10 changes (you might not love) that TRANSFORMED our tantrums!

I don't comment on things often, but I just feel so validated in my parenting watching this video. These are all things I have done and help me and my toddler get along. And really enjoy our time together. Of course we have our moments of meltdowns because that's life. But I'm just glad to know I'm doing something right and doing something that's written in books and other people agree with. ❤️

Today I felt that I was getting triggered and I said, “I’m feeling frustrated.” Then my 2.9 year old sang me the song from Daniel Tiger “when you’re feeling frustrated take a step back and ask for help.” Then I asked HER for help and she WAS HAPPY TO HELP. Got that tip from the Angela Santomero book “Preschool Clues” she created Daniel Tiger’s neighborhood, blues clues, super why… those shows always ask the a audience for help. Little kids are natural helpers. My daughter has learned so much from Daniel Tiger and so have I, as a parent, modelling Mom and Dad Tiger. We play out the scripts often and sing the songs in relatable situations.

So my daughter is 22 months. And she’s in the stage of throwing everything. How do you handle that without losing your cool?

Also, where can you get the visual timer at?

Also love the book hunt gather parent and the book how to raise upright kids in an upside down world by dr. Ray

Is telling your kid germs are bad guys going to cause them to have OCD around germs? Idk just thinking out loud here 😅

Hiya is great! Started them in the summer before my first started kinder and he just now got sick instead of right away. I’m giving the credit to the vitamins because we’re hermits and aside from his therapies, we’re not around a ton of people lol. He’s picky about food, taste and texture and he loves these! They remind me of the old school flintston vitamins. By that I mean there’s a hint of a hint of the flavor in them lol. But they’re great, easy to chew compared to the hard gummies and got my 2 year old daughter to start taking them and she always signs more after eating hers🤣

I literally do all these things and they work 60% of the time 😅

THANK YOU! I have been pulling my hair out with my 2.5-year-old for months now! I started my motherhood journey out with all the best intentions and it was all going well until about two months before my second baby was born. I don't know what happened. It's like my son just changed from one day to another. At first I thought it might just be a transition and I dealt with it fine. But then birth and the post-partum phase and having a new born..... I have definitely lost my patience and screamed at him too many times 😢
For months now I have been running in circles trying to reel him in, all while having a baby attached to me in one way or another. He yells so much because that's what he's used to from me now 😢😢😢
I cry so much, wondering if I have ruined my relationship with him...

I will try all of these because I want my sweet little big boy to know and feel that I love him! And I want to re-open our line of communication and be gentle and caring with him again!❤❤❤❤

My 2.5 year old toddler was whining and crying and screaming at me as I was trying to put away groceries and I took a breath, ready to lose my mind on him, and instead I asked “bud, do you need a hug?” And he said yes, my heart literally melted.

Loved, loved LOOOOVED this. ❤

Look up the "physiological sigh" and teach it to your kids. It's the fastest way to lower the heart rate and bring you back to a state of calm. Also an amazing tool for parents

Say what you mean!!! 👏🏼👏🏼

These are all good! I like saying "I'll wait until you're ready." This is more of a pre-tantrum strategy, but something about it works 9 times out of 10 in under a minute. Probably because they feel like they're in control then.

This couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you ❤

This is so helpful. Thank YOU!

Mine's almost 2. In addition to trying most of these, another thing that's worked for us is a short, easy explanation of why something is happening. For example, she refuses to take her shoes off. I'll say, "Shoes are for outside. We don't wear shoes in the house." Sometimes it's that easy. (Sometimes it's not, haha, but worth trying). One more, I find she's more likely to cooperate if I appeal for help. If she refuses to put her jacket on, I'll say, "I need help, I need to put your jacket on to keep you warm. How can I do that? Can you help me?"

Random Q but where did you get your vest?!

Love this! My son is almost 2.5 and just starting to get into the thick of some tantrums and very sassy talk. There are often big shifts if I give him a hug and say I’m here what do you need from me. Hope that could be helpful!

Loved this video! Any advice on tantrums when I leave the room? My 13 month old is super clingy at home, when i move out of the room she will be hysterical. Will telling her mommy will be right back and validating her feelings help this stop?

After a meltdown my daughter was still upset but enjoying a juice while resting.. and then started saying "** I'm crying, *** I'm crying" and all she wanted was people to say "I see you I know you're crying" all it took to get her to move on 😊 she's 3.. I also give her the option to take a break, which for her means to go into another room and scream, this is lnt enforced or a time out its just an option to go and have her moment away from people of she chooses too..

