Wild West history be like | 4chan greentext dub

Second Tuesday of the week?

East coast history: “Cornelius Figgletips established a trade town in blueberry county which later became New York City”
West coast history: “Dirtfucker Joe’s famous duel against Willy Handjob began when he rode into the town of dickweed at cumguzzler gulch on 3 pm on a Sunday, passing over Willy’s favorite rabbit chucking spot. This caused Willy to challenge him to a duel at 4 pico seconds past evening cock-twirling hour. When the duel started, Joe’s condition of being blind in both eyes caused him to shoot behind him and kill 17 prostitutes before being shot himself in the pinky toe. He died of aids the next minute. Willy Handjob soon gained fame all across duckcuckler county before dying 2 days later after the kakawichi tribe shot him 14 times in the head with arrows made out of cow wishbones.”

I love hearing stories from my grandma (92 and still kicking as of this post) her dad, my great grandfather would run timber and cattle out west during spring and summer and he would retail her with all types or stories from the tail end of the Wild West.

Bro tried to calm down for a second or two, but the moment the thought crossed his mind mid-laugh, it was over.

Blood Meridian plot be like:

(As was local custom)

How did I only now notice “second Tuesday of the week”

One of the lesser know Marty Robbins hits. It's no Big Iron but it has its charm.

They say Jesus Smith had a bounty on his head of $1.25
(a huge sum at the time)

That is not how syphilis works...

looool this dreadnaught's paint job is ANGRY!

Arakraw- more like Arakw-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~ Amirite fellahs?

Middle Eastern history be like:
SULTAN AL-HAFEED AL-SHABARNE ABBAT conquers the nation of HABSBEHAD-AL HASHIR, causing EL HASHISHIN AL-FIRHABALASNARHU to sell 40 wives to 40 kings respectively, establishing the HEDJDJRJTIDIEIWEBRJDJAAMANDBF AL HASAD dynasty.

It took me embarrassingly long to bat an eye at “second Tuesday of the week”

Correct. As is American tradition.

For those unaware, the 11th Hunkpapa Rebellion was a military conflict that took place between January 1888 and October 1888 between the United States Army and the followers of Jimbo Hunkpapa, Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson of Gibson Hunkpapa. This conflict began and ended after Jimbo Hunkpapa reportedly drank 7 casks of beer and went into a drunken rage for 9 months straight, gaining a following of alcoholics and anti-prohibitionists.
For 9 months the US army and Hunkpapa’s forces traded volleys from the bar Hunkpapa had reportedly stolen an additional 17 casks of beer from for personal consumption to shake the hangover he had recently accumulated. After a long day of both sides trading several volleys of cannon fire, Emmanuel McCoy, a young barber from the local militia managed to breach the bar and attack Hunkpapa, managing to desecrate his well groomed beard with a straight razor.
Having lost a great source of pride and rallying cry for their forces, Hunkpapa’s forces all suddenly seemed to succumb to general exhaustion and die of liver failure within the hour.
Hunkpapa himself managed to evade capture yet was killed when farmers mistook him for a Chupacabra and fired several shotgun shells at close range into his chest.
Legends say that Hunkpapa’s beard is buried somewhere in Arizona with the 15 casks he stole from the bar and was unable to drink.
Emmanuel McCoy was commended for his sevice by way of an artillery salute, in which 17 of the 19 guns were accidentally left loaded and fired into the crowd, killing hundreds at the ceremony and forcefully amputating both of McCoys arms.
Thank you for your time to acknowledge this lost region of American history.

What i find funny is that his laughter sounds an awful lot like his Skaven voice, leadong me to believe that his Skaven voice is not entirely an impression

Is Dreadanon the Great Horned Rat? Yes.

"The second Tuesday of the week"

Wait, this happened 1888, but Jesus Smith went into history, quote, "in 1896, the following year." Time passed quickly back then, huh? Had room for two Tuesdays in a single week

Half-Chinese Jesus Smith (The Native Raping Dandy) would unfortunately meet his end to Colonel Jarrell Moore of the United States Army (an American Civil War hero who had single-handedly committed every war crime in the barely 1-year-old Geneva Convention on a Confederate battalion and snoo-snooed every single one of his victims’ wives and female relatives) outside Fort Los Diabetico.

Wasn't expecting the skaven voice in the outtake lol

(as was local custom)

We need more of these Wild West History narrations. They're comedy gold hahaha

The only parts I didn't laugh at were the ones that mentioned rape

What a banger

As a person from South Dakota I can confirm this was taught in hour history classes

You know “Half-Chinese” Jesus probably wasn’t Asian, chances are he was nice to a Chinese labourer once or ate some rice and people were like “what are ya, half Chinese?”

As an American... yeah, pretty much!

- half-chinese
- Jesus Smith
😂😂😂

AYEOOOO THIS MAN LAUGHS LIKE A SKAVEN. GET HIM!!!!!!!!!!

Blood Meridian summarized

Ah my ancestors doing me proud 😂

Why did Smith single-handedly rape so many when he’s the one who still had both hands?

The rape of the arakwa tribe was truly a dark piece of history

How many tries did this take?

i'd go back to this video everytime just for the outtake part

"2nd Tuesday of the week" How did I not notice this...

L U M B A G O

I got another old tale from the wild west
It was the summer of 1889, and cock-blocking Cody was heading on down to the small town of Balljuice. He headed into the local saloon. There he met one fatass fergesson. Fatass fergesson had diabetes, which Cock-blocking Cody made fun of him for. Fatass fergesson fergesson then challenged him to a good old duel, though his lungs nearly collapsed while saying it. They went down to the town poop bucket and took turns shooting at each other. Fatass fergesson could barely take gun out, while the earth crumbled beneath him. Fatass fergesson took ten bullets due to his sheer girth, but cock-blocking Cody went down after he bent over to pick up his gun after he dropped it, and was shot through the ass. In the end though, the lack of insulin was what killed fatass fergesson. A witness to this great duel, poop-eating Peter decided to travel the country as a gunslinger. He met his end when his horse kicked him into the balls and he tumbled into the river, where beavers ate him. The various diseases he had contracted spread to the beavers, causing the great beaver extinction of 1891.

"McCowy was shot in the toe and died of syphilis in the next minute."

IM' FUCKING DEAD LMAO

The image of an angry marine in a dreadnought wheezing is the greatest thing ever

Me and the boys head in to Pissdrinker Alley

"2nd Tuesday of the week"- LMAO I just got the joke here

@DreadAnon GREETINGS HONORABLE BATTLEBROTHER. I need song from


Catachan Shadow Garden Dark Chaos Pack | Warhammer 40k meme dub

I will post this comment on a few videos but that good for you anyways right? Emperor protects.

This reads like tf2 lore💀

Remove all the punctuation and you've got Blood Meridian