Adult Children Narcissists - The Scapegoat

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I was the Scapegoat and I never escaped.

Once my father had beaten the will out of me, I became very compliant. A perfect people pleaser. Voided out to any needs or selfishness.

I am the youngest and when it was my turn to leave, my mother begged me not to leave her.

My Dad was an abusive alcoholic. I had always been the one who protected her from his rage.

I took the beatings.

And so, I stayed.

Which enraged him.

I finally moved out, married, pretended to be normal...

But, soon enough, Dad passed. Before he died, he told me to take care of my mom.

And I did. And have.

And so, here I am, 17 years later.

My Golden Child older sister rages because now I'm the "favorite." Even though she has gone about her self-absorbed life and never has to worry about mom. She somehow imagines that caring for an aging parent is akin to a slumber party.

My mother begs me to never let my sister be in charge of her. Ironic, since she in part created the entitled monster that she's turned in to.

My Lost Child brother is just as gone as he's been since he turned 18, when I was 12.

I received all of the drunken, rage-fueled beatings and all of the neglect... and, now, I'm the parent to the mother who neglected me and never protected me.

It took a near death experience at 39 for me to see truth about my mother and family. My entire life I was codependent on my mother. I hated my life cause I did nothing with it even though I’m very intelligent and I wanted more out of life. Im 42 and im a grown man who felt like a child most of his life and now I went no contact I have to learn everything after letting go of alot of limiting beliefs. Im free and healing but struggling so hard just to survive. I just want a win. My entire life I felt like I was drowning never getting ahaead. I’m tired but I still have hope. But I deserve win a breakthrough

I see this in our adult children, they are attempting to be the only influence in our grandchildren's lives so that the parents are the only ones the children love. There is jealousy when the children have friends other than themselves.

My younger brother was the scapegoat and I would try to protect him for many years and let him know I loved him. He also moved out at 16. However, he grew up to be an angry narcissist and we are estranged now. He has done many things to hurt me out of anger and envy while I took care of our ill parents. Once they our parents passed his abuse was more intense. Very sad situation. I’m now in therapy because of him and our parents. I’m not sure what our situation would be actually? Still trying to figure things out at my age. He took all my family support and only away while caring for our mother with dementia. They are all his flying monkeys. I was the glue until I lost my oldest son, then my dad a year later and his attack’s started. Very selfish and sociopathic.

God please assist me in moving out and moving on.

Hope my sister wakes up before losing herself completely.

It's spot on, it's almost scary 😂 My whole childhood I had a plan to get away. I had a great teacher who believed in me in elementary school, I'm not sure I would've survived without him. I got hospitalised before I could escape, only thing they did was try out pills for half a year. I was adopted into this awful family, but no one saw it. Everything looked great on the outside. Except the SH, they didn't even seem to care in the hospital when I was there. I'm 28 days No Contact and I have people I trust. The next is to find a new therapist, someone who understands this. I'm trying to shed the mask I grew up with, the way I protected my true self from being hurt. I'm trying to get to know the real me who's been hiding for so long❤

My mother also has a Golden Grandchild. The eldest daughter of the golden child. I watch from afar and am glad to be out.

Thank you! That was heartening and encouraging!!!! 😍👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏼

I find a lot of truth in this as the scapegoat whose older sister and mother were narcissists. My sister has grown up to be a narcissistic Machiavellian psychopath.

Because I was victimized by the corrupted sociopath governments and became a global scapegoat, but the public kept silent because their illegal research and misconduct gave them free money and benefit- healthier& wealthier but instead losing humanity, conscience!! Imagine what such society look like!! No one should not make money from the victim's suffering, pain, loss of life, loss of human right, loss of body ownership-, That is common sense.

Next time you should research of "How to look like the sociopath's brain cell activity " and "Nurture socio or nature socio from the Socio family" because Sociopath is so dangerous person for society
They cannot feel other's pain, emotion, suffering, so they are east to be serial killers. Please research about it!!

Great work, thanks!

