8 Reasons You Don’t Want to Recover from an Eating Disorder

Thank you for this. I am currently in recovery. I wanna get rid of feeling so bad and guilty all the time but at the same time I am terrified to lose my sense of control. I feel like my life will fall apart around me if I let this go. It's funny because my ED has already taken so much from me I'm not sure how much there is left to take. At this point in my life everything is about my ED , and I feel like I'd almost have to start from scratch in terms of my career, relationships, and living situation. It truly makes me question sometimes if it is worth it when this feel so much more comfortable. xx
I know you say to find other coping skills,

What if you do not want to live anymore. I been hurting a lot last few years.

To anyone who might need this : you got it. It is worth it. You are worth it 👑

I’m not diagnosed with an ED but I do know that something is wrong with me. I started hating my body and age 6 and I stopped eating as much as I had used to. But it got really bad when I was about 10. It lasted 2 years and I finally tried to get better, alone, after I had passed out for the first time. I am now 14 and it’s coming back, but worse. I’m only eating one small meal a day and then I go and throw it up after. I exercise in my room for hours on end. I want to eat so bad but it’s like I’m being physically help back. I checked my weight today and I lost 4 pounds in 2 days, it made me feel so good about myself, but I know it shouldn’t. I can’t talk to anyone because I’m terrified of anyone knowing. I have no idea what to do.

I've been everything from restricted eater, bulimic, binger. Don't want to pass on obsessive behavior to my daughter. I'm 52 now. While i don't purge or restrict like in past, I'm still dealing with body shame and getting used to a different shape. Learning self love is a lifelong educational experience.

this video was helpful. thank you. I have a problem that I cannot eat anything; sometimes I'm dying of hunger and feeling ill from not eating properly for days and it usually happens when my depression comes back and I could not find a treatment for this anywhere. any info I can find for ED is for people who wants to lose weight not vice versa. thank you again, I should push myself more and eat whatever I can get my hands on so my stomach doesn't always empty. I think it comes from a childhood chronic traumatic experience. we would fight a lot when we were eating i remember that.

3 years into my “recovery” and I still don’t want to let go. Some days I want to be safe inside my ED again. Where nobody is truly aware of what was going on and I could maintain my life without interference and “policing” from my family. I wish I could take back the day I explained what was happening. None of them truly understood and still don’t. I am not sure I have anyone I can trust. I even quit my therapist because I stopped being honest with her. I hope everyone else can figure it out and get better though ❤️‍🩹

At this point everything in my life is sbout ed. One thing I discovered very late in my life us that unless u get the actual it will never go away truly, one tiny hint of emotional distress, before i knew it i was already relapsing. I rnvy people eho can just eat normally, their life isnt oreoccupied with thoughts of diet restrictions,picky choices, body issues. They are able to do it as s normsl physiological process. To live like that for atleast a day.
I look at myself and feel skinny aftr extreme starvation and restriction end up binge eating thet too food i dont even like particularly the next day i would have gave already gained fee kilos in my head even when ik it a long road ahead. And then end up starving myself for the next week
I just want to live a normdl life.

Thank you for this lesson. I thought you did an excellent job of explaining eating disorder while showing much compassion and genuineness in your presentation.

I've never had a healthy relationship with food, but it escalated 5 years ago at 12-13. There hasn't been a day where I didn't look in the mirror without disgust and self-deprecating thoughts. I've always been 6-9 kgs bigger than my peers cuz food is a way of coping for me. After I got into arguments with my parents, they always tried to gain my forgiveness with money and I mostly spent them on different food. This cycle continues ever since I've turned 13. I go on a diet, control what I eat out of fear of gaining weight. Then after 4-6 days I give up and binge eat compulsively. I instantly blame myself and start a strict diet again, sometimes even get rid of those fresh extra calories in many different ways.

I’ve been anorexic with exercise addiction for 49 years. Anyone feel like recovering is awful I never do anything now and am so uncomfortable in my body I feel like recovery for me is awful

Such a powerful and important video, even one year on. Thank you

In recovery here, I would typically eat 900 to 1,400 calories a day and exercise intensely (2 hours a day) on top of that. There was a point in time my body was barely functioning due to it. A main reason for me is that when I would attempt to eat a full meal, I would sometimes get extremely nauseous or would unintentionally throw it back up. It's getting progressively better, as my stomach is still learning to adjust to normal amounts of food. I used to be a heavy-set kid as well who was bullied relentlessly by peers and previous romantic partners, which is how I fell into my eating disorders. Teenage me thought she would only be loved if she was thin, which as a married adult, I've discovered is far from the truth. I'm trying to shift my focus and desires with eating more towards the possibility of gaining actual muscle mass in the gym. Despite years of weightlifting, I can't help but to wonder how muscular and strong I could've been by now if I ate more and didn't have such restrictive and disordered eating. Much blessings to everyone else out there recovering, we've got this one day and one step at a time 💛

I've given up trying to recover.

Tw
My ed isnt even bad enough to be considered an ED tbh. And everytime i try to recovwr by eating well i get called fat by my parents and get called off for eating food from the fridge. I've resprted to hidnh food under my hed in case i really need it. But so far i starve till i go very hungry. I suspect my case is because of food insecurity and my moms obession with diets and excerise i saw at a young age, plus my dad depsising my mom for being clubby i think super skinny means good.
Ill be honest im just 38kg at 4ft 11 slightly underweight but because i look so much like my mom round face wise my dad calls me fat... and i tend to look "cute" which i dont like.

