Secure Attachment

Your voice is so soothing

I was invisible to them until they needed a punching bag.

What about insecure attachment? Is there a Jacob Hann video about insecure attachment?

In my opinion everybody as a baby had moments of secure and avoidant and ambivalent attachments but that there is one attachment style that defines a person more than another attachment style. I can say for now I have a blend of all of them but my major style is secure attachment style becasue I have good relationships with people especially friends and my mom and dad.

The song that fits securely attached people is "I'll be there" by the Jackson 5. 🎶

Great video Jacob. My mum didnt believe in praise. How do i stop myself need external validation to make up for what i didnt get from her?

Thank you for this video!! This is so good!

look at how lucky these mthfkers meanwhile mine was depressing

I love your videos! Do you happen to have one that discusses "disorganized" or controlling attachment?

Do these people even exist?

I really want this for myself. I wish I knew how.

Dr Ham, where is the video for the Anxious attachment style?

I was told I was a spoiled baby 🤣 but as I got older my mom started to ignore my needs

Well I guess everyone has a little bit of each attachments.

my problem is not so much my parents but teachers and stuff. they never cared about my needs and i was easily labled the problem child.

Thanks for posting this!

Watching this to admire how having parents who care about you is like

Yes.

As someone who has Avoidant attachment, I will make sure my future kids will have secure attachment. I'm not making the same mistakes my mom did. I mean I love my mom. She did the best she could given the circumstances. Now I know not to ignore quiet babies.

Ummm I’m just here to learn XD

What about a child who had an abundance of attention from all family members in their early stages and as they got older became more independent, they still sort of demand the same intensity and level of attention from their earlier stages ? When the child (now 10 years old) isn’t being constantly dotted over like they were as a toddler they tend to get resentful and guilt trip the parents ...however their needs are still being met , it’s just now adjusted their age and level of independence. The affection (hugs , words of
Affirmation etc) are still present and appropriate for their age ....

Is this normal and why does it seem like an insecure attachment is forming after being the center of attention from the start of their birth?

These have been great and easily explained, can you do one about anxious for educational purposes?

Can't relate🙂

I grew up with my grandparents. They were always there for me and I always felt secure.

Ain't no way this is an actual thing wth 😟

I am wondering what the effect of masks on kids and parents will do to the kids in the long run? especially babies need to see faces!!!!

I like how you say "a good enough parent", which understands that most parents are afraid we aren't good enough.

Unfortunately the baby is not me💔😌

is it possible to say that i have secure attachment style although i dont remember being secure as a child? I feel like this security comes in after a lot of work ive put through to myself, im still working on it tho. However, because i still have mild anxiety, i fear that i might be secure yet also anxiously attached.

Thank you 👍🏻

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

This is the best explanation of secure attachment

i was definetely not one of those

It seems that I fit secure attachment style quite well. But the root cause (secure parenting, stable household) everybody uses to explain it doesn’t match at all. Has someone done a study on the impact of adolescence/young-adulthood on one’s attachment style?

Your attachment theory videos are beautiful. A great help in understanding and working on an earned secure attachment, thank you!

Is it possible to develop a secure attachment towards on only one parent? My mom often had to do house chores when she came back from work, so it was my dad whom was more emotionally engaged with me and met most of my emotional needs. I love my mother, but I am so much closer to my dad today, and feel safer sharing things with him while being afraid of my mom judging me.

Jacob. I'm a mother of two toddlers who is trying to learn more about child development. I've seen several videos on secure attachment. I can say that your video is the best - direct and clear to understand. I hope you make more videos so parents and/or caregivers like me can benefit from your excellent videos. I appreciate your work. Thanks again.

Side note: your video quality is top notch! What kind of camera do you use to film yourself?

This is my husband. I never understand his confidence. I have ambivalent attachment.

I feel so lucky to see this video and learn from it. I totally agree with it, it is so clear and exactness to explain about secure attachment. It guide me about how to treat my child and my children in my work. Build self confidence is the most important thing for a child, and let children feel secure is the basic and most important thing to build their self confidence. Then based on it, children can grow up with both body and mental healthy.

what if we had secure attachment growing up but then a traumatic event happened and caused anxious attachmentt :/

I have an avoidant attachment with my parent but I made sure my kids had a secure attachment with me.

All I want to say is that “it must be nice” 😂

It was actually healing to watch this.

I remember as a kid, I had cried a lot.
I wanted my parents attention but instead was threatened to “shut up or else I’ll throw you in the dumpster”. This is why I struggle with speaking up or expressing my feelings.

Can innate problems that babies and children have override even the most attentive care from parents? Like things that the parents can’t help them with

Yes, let’s face it: the world is unfair. The kids who got secure attachment will be more liked in the future because the grow up to be warm and pleasant because they feel loved since they were born into this world. While the ones with insecure attachment, experience even more rejection when they are getting older since they grow up to become not as cheerful, somewhat distant and aloof, keep people at arm’s length.. because they never experienced warmth and being soothed during their childhood. They grew up become very self-reliant. I am very proud of people who survive insecure attachment during childhood. For it surely not an easy one, as myself have experienced. No one really know what’s going on inside and acknowledges the difficulties but you alone, because it is invincible .. but when you look deeper it really affect your whole life. It truly is an inner work and lifetime work to heal from this kind of attachment trauma.

Children also need to learn that their needs cannot always be met on demand and develop realistic expectations about the world. What really harms a child is prolonged neglect, humiliation and abuse.

Love the start of life discussions, however I think you might miss the nature of the 'fit 'with children and their school workers and educators, and this can mean that even a securely attached child does not love school.....do they have a goodness of fit with the educator/teacher? Is the school and the staff supportive, warm, loving? Feeling comfortable comes from adults who are there for you, so when you do have a secure attachment, it allows you to trust, and ask for help, and some adults/educators do NOT want interruptions. So I don't want this unreasonable expectation that you can drop off a child at school and a child will be'fine'....it often is more about how they feel when you return; do they settle, are they glad to see you?