Gilmore Girls Gets Therapized: Talking to Teens About Sex

Hell yeah, communication is always best because without it kids will either feel Iike they can do anything and it doesn’t matter OR they’ll feel consistent shame over everything they do, or maybe even both simultaneously. With clear communication then all there is to worry about is what’s been talked about and how they feel. It removes some of the doubt and the guesswork and lays the foundation for a much more comfortable and confident love life &&& a healthier relationship between parents and kids.

It's a bit strange to me that instead of discussing safe sex, she just wanted to know "before"

I think Lorelai and Rory have great open communication that helps their relationship work so well no matter the situation. I think part of Lorelai’s reaction at the very end wasn’t just because Rory is thinking about sex but that it’s probably going to be with Jess, whom she hates.

Another really important thing to talk with teenagers is consent and what that looks like.
As a teenager I had no idea how to stop things that I didn't want or wasn't ready for. And some other kids didn't know to even ask for consent.
I remember having vague notions of consent during sex education but it was never a priority, when in my opinion it's the MOST important thing that kids should be learning about sex.

Ok, but Luke's system was funny af 😂 and he was so proud of it, too! 😂 the man had a box of random stuff lmao that had me floored

The best high school "talk" I saw on TV probably ever was Tammy Taylor on Friday Nights.

Love the channel! Can you make the sound less echo-y? Thanks!

I was with my nephew, he had to be four years old at the time, and we were talking to my neighbor and out of nowhere he starts telling her where babies come from. He talked about sperm and eggs and all that jazz. Lol. We had a good laugh about it. My grandmother was always very matter-of-fact about sex when I was growing up but she had my father when she was fifteen and wanted to make sure we didn’t follow in her footstep.

Another part of the conversation that MUST happen is about being with someone who respects the words "no" and/or "stop" if you're not ready in that moment. If the person you're with is going to have a temper tantrum or worse, try to keep going despite your objections, when you put on the brakes, they're not the person to have your first time or really any time with. Someone who cares about your feelings and boundaries is a much better choice.

I wish I had that kind of relationship with my parents growing up. I just had my mom give me a religious book about abstinence when I started college. Not super helpful.

❤❤❤

My parents (just my mother really) taught me some values, but with no way to know what it even meant and how to ask for things or set boundaries. The only thing I learned was: it should feel nice and you should do it with someone you trust. But I didn't get an emotionally secure upbringing, so I had no real way of knowing what that looked like, and I never trusted my mom to ask questions cause during my entire life I learned not to ask questions

"If you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to know" is a great rule of thumb for parenting.

Make it less awkward by starting when they are babies. Teach them the real names for all their body parts. Then read them age appropriate sex education books starting at age 3 (favorite first books are From My Head to My Toes I Say What Goes and What Makes a Baby) then continue from there.

The irony of Lorilie wearing merchandise for a brothal while having this conversation. Lol

Best video ever. So educational.

I kinda wish you reviewed how Luke handled his conversation with Jess 😂

I have 4 kids and all of them have received various talks from when they were young in various degrees of information. I made sure they understood that while the physical was important, I was often more concerned on their emotions and mental wellbeing of being physical and vulnerable with another person. It was very important to me that they also knew how to make their partner feel safe too, because while I believe that preventative measures are an equal responsibility thing, so is this. I am very happy to say that for the most part, my kids (3 girls, 1 boy) have talked with me about their experiences, concerns and even some funny moments. I was even honoured to have a few of their friends come to me for advice (which I gave after I had parental consent for minors). The best moments I see are when my kids are open with their friends right in front of me and we have a good, calm, often funny conversation that helps clarify, verify and validate what they are going through. It scares me in the same moment that there are still a lot of parents out there depending on school health classes or some other manner to explain something so personal and life-changing.

I adopted a stance of just honestly answering the actual question that is asked. I've found that a lot of times adults editorialize our answers. We tell kids how we want them to feel about it whatever or whether certain things are good or bad, which isn't what they asked. If you are asked a question revolving around sex Just answer it.

