COVERT Narcissists: Everything you need to know (Part 1/3)

Unbelievable how I lived through this for 7 years and survived! Almost 3yrs out and have rebuilt my life but still mind blown. Everything you saying is spot on ! First day I met him he told me all the soppy stories of his life, ex wife & dysfunctional family of origin.

I find this description confusing. I saw another video dr ramani did more recently where she differentiates between covert and vulnerable narcs, which was very clarifying! This feels like a mash up.

Empaths, snap out of it! Become a doctor, nurse, firefighter, paramedic, animal rescue technician, and so on. Those are the only ways to save a person or a critter. Volunteer. Remember: you can't save anybody from themselves.

And don't be fooled by age. People in their 60's can be narcissistic assholes. It's a durable trait over a lifetime.

I think there is not a pure narcissist. My experience leads me to conclude she was a hybrid creature. Covert/grandiose/dismissive avoidant. None of that stopped the love bombing, the purpose of which was to have a sexual experience for a while. The MOST important advice: do not be alone with a new person for at least 3 months. Set a sexual boundary and tell them. If they start pushing against it, that's called disrespect. They won't stop there, either.

My husband is this 100% it’s very difficult because I knew there was something wrong for so long . Been trying to leave for years and he always pulls me back and repeat…

Iv found these types to be very dangerous...n most resentful....
There soul is severely wounded...but they have a choice to change & heal ...or not

I am extremely thankful for this clear description of my relationship with my husband. I now know the why’s during my marriage with him. 😢

A lot of this CNs are simply depressed individuals.

When I was a teen I got sucked into a covert narcs game by his victimhood. I 'rescued' him from his abusive family, with dramatic late night rides to his house to get him out. I'm empathic to a fault, I felt bad for him and was impressed by his smarts. I thought I could heal his childhood wounds, imagined or real. It took me into my late twenties free myself of him. He isolated me so much from everyone (we even moved to another contintent lmao) that the way he treated me became normal. I was just miserable all the time and became suicidal. He hated me going to therapy. It took another person to look into our relationship from the outside (a new friend I made at the time through the internet) for me to realize that what he was putting me through wasn't normal. Thank you Dr. Ramani for validating what I went through. I feel like you described exactly what I experienced.

How can i contact with you?

Just realized after this video that my dad is a covert narcissist- no one likes him at all, and I lost friends in the past due them getting into arguments with my dad

I thought i was marrying a BP-Disoreded man. But looking back, he was so covert narcissistic that i think he had both.

I had signed up for BPD willingly, but not narcissism!
And the worst is that i keep questioning if I was the bad guy, if i was the narc, if i was the things he accused me of being, if he really was the victim he claimed to be, if he really was trying as hard as he claimed, and on and on goes the doubt.

But he was overwhelming, jealous of my son, belittling to me, and the finally straw was his resort to violence. The control and manipulation was so insidious - looking back, i see it was ALWAYS there and it was in EVERYTHING.

One of my core values is personal autonomy, free will. And i not only respected but encouraged him in his... but he shut mine down and stiffled mi e all the time.

I felt sorry for him and i see now that i had a puty-filled love for him. A sick love. I definitely went in as the rescuer... and when i tried to changed that dynamic he would use many manipulation tools or outright attack to try to get the status quo back in please...

Dr Ramani, you have saved me, over the past 2 months, i've watched your videos at random and they've been so affirming and calming to me. Every time i have been tempted to contact my ex (covert narcissist) for some kind of closure or friendship, i have watched one of your videos and it's stopped me from making that HUGE mistake. I could be interviewed about my relationship now as im so clear on it - it fits into every single one of these 8 patterns. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos and for your expertise. My therapist during the relationship did support me to stay in the relationship, and to continuously take responsibility which in this case was not a good thing at all. Luckily I indivisualised during a work trip for 5 weeks and his true colours were clear to see - this was after 20 exhausting months of being together.

omg minute 12 ... he would never want to do something in a group. one year, always just the 2 of us. he knew I would like to socialize more with my or his friends (never met his friends btw, now I know why). so he manipulated me with it. he would have problematic conversations with me for hours, pushing my buttons like crazy. and when i would finally crack and cry or scream he would say something like: "look at you. how could you ever meet my friends or do something in a group setting. you would flip out infront of them and you would embarass me."

Cover narcissist was created by the real narcissist

I am having trouble understanding....my husband was a manager and retired from the service, so can a covert narcissist also be in positions of leadership making a good income?

As a narcissist myself, I LOVE that this video is about me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 jk

Describing my ex, and this is just part one 😮

I am confused because the narcissist I know is all of those things except they like socialising and they are charming - they turn it on for people who don't really know them.

