Narcissistic Sexting RED FLAGS!

The bottom line is that you get to say, even if all the people around you are saying it's okay, that it's not okay with you. And you would rather be alone than be with someone under those rules.

You get to make up the rules and boundaries for your life.

❤

Duc...
We need to have a serious talk! :D
According to law/ ethics/ morality, you can't explain fraud by someone's stupidity/ naivety. That's right... fraud is fraud.

But we also have philosophy, which means that you can't "hold idiots accountable"! :D
When a wise person sees that "something's not right here" they will make it clear: "always have the phone on the table, or GO AWAY!!!"

I did it myself and I know that it's a big risk (when someone doesn't know me and surrounds themselves with idiot advisors), but it was bigger not to do it, because... you have to be an idiot to keep a viper at home and be surprised that it finally bit you...

VERIFY credibility (whether someone is trustworthy) when there is evidence of ANY lie/ fraud/ manipulation.

BR,
4ever yours,
🥕🐰

Both narcissists I knew were Scorpio's lol. I don't really take too much stock in Star Signs, but it's weird that they were both born in November.

Pro-Tip: Sexting is always a red flag

Oh yes....this is my opinion too...THIS IS CHEATING!!

When I caught my soon to be ex-husband on porn due to it being connected to another device, he said the Russians hacked his phone. He really expected me to believe that. I didn’t.

I judt recently encountered a narcissist who had the nerve of slutshame me and tell others I was hitting on him after he hit on me and had me visiting the bar he works at. He kept me walking on eggshells for two weeks as I tried to correct the narrative, only to full on catfish me via text messaging after insisting I should have both his numbers. He did it by making me feel guilty for friendzoning him and not being over my past relationship. He did it out of revenge to sabotage my professional and personal life which were the reasons I gave him when I first pushed him back, as he was leaving the country and wanted me to tag along...

Im sory that you feel that way dr ramani

It can go the other way, too. I was in an inescapable narcissistic "relationship for 2 years, but I was the one to start sexting and cheating after the first year of coercive control, gaslighting, degradation, raging, berating, and violence. First I used it as a way to get validation while isolated even from friends in an invalidating environment, then I used it as a way to try and find someone who might treat me a little better than the narcissist, and finally, I made sure the narcissist saw it as a way of getting them to give up on me. They did on me, but not on using me, making sure to continue the cycle but with their own veil lifted for another year until I finally had enough and called the police.
After all, how are you supposed to have sex with someone who gives you a fight/ flight/ freeze response just by being in the same room as you?

But because of what this narcissistic relationship brought out of me, now I'm single and alone, that's how I plan to stay, as I probably shouldn't ever be in a monogamous or serious relationship now I've crossed that line. Congrats, narc. You won at least one prize!

They’re so skilled at betrayal & deception. I truly believed he loved me. Looking back, it’s like I was with two completely different men. His mask fell off.

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

Needed this today

Am I the only one that thinks that behavior is just vulgar? I’ve never been comfortable with vulgar language. I guess I am more highbrow than lowbrow. If that’s a thing.

Hello Dr. I’m gonna keep it short. I’m going a through narcissist abuse by my so called family and their flying monkeys. It gets worse and worse everyday. I wanna move out of the house but guess what? They seem to track me down everywhere I go and lunch a smear campaign or recruit people to abuse me no matter here I find my self. What should I do now please

My malignant narcissist ex was not content with crumbs like sexting, he simply met up with (sometimes strangers) through the internet.

"I'm sorry you saw those messages".. that was the apology

Narc soon to be ex-wife had 2 plus years of sexting with coworker. I asked about it her was response but I didn't respond. Dude I just read the messages. gaslighting began
It took me by surprise. I've concluded they did and still are sleeping together.
The entire situation and pattern are how we meet. They don't change

My covert would deny he was texting even with his phone in his hand and his finger on the keyboard. Then when he got caught he’d cry and say “there’s something wrong with me!” It’s pathetic and sad but it still didn’t move me after 40 years of this crap. His sexting led to him cheating. Again. More tears. More excuses. I’m divorcing him. He’s still with the affair partner. Again he cried at the hearing after hearing how much alimony he’d be paying me, still not moved.

My covert would deny he was texting even with his phone in his hand and his finger on the keyboard. Then when he got caught he’d cry and say “there’s something wrong with me!” It’s pathetic and sad but it still didn’t move me after 40 years of this crap. His sexting led to him cheating. More tears. More excuses. I’m divorcing him. He’s still with the affair partner. Again he cried at the hearing after hearing how much alimony he’d be paying me, still not moved.

Thank you so much! You´re putting into words how I have felt discovering the betrayal. Thank you!