I really wish my ed was bad enough so i can get proper love ❤️

The reason i dont want to is ive only lost 2.5kg im still fat

I feel humiliated because I’m open about my ed and I’m scared to recover because now that I’m skinny and my friends have seen me this way I don’t want to gain weight and have them see me fat

Thank you for the videos. Recovery for me has been awful. I was anorexic with exercise addiction for 40 years. Now I have way overshot I keep eating am depressed don’t leave the house as I know my illness is deadly but this is awful I haven’t smiled in a year and am developing health issues from all this food. Just horrible. Hope that’s not triggering. At least before I was happy

I am frightened that if I start to recover that people won’t believe that I had one to begin with and I was making it up for some reason. I also won’t believe myself that I ever even had an eating disorder.

You kind of look like an Melissa McBride, take it as a compliment<3

I found this video quite helpful. However my problem is that I feel like I’m happy, even though my ED makes everyone around me miserable.

What about ,not eating to feel good? I feel euphoric when my stomach is empty and i try my best to not ruin that feeling, …i want to recover but this weird feeling is addictive somehow,please help

I’m 53 now and started this at age 8 started with mom saying she would always be thinner and prettier than her. If I ate she would say you will get fat. I do eat but the guilt that comes along with it. The body dysmorphia is horrible

This is very useful thank you so much ❤❤❤❤

The worst part is u can’t tell ur parents cuz there the reason why u have one in the first place

Thanks for the tips

I haven’t engaged in eating disordered stuff for a long time for me, in this time I reconciled with my dad who I used to hate, I finally apologized to people I thought I’d never see again, I got to know my brother for the years of his life I missed, i no longer set my death date. But the urges are coming back, it is so easy for me to consider going back , Ive been feeling so tempted the past few days. I feel tied between two sides but I know I’m biased because I just want to go back but I can’t go back but I might go back. This is hard, this part is pretty hard

Everything she said is so true and I do currently live and am learning to come out of an eating disorder..Was bulimia for years and now I am a "spitter' at times. I restrict and all the same lies still go off in my self thinking just like most who have an ED. However, instead of just calling it out or educating oneself or others, those who are IN IT need hope and the only real hope is spiritual first. Once we see ourselves loved and accepted by our loving Creator Jesus, we will always have inner turmoil and search out who we are in very destructive ways. I am getting there and I've been a Christian for over 30 years. This is a very strong battle that one MUST really want to be free because it does become a friend so to speak. A friend who isolates you and slowly kills you but the enemy never tells you that's the plan. Anyway...one step at a time With the LORD and retraining our mind out of all that horrible comparing self talk...There are demons who will attach themselves if we let them. Wanting so much power and control over our body or weight is idolatry and the devil loves that! Please Lord open the eyes of us all to see how much you love us and how we all were fearfully and wonderfully made for your companionship first! Blessing to you all!

One word . Validation

I think the fear of most people with anorexia is to binge if we eat. Its not the fear of getting better its the fear of binging...

thank you for this

What do you guys think about a teacher raising their voice at you when they are trying to get you to eat?

You made me feel understood i was thinking lately why I'm holding in my eating disorder so much why i like doing this to myself yes I'm afraid of losing control gaining weight not recvering cause i can't seem to choose recovery without my ed comin back but i will try my best

Opening up to family but they are so ignorant that even when they are literally told about this and the risk they are still encouraging ED behaviors ^^ like commenting on body shape or weight and they didnt care to stop even if they are literally told to-

Got help but the waiting time needed for referral is a few weeks and I feel like I can do a lot during that waiting time lol...

i've never resonated with anyone so much before. this is literally calling me out. my psychologist is kind of stereotyping my ed. i feel like i'll never be understood by him. i really want to switch to a therapist or maybe another psychologist. but my parents are very mad at me for my ed. it's not something to be mad about. they don't understand. i think i'll follow more of your videos and try recovering on my own with with your help. my summer break has started. i'll try to recover by the time school reopens. thanks for posting this video.

All of these situations are so relevant. I'm going through an eating disorder, for the second time in my life. I just started therapy, and was telling the therapist that if I lose the disorder, then I feel like I lose my identity. I want to get better, but I don't want to go back to be the "invisible" person I was before.

Contorl is the hardest thing for me

I lost my period bc of ana & i want to recover but ik i'm gonna gain weight like crazy. I just want to live like a normal teenager

Do anarexic people want to eats ?

For me a big part of it was being fat-shamed by my family of origin. Even if I was "normal" weight. They always talk about weight and food. I am very limited to no contact with most of them.

First 20 seconds " we know it's got good for us" ........ I think my anorexia is amazing, it brings me happiness I'm now fit and not fat and I'm pretty skinny and happy. My family now accepts me and don't hate me , people treat me way better honestly I don't see a single negative about my eating disorder

I want to recover but im too scared. I had an ED for 13 years and im only 21 years old. I don't really tell people that im still really struggling. I have binged, starved, purged and over exercised, I honestly don't think i will ever recover without help but i can't because i can't afford it.

I’m at such a tough point in recovery right now. Trying to heal my metabolism (and also an iud) has made me gain weight and I feel really uncomfortable in my body and have constant thoughts about it but i also just know that my old ways are not going to “fix” my weight gain either (not in the long term anyway) so I just feel stuck. Cant fully commit to recovery and letting go of needing to control my body and also can’t go back. I think this is progress but it feels so uncomfortable and hard

They left one out. If you've been anorexic and very thin, you're spared most of the sexual harrasssment that most women have to deal with. Regaining curves and attracting attention from men can drive a girl right back into anorexia.

I've had my ED for about 40 years. I don't see ever recovering. I relate to some of these points, though. The reality is that I need my ED. 😔 Life is scary and brutally lonely, plus, I don't want to be fat..and the ED is all I know. It's "mine". When family and people, in general, hurt me, my ED is there for me. My dysfunctional family isn't.😞❤️

I keep restricting then binging it is mentally draining and everything feels so uncontrollable. I'm scared