Well. That pretty much described 70% of us, didn’t it? In such enormous range of “symptoms”, it’d not be hard to notice that you, yourself, is a shark as well.
And here I thot I was alright... 🤦🏻‍♀️

Wait a second... my sister isn't "covert" ... she's pretty social! Lots of friends and a FB FULL of pics of her with them and always showboating situations.

I know i’m commenting on 2 videos back to back but i’d pay for a 15 min. consult to hear what you think about my situation.

the more I listen to this the funnier it all is.

So who else just found out that they are a covert narcissist?

Wanna know how you are a covert narcissist? I literally asked myself, "Why aren't people making videos towards narcissists to help them, why do they always talk about narcissists in third person?!" Ask me how I know. Why me!??! What about me?!??!?

So I think my journey looking inwards at wtf I’m doing that results in disaster just might be this. And if indeed the case, now the sabotages I’m able to absolve and resentment gets converted to remorse.
I understand the condition tends to need a lot of work and I’ve been doing a lot, but never had been tuned into this being a possibility. Unfortunately, if you are cursed with this personality type I would encourage you to listen to these videos in the shoes of being told you’re that type of person and all the horrific things about you, but also realize that you had no clue all those experiences, emotions, feelings, etc. felt the bona fide and legitimate and fracture or and then just like that you’re given Pandora’s box that tells you actually you did all that stuff. You were just too far disconnected from yourself to even recognize it but yeah you’re a really terrible person and you did a lot of terrible things to a lot of good people and you’re so stuck into yourself.
They are to make a covert narcissism for potential covert, narcissist video that leads with compassion, rather than heavy, Young Thug, judgments, and distain . Or perhaps I don’t have personality disorder because I’m oblivious to my behaviors and how they’re coming out but showing remorse now that I can see the similarities. I’m not a diagnostician, so I have no idea. I’m just putting that out there and sorry for any typos.

I feel like most covert behavior I see comes from mutable suns or moons.

I am trying to educate myself on covert narcissism (and on narcissism in general). My question might be foolish, pls excuse me, I have a lot to learn. I would like to ask if narcissism is more like a spectrum or it’s a category? So is it possible not to experience each and everything mentioned in the video but the other person is still a covert narcissist?

I've gone through C-PTSD, i do showcase these symptoms but i don't feel I'm a narcissist.. Do these overlap?

Nailed it! Thank you Dr Ramini

Empath is a narcissist. I agree with Vaknin. Otherwise this is good

Rescue. Bingo

Covert to others, overt to me: the narcissist. I'm done with the drama.

AND NARC MAGNATS FEEL " SORRY" FOR THEM

YESSSSSSSSSSSEW

As it goes only God can change people. Do you think you're more powerful than God.

My father in law nicknamed my Eeyore personality narcissist ,
“Mr. Sunshine!”

So, its funny that she mention not having to do something because your too good. Welp, when i was in college, i could have tested completely out of music theory, but they only let me skip ahead 3 semesters. Why could i do that? i took 4 years of music theory in high school. I already knew the information. So im having a hard time parsing out my narcissism in that situation because i literally was too good, well not "too good", i just already knew the info. Also there was ear training classes too that i should have never had to take. The teacher was teaching intervals (the distance between 2 notes) and im sittin there telling her the exact notes shes playing because i have perfect pitch. Sometime it isnt narcissism, sometime your just over qualified or you already know what to do or youre actually that good at what you do.

Hit the nail on the head. This describes my ex to the T . Almost scary how accurate this was. I used to always say after years of being with her, it's always something lol

This video was the tipping point, that finally explained the massive misfunction with my wife at the time and her behavior. I finally figured out to escape her clutches, divorce her and for the first time in 13 years, I feel happy and have begun to heal from the abuse.

Covert Narc is the one you should becareful for. The truly Narcissist

Yes, I was always the rescuer I could clean them up and they shined in everybody’s eyes. Take me away, and they find out who he really is.

After the divorce, I realized how much I made him shine because I was always correcting him. Always doing the right thing when he wasn’t, but it looked like he was. So everybody thought he was a nice man. People would ask me, why would I give up 20 years of marriage. I would say, “Yes, why would I if it were that good? Why would I give up 20 years of marriage?” I could see the wheels turning in their head and starting to think differently when I said that.

Is it possible for someone to have both traits of covert and grandiose narcissism? Or is there another video that may touch upon this? Thanks

sometimes I feel like a narc. Listening to this.

This was exactly how my ex was

My Narc is so covert he’s not even vocally argumentative. His highest value is “kindness” and he weaponizes it.

Yep. Just had a wake up call!

This is interesting because I’m pretty sure my narcissistic ex wife is a covert narcissist but she is charming and has good social skills. She has generalized anxiety disorder and every you said is true about the characteristics except the social part.