Uncanny….I thought you were talking about me….glad to know I’m not alone…..and also sad….🙁

The worst part is I am highly sensetive. My right brain hurts and my left jaw cracked inwards. I have chronic fatique and be workaholic to survive. I would rather die as to be me. I hate it to be me.

I was chosen as the scapegoat because I was the truth teller and extremely sensitive.

The left overs in the fridge are more valuable than me for my parents.

71% of Children Killed by One Parent are Killed by Their Mothers; 60% of Victims are Boys

Is it possible for the adult children of a narcissist to have a healthy relationship? I am the scapegoat. I have been no-contact with my parents for 13 years. My golden-child brother and I limp along with our relationship. Recently, though, I have realized that this relationship does not serve me very well. I am always there for him, and he turns to me for help and advice as needed. I believe he loves me, but subconsciously (I hope) still treats me as a second-class citizen in my own family. He does not keep up communication unless he needs something, leaves me out of many plans, and, most painful, when pressed, will admit that he "doesn't know who to believe" between my narc mother and I re lies she tells him. I finally realize how much pain, frustration, and sadness this brings me. I have tried to address it, but he first claims not to know what I mean, then becomes belligerent, and then ignores me. I do not want to allow abandonment like that in my life anymore. Is there any hope for our relationship? Thank you.

My mother was the Narcissist and there is my sister, me and the youngest only male - my brother. My sister the oldest was the scapegoat. My brother was the golden child who also is a narc now. He has not spoken to me and my sister for 19 years. My sister still deals with loving herself and her obesity she was picked on in childhood.

There’s no hope, don’t reconnect they get worse. My brother assaulted me when I returned & my mother didn’t intervene she likes violence she views it as a strength however insane.
The black sheep is the golden child in my family.

Thank you for this! So interesting.

I'm an escapee! ... but having looked at your video, also, I'm wondering if it didn't take me so long to be free because I was also the Golden Child, at the same time. I suspect that my mother was bi-polar, with very intense feelings and a very intense need to be validated. She needed me to be close and and me to back her up all the time, to the point of abusive controlling episodes when I tried to live my own life - and muddling it all up, she had some really wonderful attributes and we had wonderful times together. In any case, she sort of ignored my brothers, both of whom suffered for that, and resented me for it (one still does). They are pretty much still unaware of her dark narcissistic tirades with me - I always protected her, I covered for her, as part of the deal. Co-dependency, I guess.

Therapy is absolutely essential. Thank you for your generosity!

I had boundaries they got crossed regularly. The issue I had was not being allowed to express anger that was dangerous to me.
I had to learn that as an adult. I used to freeze or hide

Most times the healthiest and anointed family member

Wow, this was a really uplifting video.
I'm a former scapegoat who went "no contact" & got into therapy.
It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Thank you!

I was ex golden child turned scapegoat later in life but my brother is the original scapegoat and I can see him do this inner critic crap to himself but he has succumbed to his self doubt and has become full blown cluster b emotional and verbal abuser of women and children. Now he wishes to be rescued by my codependent sister who has done nothing but keep him small. He hates me because I’m younger yet I have done more in the last 10 yrs of my life alone than in his 50 on this planet.

It's very encouraging what you say about the potential of the scapegoat. I have seen one who turned out to be much more clear-headed than the rest of the family, and then left them behind to become successful, recognised and happy. Some of the other family members still hate her, and they nearly all (pretend to) ignore her. What really helped to set her free was the kind of knowledge that you impart in this video. Thank you!

Scapegoats do not have difficulty with trust. That ability has been beaten senseless out of them. Like when you take a iron hot rod and apply to the apple of the eye, one cannot see after.

I wonder how many scapegoats end up as narcissists themselves....almost all of this applies to my older sibling who now is showing signs of NPD

Hello Darren, thank you for your video.

I just wondered if you regard there to be a connection between a child who is primarily in the role of scapegoat and the development of traits or a full diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, as they grow up?

💗

Boom.

My life has been......like looking through a prism.....one time you see this, another time you see something else. It's taken many years to "partially" understand my older brother and my mother's relationship. I still don't understand why there is such a tremendous focus on "looking good" to outsiders - my father was a very independent man, but so vulnerable to other people's opinions. Strange. Contradictions in contradictions.