Hi Ramani,
You ended on it's not you. Beautiful.
Yeah, I've been repeating your mantra
lately. I don't know why mantras are
necessary and powerful. I have several
mantras. We are still here turning the
dishwasher on narcissism.
I'm just here to chat. S/hit is fine.
I have a garden of lovely people.
Sometimes I tantrum like a child
and maybe it proves that I am a
child. Maybe it's better to be a child.
Maybe being an adult sucks.
Neo took the red pill to enter the
Matrix. I see another red pill
moment in choosing to be a
child. I will continue on my
tantrum cycle. I choose to
live out the horrors of the
red pill. You mentioned something
about participation and pornography.
Charlotte Stokely is a strange gem
on this earth. Charlotte is always
doing my sex moans in her
videos. It's f/ucking hilarious
and I love it. I want to continue
the hilarity with Charlotte.
Charlotte asks me for things in her videos
You are standing up to interrupt my internet
sex play with the porn star.
I appreciate your concern.
I appreciate your caring. Thank you.
Sex over the internet is dangerous.
Anna Akana developed a movie from my
writings about depression. I'm very
curious to see Anna's movie.
Me, Myself and the Void.

I felt so ashamed and felt like I couldn't provide for him. He was my first everything, highschool sweethearts, together for 10 years, engaged, was there when my mother passed from cancer. How could someone do things with someone they said they'd love forever and talk about a future together and go to bed with them and at the same time plan on who they are gonna be with next. I hope any person who comes across his path gets out safe

I had to cut off contact from a childhood friend when I reached out in a DM to find out his wife has stage 4 cancer.
He started sexting me which totally discussed me and cut contact. Always knew he was a narcissist but this proved it. 🤮

Thank you
Sexting is disrespectful and hurtful and is not acceptable
I left him the moment I found out about it (and then once away identified all the other things he had been doing and who he really was)

🤬💔🥺🌉🙏😡👺 EXACTLY 💯 THANKS I CAUGHT MY PSEUDO BOYFRIEND CHEATING ON ME WITH HOOKERS 🤬 UNFAITHFUL ALONG WITH 💉 METH ABUSE.🤬💔🥺

Thank you so much, I really needed to here this. I fell in love with narcissist, I left him but sometime I miss him, I wish there were a way to fix narcissistic behavior.

Yes, I saw them, married 35 years. He actually traveled to another Country to have sex with her. He traveled there several times. We didn't have money for that but he took all of the Money we had. He has so much money he is now living in another Country, a very expensive Country. I can't afford an attorney, he refuses to give me money.
These people are dangerous, cruel and capable of Anything including murder. I know he picked up women hitch hikers they probably repaid him with sex. I am sorry I ever met him. I am sorry he walks this Earth. Rant over now. 😡

It’s not just the words or images, it’s the intent and the betrayal.

I was so happy to hear Dr. Ramani say “bullshit”.

This video is traumatizing. Why? Because me, like so many others, have been victimized in all these ways.

The worst part is that they'll feel completely justified in doing it too so when they're caught they reverse it on you and they become the victim because they're so "neglected". They love the attention and having a secret.

I think the subject of narcissists coercing other people into sexting or sexting-adjacent conversations is also a topic rich for exploration. I've had people do this to me numerous times when I was a single woman - a regular conversation that they try to steer to a sexual place, sometimes quite relentlessly, completely irrespective of our relationship (platonic friends, colleagues, or acquaintances) or their living situation (ie: partnered/married). It is such an awful feeling, because certainly as a woman (and perhaps people of other genders feel this too), it feels like YOU are the one placed in a vulnerable, precarious situation; even if you shut them down or try to keep the conversation appropriate and business-like, so often YOU will be the one blamed for even participating at all, like you're some kind of "Jezebel" or "homewrecker" because you received an inappropriate text.

And no, it's not as simple as just not answering, or flatly rejecting them, if this person is, say, your boss, or a colleague or someone in your social circle that you need to communicate with for whatever reason. It placed me into a "guilty", grossed out, no-win situation where now if I piss them off, they can blame me or claim I was somehow party to (or even responsible for) their disgusting behaviour. Our cultural scripts about women being evil devil temptresses and men having no responsibility for their conduct (especially if they feel any feelings of attraction) make this an impossible position to be in, and adding in the power disparity that almost always existed in my experiences, it's really a no-win form of relational violence.

The fact that they can just do it to you, from afar, with no warning at all, is something that I also think appeals to them. You have no chance to resist, and sometimes, if blocking their number is implausible (ie: they are your boss or coworker and they manipulate the conversation so that it seems nominally work-related or otherwise essential that you answer), you can't even really resist subsequent infractions either. It's easy to see why it appeals to these losers.

Holly smoke Dr. Ramani !

Where do I begin with this topic ?!
My husband (only on paper now), seemed to think that it was ok to do a somewhat different version of this.
His thing was to do it in an online game where all players have the ability to talk in real time in group chats or privately (with just one other person).
I caught him doing this multiple times (he had the nerve to do it while I was approximately 10 feet away on the couch !
After a lot of tears, and thoughts of how to best manage the situation I told him that I was leaving !
This turned into a very heated verbal disagreement.
When I said that he had to choose either us / me or the other women involved he said that I was jealous and that I shouldn’t have been looking at his “private conversations” !
Within the hour of the disagreement, a notification sound came from his cell phone that read “Is she gone yet ? Did she pack up all of her belongings ?”
Not only did it hurt me that he withheld sexual intimacy, talked sexually with many different women in front of me, but now some women is texting my so called “husband” and asking inappropriate questions !