My problem with the show dialog is that just because one isn't thinking about sex doesn't mean it won't happen. That's what happened to me. 😢

“If you old enough to ask” is a great philosophy until you have a kid that gets early puberty. With the average age getting younger, kids are experiencing hormonal changes before they know what to ask. Happened to me about 3 years before my peers & I didn’t even have the vocabulary to ask about what I was feeling which leaves kids vulnerable.

There are many sex talks on that show. Lane gets the best one.

Sorry to mention but its getting an echo in that room…blankets on floors and walls can help with that and are cheaper than other options.
If your changing spaces thats okay too!

What do funny for me is that watching Gilmore girls starting at 10 years old when it originally aired with my mom is what started sooo many of these conversations. It was a great conversation starter

Absolutely. If they ask. Then you answer. Its how my mom and I were.

I really appreciate that you always acknowledge those of us who are ace because that is a very under represented experience in media. Growing up, I felt like such a weirdo because it seemed like all teen TV shows and movies focused on sex and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t also feeling the need to pursue that particular experience. Especially since I was literally the same age as Rory. I remember watching this and not feeling like I understood or could relate to her urges, but it took me a longer after that to really understand why.

Off topic from Gilmore girls (which I love that you’re covering). Cinema therapy NEEDS to do war of the Rohirrihm!!

I also didn’t get the talk from my parent, however, I lived in an area of California that offered health class that gave accurate information and offered alternatives to abstinence

I grew up in an “abstinence only” household. Sure, I was taught about sex and the scary consequences, but I had to investigate and get birth control on my own at 17 when — shocker — I still wanted to have sex after all that fear-based talk. Now, at 31, I’m pregnant and want to one day be the kind of parent my child feels they can actually talk to me about this stuff without judgement or rooting the conversation in fear. I’d like to come from a place of education and how feelings can be powerful but fleeting to help them through it (as much as they’re willing to involve me). Wish you’d make a video on this!! Or if you have let me know!!

For me personally it feels extremely wrong & weird to think of or talk about anything sexual with any family members. I know logically that these are natural things & there’s science to it too & everyone does it whether you wanna know about it or not… but idk when it comes to family I’ve always felt like a deep part of me is haunted knowing they’re involved with it & it try to think about that as little as possible, & I can & should go to literally anyone else to talk about sex. The fact that you would ask your dad ANYTHING???? I personally find that strange & inappropriate….? Is there no where to draw the line when it comes to this topic between family members???

The lack of education in the States was very confusing to me when I spent a year there after graduating. In the EU, we have designated classes in school with age appropriate levels of detail and the science behind it (hormones etc) in primary school, 6th grade as well as in 8th or 9th grade. We were raised with the "better be safe at home and use contraception" than "experiment behind a dumpster". None of my friends had their first time before the age 15/16, many much later. Yet in the States, I was babysitting a 12yo with strict rules about not engaging with her regarding those topics, but the things she talked with her friend about (things they do in school bathrooms) was quite concerning, especially given her astounding lack of understanding how to avoid pregnancy. (Her dad teased her about liking pickles and that she must be pregnant and she got pale as a ghost and scared)

honestly have always respected my mums approach a lot, simmilar to your dads she made sure we heard stuff from her so we knew stuff, tbh i had a pretty good idea of what sex was from when I was about 4 or 5 because I liked science and was an early reader, but she made sure we knew about protection, about consent, when we hit puberty we were talked to about the options for birth control based on both pain relief and when we were teens we could still ask if we wanted it for the actual birth control properties. I actually turned out ace funnily enough but having that knowledge helped me figure things out and feel comfortable in my own skin, and honestly having a lot of decent safety knowledge also meant I could look out for my friends if their parents weren't so confident in giving them the talk. Regardless of if you engage in it yourself, sex ed is important because you will inevitably meet people who Are engaging it, and also you are a human with a body that youd do well to understand no matter what youre using that body to do.

I find it very exciting that in America this topic is made much bigger by parents than here in German-speaking countries (Europe). I'm now in my early 30s and it was very lax here. It was quite normal for us to start taking the pill at 14 and to spend the night at a friend's house. It was always strange for me to hear how strict American parents are in return. Nevertheless, we didn't have any pregnant teenagers. Quite the opposite. The birth rate is falling drastically and I don't know many people my age who already have children. But I really like what you said in the video and I especially love the way your father told you about that topic. I also think it's very important to educate people about consent, as many have already written here in the comments. Great video!