They called me crazy and paranoid all my life because I wasn't okay with what they do and my intuition said it's a bad behaviour

I think I have BPD, but it's hard to get seen in the UK for mental illness, weed helps for me

Some of what you say about parental alienation and issues with trust and closeness..the fear of being abandoned yet again is so basic to a lot of adopted people. Some of the most tormented and abused people I ever met came from horrific adoptions full of abuses and dysfunction. It's almost frightening to be in their presence but the need to listen is far greater so I have listened to these folk talk about man's inhumanity to man or woman. You are rare to say things that describe these people who didn't have to die to be in Hell. This isn't about war scenarios per se. This is what mirages as Real Life. Listening to your apparent understanding of the dark side of adoption and how hard it is to find someone who gets it...and to hear these things even so it's long, exhaustively long in finding, nice synchronicity. Many blessings to you for helping someone reach inner peace on a holistic level.

Thank you so much!! ❤️

So now I get why my accomplishments were reassigned to my sister and those stories spread in the family. Years later people still share and believe these lies and I appear “ crazy”

This describes me. My dad & 2 sisters are narcissistic expecially the middle, I'm the eldest and mum (dead) & I were close. Dad & I no. I've had professional help, it's an evolving and addictive as you discover yourself. Really complex cause depending on which parent I had a different role I have the hero child & the enabler, dad & my sisters the scape goat.

scapegoat here. Very accurate. I once tried to tell a therapist how awful I felt I was and he encouraged me to "confess" what I had done (pastoral counselor) and I said I hadn't really done anything; I just knew I was bad. Later married a covert narcissist husband. It is a comfort to know that I am the one in my family who actually has the capacity to change and be healthy. I'm still learning but at least I'm teachable.

This series is good. An interesting thought. There were gaps in the ages of my siblings and I always said I got to be the baby of the family then later I was briefly the middle child and later the oldest child. I was treated differently in each role. I believe I was the scapegoats until I was the eldest child and then I was the golden child. How do you think birth order plays into the narcissistic family?

Is it "right" to feel a little "normal" knowing that others have been through the same distress?

No, I don’t ever do that now. Thankgod. I’m healing and value my self. I feel none of that now. I did but to give others hope. You can grow if you go inside and find your own spirituality. I cannot believe how I have come through. I love to give love, laugh and be in the moment. I have healthy boundaries after learning to take responsibility for my own needs and happiness.

That’s me, and men have come into my life and women, I have to be on my own now. Too much. Worldwide now..

Horrible ❤️🦋🕊🦄🌹

A Rebel Without a Cause and East of Eden were enthralling movies capturing the themes discussed here.

The "inner critic" that's me to a tee. If you spend most of your life listening to her, then her voice permeates your words, you hear her voice chiding, criticising you, even though they're dead it's terrifying at times. In January 2020 I was rushed to hospital with an infection that had been allowed to worsen by the minute. It's known to have side effects such as hallucinations until you receive antibiotics. On entering the hospital in a walking state, I heard a voice I knew call out my name. I swivelled round, and there was my Mother as clear as at any time in my life. She said my name, and I tripped up a couple of stairs in shock. At that moment I truly believed it was her, alive, and it was a dreadful feeling. Within a few seconds I uprighted myself and did not dwell on her apparent appearance returned to my life.. It was a horrific experience. I did experience other hallucinations, but none of her, but I would like help to talk about those supposedly hallucinations. Those ones appeared at the beginning of my hospital stay, and four weeks later still existed until I was discharged and got home. I have not been able to fathom that out. Help !

I was the scapegoat

I came out of my childhood with festering wounds in my soul, but by the time I was 30, those wounds were healed and I did escape indeed

of course the abuse left some scares, but now that my narcissistic father has died and I'm confronted with my other siblings again ... I consider myself lucky; my other siblings are still walking around with those festering wounds; they never healed

Is it possible that the parent tries to figure out which child should be the goldenchild and which to be the scapegoat? I often wondered if they selected our roles based on which child they realized was more easily manipulated.