This all was just the beginning of the breakdowns of the marriage, but led to a legal battle (it’s now been over 4 years (and thousands of dollars spent on legal fees) not to mention the serious health issues that have impacted my life some of which I will have to address for the rest of my life !
I have never received any apologies for the things that he said or the actions that he decided to act upon (I can honestly say that thank to your channel I stopped thinking that I may receive at least an acknowledgement abouts year ago).

Weither others classify sexting or what I witnessed as “Cheating” is a personal opinion, but it should go without saying that when people exchange vows and the relationship is not an “open relationship” there’s no reason / excuse for this inappropriate, and very hurtful behaviour !

Sex isn't the problem with cheating. The problem with cheating is that your consent was violated. You did not have accurate information of the state of your relationship because the other person is with-holding that information for you, so you are not ABLE to fully consent to everything that then happens in the relationship.

That's why sexting is also a problem in these situations--it's a violation of consent.

Here's my spin on this. IT ISNT REAL. You don't know who you are talking to. You can't see them or hear their voice, so therefore it is all false, a mask, a sheep in wolves clothing, a farce(drama). Having been caught in this myself. I was taught sentence structure, that is what code breakers used in WW2 with the radio communication (morse codes and such like) I soon flushed out at least two of these, if not 3. These ppl as seriously weird, get off on the hunt, chase and your emotions. They need to get a real life. I have always live streamed everyone, just to make sure it is who I think. I don't have anyone on social media who I don't personally know, met in person. And still i got "had". Thats my spin on this. Trust no one.

Dr ramani you are saving my life. With the infrormation i didnt know what a marsassit was what im finding out i ben married to one 15 years wondering what was wrong with him

If they treat the relationship with you like a business transaction - constantly on the look for someone better and open to other "suggestions" - then they are not worth your time/energy, regardless of whether they've been caught cheating.

It would be time to say good-bye for me. I have been betrayed many times over my lifetime.I got to a point when I will draw that line in a heartbeat.

Hello from Brazil!

This topic has nothing to do with me (I’ll probably delete this comment), just felt like saying hi. This channel is all about narcissism, I am here because I think God brought me here, I don’t know. I actually saw Dr. Ramani on Mayim Bialik’s channel. Anyway, lots of videos (over 1000) to binge-watch. 😮

In case there are rude comments, just spreading some love to Dr. Ramani and whoever reads this comment. ❤

There are some people in my family, but I am so scared of bringing this up, so I have got to be cautious and also, I think God wants me to be as cautious as possible. I can relate to a lot of what Dr. Ramani says about it, but don’t want to say too much and end up feeling like an idiot. People are unique, after all.

Peace out!

The question of whether or not sexting is a betrayal or not is not to be answered by the intellect. This is a visceral question, which deserves to be answered based on what you feel from your gut.

I think sexting is indeed a type o hotter pornography, which, for me, is a type of perversion that goes against the laws of a loving and balanced human nature.

When the practice of porn becomes a habit or addiction, it dulls the person´s senses, preventing them from having a full, healthy, loving sexual relationship with a partner in life, in sync with love.


I never liked men who liked watching pornographic magazines - I always thought they were uninteresting or cold or robotic in bed... LOL

I guess it is beause if you do something perverse for a long time you will probably end up getting 'good' at being psychically perverse, with your sexual functions disturbed.

But it is understandible that when many people practice abnormal sex, they will feel normal among themselves...

OMG that is all he does and lives for. Doesn't matter who the woman is, how she looks, age, relationship status just as long as he gets it. He does prefer married women so they don't try to make anything of it. I found out he was sexting multiple women at the same time while he was at his oh so busy job. In the end he finally told me he kept me around in case a newbie didn't work out how he liked and he also told me his goal was to sext with as many women as possible and to get as many nude pics of women as possible. When I found out he was sexting women on Twitter and I was very upset about it he said, "Well just think if you were doing your job sexually with me and didn't bore me with what you do sexually, I wouldn't need to go after these other women". He would also say "it means nothing, it is just words, words that mean nothing to me"

I remember this guy sending me a photo of his tiger. Gross

Remember narcissists are preadolescent thinkers who are also emotional toddlers who are autoerotic not straight but possibly gay like my father who cross dressed in my sister’s underwear @ nite & abused his wife as well as 4 daughters by day

Are most cheaters narcissist?

Don’t forget how they may use those pictures against you later on and hold them over your head if they need something from you. Just don’t do it with anyone. Not safe. And narcissists have no limit for how low they will go.

Happend to me

Yes, "what matters is what it does to us." Even when it starts with a winking or heart shaped emoji, later the narcissist gets bolder. They may embarrass you in front of people by flirting, touching, hugging someone in front of you! They may never sleep with this person, but there is always the knowledge that you are no longer respected and were never loved.

The covert narcissist I was with is a sex addict. I also believe he's a sexual predator. He wasn't violent but he gets around it through coercive means. Breaks you down until you're dependent. Then used veiled threats to take something away like security or hope.