Love your parenting book recommendations

One thing I discovered that works with my almost 2 year old for transitions is telling him to say “bye bye, see you later” to whatever he’s currently playing with. Sometimes he’ll even blow a kiss to it too. Instead of me just picking him up and taking him away from the toy / play area.

My 14 month old laughs when I say the word "No" so...love that for me. 😂 Love these suggestions! 👏

My little trick with my 1.5year old is to set my alarm with a cool Disney song that means its time to get ready to leave for daycare/preschool. He loooves it, hes so into it he runs to get his shoes and jacket and bring me my shoes 😊. So nice to have all of your tips in one place! I have been practicing at least half of them 😁

2 years and some change over here. Acknowledging is so helpful with emotions, too. Naming the feeling for them, or now I ask if he is sad or upset, that gives them an idea of how to handle it. My boy actually came over to me one morning that I got frustrated and teary over being later than I wanted to be, he said, "Mama's sad, let's do bubble breaths and a hug." So cool to see him recognizing and having a strategy for those feelings. We role play with stuffed animals having different feelings to get more practice, too.

And you definitely hit it with predictably. It sets up a comfortable space when they know what is most likely happening next.

This is super helpful! My 2 year old daughter has a strong preference for me over my partner, and she has a meltdown when my partner wants to put her to bed or feed her(“I want mommy!”) and it’s like she cant hear or process any other thought till I come in and take over. Any tips on how to handle this?

I absolutely appreciate so much how you've been big on how we can work on OURSELVES to help our little beings and situations. Not constantly blaming the little person learning for "just being a toddler ". You're approach helps me much, and gives me ideas how look up other advices to guide me to guide my children ( 18 month, and almost 3 year old). Giving choices and giving myself ALOT time to get out the door helps me insanely . I do follow your other advices (when learning them from your podcast or was already doing them) but these 2 I would recommend to anyone... oh and SNACKS!
My issue I'm having now, that no matter what I try to do, is when he wants to leave to go for a bike ride or walk, and I say no (because i need to do something outside) just keeps at it. I try choices , playing, involving and simply going back inside but he's so stuck on going he just runs towards the road or throws a tantrum. I don't usually seek advice like this on any social platform. But I'm so desperate for any ideas or advice. I'd be very thankful for some help from someone 🙏. Keep being such a positive ,amazing momma! Love your videos, huge hugs!❤

My child is 2 1/2 and something that works when I start to feel frazzled is to softly sing one of her favorite songs. It helps keep me calm and I feel like it helps calm her because if Mom is calm enough to sing in the situation then it can’t be that bad!

My first one is emotional 3 years old right now and it’s been really hard for me; my second is 1 and the determined and she’s so wild but the emotional is much harder for me

A book that has helped me so much is "good inside." It is a parenting book and the psychology helps you with any relationship too. (the most important tip is that everyone is good inside and that thought can change the way you approach other people)

What age can you start using a timer? These tips are so helpful, thank you!

Recently watched a video where the mom, in order to help her daughter take some deep breaths, said “Smell the flowers, then blow out the candles”. Implemented that with my toddler and it is crazy how it helps deescalate a tantrum💁🏽‍♀️

One thing you "totally missed" as you told me to say..is REPHRASING (better still, injecting playfulness with it) instead of INSTRUCTION that really helps my strong willed 3 year old. Instead of "Please put on your shoes.", "Your shoes are saying I'm hungry hungry! Give me your feet, feed me feed me!". From gently asking to meltdowns and FRUSTRATIONS when I try to "help her, when I do that, she smiles and almost runs to do things. More examples, "Shower head is saying, let me wash you!" "Toothbrush is saying I want to get into your mouth!". I think playfulness is underrated in parenthood. It's HARD when I'm tired and getting annoyed with whining but more often than not, it HELPS!

I agree to say YES more but from people who are wondering, what if I REALLY CAN"T in the moment. "Mama, can you play with me?" while you are in the middle of cleaning up after lunch. Instead of "No.", "Yes! I can't wait to play with you after I finish cleaning!" then use the timer 😊

We do a lot of things similarly and I love to be reminded or all these things. You do SO well with staying calm. I find that the older she gets, the more I forget that she is actually still REALLY young and my patiences seem to be A LOT less. Just a reminder..our toddlers are still babies! Brains not fully developed! BIG hugs to all moms! You guys rock!

Definitely watching this now while my son is 4 months old trying to prepare myself for when he’s a toddler 😂🙌 Great tips! I think Raising Good Humans is a really good book for this kind of thing too 😊

Young 2 year old son here.
Whenever he just skips to being frustrated and whiny trying to get my attention, I take a knee. And he stops complaining and almost laughs at how easy it was to get me to listen. And I explain on his level what the deal is (I’m cooking, maybe play with your legos?!?) and it’s like over. Usually. But getting eye to eye is huge.
Staying calm cannot be overstated either.

