me. My dad is also a very "if you wanna tag along, tag along, but don't get in my way" kind of guy and he's more of a discovery bloke where he wants to wing it in life (unless he's super stressed, then he will slip into deep research or what have you to distract himself). As a mainly phobic 6w5, boy, this is NOT the way to roll for me. I would like to be informed as hell. But I know that life is about informing yourself and winging it anyway.

What I struggle the most with my dad is that despite arguing being something that 8s supposedly love, my dad HATES arguments. He doesn't want his opinions countered or questioned. He doesn't wanna feel like he doesn't know his shit. I would love to argue, but I cannot for the life of me live with someone who loves to argue with others' opinions but doesn't want anyone to argue with theirs. That's just hypocrisy. The thing is, I also love arguing theory (as a 6w5). My dad hates theory. He's a practical man to the core. If he hears me talk about anything theoretical, he'll just shrug his shoulders and say, "Well, up to you."

lol when you said "feeling in control and feeling safe are so intertwined" I needed to pause because my first thought was: "Wait there is a difference between these two" 😂😂 as an 8w9 I can confirm

I would love to see a video regarding differences between males and females with any types. Because in my experience, the 8 woman isn't that obvious because we are often tought to dismiss our Aggression (although it's there).

Sp 8 here
Acts of service mean a hell of a lot, followed by quality time and then words of affirmation. Gifts is last, whilst they are nice and appreciated my wants are usually things I can only attain myself, not be bought.

Sooo accurate!!! 👏

This one helped me solidify my confidence that I am an 8 and not a 5 or cp6. Awesome work. I highly appreciate your natural talent in conveying the message of each type. I am forever grateful.

Great video! Thank you for sharing!

The bridge analogy describing compartmentalizing was a great "ah ha" moment for me. Thank you!

Actually, I'm a hard 8, and words of affirmation is my number one, but quality time is almost tied with it only one point behind. The other 3 are so low as to be functionally non-existent. Just those 2 matter. If you're with me and you tell me I'm the best at something, I'm good to go.

We had a divorced 50yo retired cop in my building, who tried to be the neighborhood bully when he wasn't failing to get elected head of the condo association. His favorite saying used to be, "...my piece of s**t dad taught me THAT much..." followed by some trite lesson about how the world is hard, you can't trust anybody, and you gotta be STRONG (like him of course). One day at a neighborhood bbq, he was performing loudly for the crowd. I acted interested in his story, and as soon as he used his favorite saying I chimed in, "That is SO true, those childhood traumas shape our whole personality for life." He sputtered and said, "That's not trauma, that's a fact." So I said in maximum empathetic tone, "But you said your dad taught you that lesson. It sounds like beat and traumatized it into you. That's VERY difficult to overcome, even WITH professional help." He sputtered again, and he was too dumb to realize I was doing this intentionally to shut him down. While he stood there trying to think of something to say, and our neighbors braced themselves for an explosion, I segued into talking about veterans with PTSD I've met in my volunteer work, many of whom actually had PTSD from childhood before they even entered the service. Every time bully-cop tried to talk, I'd weave the word "childhood" into my response. I never heard him mention his dad again, and he barely acknowledged my when we passed in the street. I ruined his whole practiced tough-guy routine by making it sound even to him like the hurt-little-boy talk it was.