You won't learn much from me Jonatha, because we seem to be on the same line of thinking. Most things you say reassure me that I can be a good parent, should I become one.

My initial reaction was that I felt Lorelai should’ve offered more guidance and advice (protection, consent yadayada). Then again, my own mother bless her was always very ready to jump in with well-intentioned yet unsolicited advice whenever I came to her with something vulnerable. And sometimes that overwhelmed me and caused me to not tell her things I wasn‘t ready to be "lectured" over. So maybe keeping the initial reaction as low-key as Lorelai did is a good call, though I do wish she’d circled back to Rory at a later point.

The book shelves are empty and the sound is very echo-y... that's the first thing I noticed in the video just so you know :)I hope you're ok! <3

Positive that she can talk about it, but negative because it has the air of "if you have sex, it's bad". This has never been a very sex-positive show.

Malcolm in the Middle has one of the best “talk” scenes ever between Malcolm and Lois on a long car trip. I’d love you to cover that one (and that whole show in general, there’s SO MUCH there!).

Sex was not a taboo topic in my house. There should have been boundaries in regards to it (as it was no big deal when my father caught me & my ex fiancé doing it on the living room floor) but because my father was open about him being a womanizer, men often lying to get sex, how awkward it can be especially with the wrong person, STD’s he contracted in his lifetime from unprotected sex (one being genital herpes), it resulted in me being the last one of my friend group to have sex despite being the “boy crazy” one & the person people always go to with questions or to relay their stories to about sex to this day.

There were many struggles in our relationship, mainly because I was referred to more as his roommate than daughter, being treated like his best pal. But because I had no issue going to him about any of the “taboo topics” when something really bad happened in which I was both scared & ashamed of, he is the person I immediately went to. And remained that person until he passed 3 years ago. I will forever be grateful to him for that ♥️

Side note: Jono, is Rory supposed to call Lorelai every time she is about to begin making out with Jess???

She knows that Rory & Jess have make out sessions, just like she did with Dean. And Lorelai had to defend Rory with Max by saying “their teenagers, they can kiss a little”

Omg I can't wait for the follow up video for when Rory actually has sex and the follow up conversation with Lorelei 😂😂😂

I saw you recently had a video about Paris’ relationship with Jamie & I have a request:
Could you do a video about Paris and Asher?

Though the relationship is mainly played for comedy, if you watch them when he’s in the hospital… I wonder if you would call his behavior manipulative. Lorelai and Rory have an interesting discussion as well about age gap relationships due to Rory’s awareness of their situation.

Also because you’re a man of taste, I’d love to hear you presumably fanboy out over Michael York!

I know this is about parents talking to their children about sex, but if you want to see a good episode of a boyfriend and girlfriend talking about sex, watch Daria with her boyfriend. There’s a specific episode dedicated to it.

Most teenagers don't want to share their thinking, ideas or questions about sex. And it's difficult to not only find the right words without hearing "eww mom gross", but to chase after a fleeting girl. That's how I remember my mother-daughter dynamic was unraveling. Like I would be the one always trying to "talk about it" and she would always try to avoid this talk. I mean it's going to be awkward no matter what

When I was about 13, my father took me aside and said, "You know where babies come from, right?" I said yes, and he said, "OK, good." That was the end of the conversation, and that was the only time either of my parents ever talked to me about sex.

I’m so glad that Jonno had that experience with his dad. I have also never met anyone whose parents were even remotely that cool, mine included.
The night before I left for college, my dad awkwardly said to me, “now that you’re in college, I just want to make sure you’re prepared…with protection and stuff.” He looked me dead in the eye, like we both didn’t know that I’d been rolling up at 5am the summer before my senior year, having been out all night, only coming home in order to give him a ride to Labor Ready. I’d been on the pill for a year by that time. He waited until the absolute last minute to acknowledge it and I still laugh thinking about what could possibly have compelled him to say anything at all. Dude was not equipped to parent the willful kids he raised, but I love him.

Could you do a video on the enmeshment between Lorelai and Rory?