I have a 2 year old. What has been helpful and worked well for her is my husband and I remain as calm as possible. Almost robotic. We affirm her feelings but put up boundaries. We sit with her until she's ready to calm down. She doesn't do well with being by herself or ignored. Once she is ready to calm We hold her and let her cry and calm down. Once she is calm we acknowledge her feelings again and talk her through what happened. We hug and kiss and it's over. Just being there helps her knowing we are a calm safe space for her. I think you're number one tip is what is most helpful for us with her! She's a really emotional intense child. Thus has helped us to calm the storm as quickly as possible.

First of all I want to say thank you very very much!!! I will try all of them. We are all having the toughest time of our lives with my 2 years and 3 months toddler, who is not just entering the terribles 2 but also became a big brother 3 months ago 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

One of your best videos ever, so succinct, helpful, and absolutely true!!

You rock so much for putting this good energy and information into the world!

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

My daughter was the one that needed to be alone to have a tantrum and then she’d come back in a better mood. My son who is 2 is a whole different person. Sometimes he needs to be alone and sometimes he needs a hug and guided breathing. We’ve started using a visual timer for bedtime and it’s helped so much! He also has a picture chart to do list and at the end of the day he moves pictures from to-do to done if he did them. He likes doing that with dad.

I would like to add one that I find works very well with us. When denying them something they want, or trying to get them to do something that is needed (like not eating too much sugar, brushing their teeth etc.), say it calmly and explain the reason honestly. Sometimes I may even use words or concepts that they don't know yet, but it feels like they understand your intention is good and appreciate you took the time to explain. I have a 1 and a half and a 3 and a half and this helps a lot with the older one, not yet as much with the younger 😊

LOVE this video! Thank you! I have an almost 3.5 year old and I do most of these things but was a great reminder and seeing what works for someone else.

Love it!! You’re always giving the best practical advice Shayla!!

Thank you for this video! So many helpful tips 🙏🙏🙏

Super strong willed 3 year old here. I second acknowledgement! That's the BIGGEST but currently as I stepped up, my challenge stepped up too.

Currently having a rather hard time with almost zero time for myself due to my husband being on crutches and unwell. My girl wakes up upset most days. Then she screams to be carried but when I hold my hands out, she will run away and say no carry and when I walk away to do something she will scream and cry carry and it’s just very triggering and exhausting. When I try to carry, she will say “just one hand!” And then “the other hand!”, yes!, no!, I want a toy!, I want a toy!. And by then I am so frustrated, I will say “I’m counting till three and if you won’t let me carry, I will go make breakfast.” Followed by HUGE screaming meltdown. If I give her what she wants, a toy, 2nd toy, 3rd toy, somehow she calms down.

I noticed if I become playful, it usually ends quite quickly and stop it before it begins but when I am ALREADY exhausted, it’s SO triggering. Anyone experienced/experiencing similar toddler?

It ALSO helps that I STAY calm but IT'S. SO. HARD.

I have a 2.5 year old and she definitely responds to different tactics depending on if it’s me or my husband there. With me, getting on her level, asking her if she wants a hug, affirming what she’s feeling and offering a solution to whatever is triggering the tantrum usually works. My husband can’t reason with her on the other hand. It never works because she won’t even listen to him lol. What he does that works (for now) is do a random silly thing—like break out in a silly dance—to get her to focus on him, this usually distracts her, she stops crying and then he can talk to her. 😅

🙌 🙌 Understanding your kids individual personality. There is so much merit behind the 4 general personality types! The toddler whisperer uses a different name for each, I am an advocate for the "4 temperaments" (Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholic, Phlegmatic). But in a nut shell, dated back several hundred years, personality can be characterized by these 4 different temperaments! Typically, every human is considered to have two of the 4, a primary and a secondary.
Learn yours, learn your spouse's, and learn your children's, and 90% of conflict in a home can be resolved just by understanding each other!

Love these!!! So hard to be calm. Definitely involves taking care of ourselves first which is one of the hardest parts of being a mom.

My advice to prevent tantrums is not to just say "don't do x,y,z", but to give an alternativ along. Because when they do something their mind is set to do this now and it is difficult to think of something else.

I love your videos ❤ I always take something away to try with my daughters and try to demonstrate to my husband.
I would love if can you so a video about getting family on board... grandparents, spouses (older generation)

I noticed that when my little isn’t well rested he’s extra tantrum prone. Great tips and I definitely need to slow down and allow more time more often!